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Old 01-16-2012, 02:58 PM   #21
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Re: I don't want to be a Mommy Martyr anymore

I think that having a baby on your hip can be like a security blanket. My husband will often be playing with one baby and I want to hold the other for no reason. He is not crying or anything; I just want to hold him!

The mom in you has a visceral desire to do what is best and give the best to your children. That is probably why you feel guilty when you buy something for yourself. You tell yourself the funds could be going toward something for your kids. But can you give your best self to your children when you feel exhausted? Frumpy?

I decided about a year ago to be sure that I had make up on in the morning, gel in my hair (yes, that does feel like a luxury most days!) and nice accessories on. These are not the things that make me who I am, but they help me feel better about myself. I noticed that when I feel frumpy, I'm not in as good of a mood around the kids.

I believe that you can do luxurious things, in moderation, for yourself and it can really make a difference.

Someone mentioned a cleaning lady...I have been going back and forth on that for awhile and wonder if they think it's worth it? I've often thought that if I get a sitter once a week, I could do it myself and save some money on a service. Thoughts?

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Old 01-16-2012, 03:35 PM   #22
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Re: I don't want to be a Mommy Martyr anymore

Freedom, I have a DH who steps in and helps out a lot so that I don't feel this way. I learned early on that I needed to step back and let him so that he could establish his relationship with our children. In turn, it gave me a break and taught the children that Mommy doesn't have to jump just because.

I also have been known to say to my children, "I will make you your second taco after I finish my first. Eat your carrots." or "Bring it to me and I'll fix it." And even, "I am going to finish reading/posting this thread, THEN I'll read that book to you for the 12th time today." They are old enough. They can wait.

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Originally Posted by shouldbedoinglaundry View Post
Someone mentioned a cleaning lady...I have been going back and forth on that for awhile and wonder if they think it's worth it? I've often thought that if I get a sitter once a week, I could do it myself and save some money on a service. Thoughts?
I think that if you get a sitter, you will still be on call as Mommy unless you send them off site.
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Old 01-16-2012, 04:04 PM   #23
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Re: I don't want to be a Mommy Martyr anymore

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Originally Posted by shouldbedoinglaundry View Post
I think that having a baby on your hip can be like a security blanket. My husband will often be playing with one baby and I want to hold the other for no reason. He is not crying or anything; I just want to hold him!
That's a really good point, sometimes I think I let my kids be a security blanket as well.

It's a really great idea to start taking consistent time out for yourself w/o the kids. I think maybe using that as a baby step will help you eventually feel less guilty when you buy yourself something fun with extra money. As another poster stated, you need to make sure you're getting some time to yourself and that you're being filled up, or else you'll eventually snap!
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Old 01-16-2012, 09:10 PM   #24
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Re: I don't want to be a Mommy Martyr anymore

Thanks, ladies.

I'm going to show DH this thread... He needs to read all of this and realize how much he could be helping me.

Shouldbedoinglaundry - I agree with the pp... I think I'd hire someone to come clean for me if I had the funds and just sit back while someone else scrubbed everything down for once. But if you are hiring a sitter that will watch the kids in their own home, that's entirely different. I wouldn't be doing much cleaning if that happened, though. I'd be soaking in a hot bath reading a book and munching on sweets that I usually have to share!!
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