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Old 01-30-2012, 03:10 PM   #21
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Re: Would we be approved to adopt?

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Originally Posted by newmommy13 View Post
that exciting to not have another door slammed in your face though right?

about the state insurance, i think we have a program in WI where if you aren't eligible for insurance through your employer you can purchase it through the state. so you can have insurance through the state that you pay for, not as an aid program. does that make sense? i don't know if its what this mama is on, or if she does qualify for state aid. it could be that she qualifies for state aid but because they live frugally could be able financially to purchase private insurance in which case she could do that when it comes time for a home study. i have no idea if this is the case, just wanted to throw that out there.
There is generally an expectation that a family trying to adopt has basics like health insurance and life insurance. The point of placing a child is so they can have "more" and a stronger upbringing. If they are living with a family getting buy and can only provide the absolute basics, then they are just as well off in the birth family assuming they want to parent. Of course "more" is a very relative term and love can provide a lot too but adoptive families are held to a higher standard.

Personally, if you have a large family already, I'd wait till finances are better and the basics are there like health insurance, especially if you don't have $30-50,000 cash on hand to adopt. Some get lucky with $10,000-20,000 but the majority are running in the $30's and 40's. Part of the decision to bring another child into a family is financial both for the current children and future children. Often its a bunch of bad choices but the current kids in a family need to be considered. No reason to rush into adoption especially if you are in your 20-30's. Once you hit 40-50, I get the big "rush." Having basics in place makes parenting a whole lot easier.

Many, but not all birthparents are looking for and expecting things like insurance and a little more than the basics. Many we talked to wanted to make sure we could help provide a college education and what was our plan to do so. They were struggling and one of the reasons to place was if someone else could provide what they didn't have and now they have the opportunity if they aren't parenting to finish their education.

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Old 01-30-2012, 04:31 PM   #22
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Re: Would we be approved to adopt?

If you don't have debt, you are WAAAAAAAY richer than most people making 4 times as much as your DH income!! My DH makes about 100,000/year, but we also have a 400,000 mortgage, 65,000 on a student line of credit, and another 25,000 in student loans. We put about 1000/month on our debt and have a little money leftover after all our expenses, but you can do the math. We're in the red!LOL We were chosen after only 4 months. Our adoption cost about $16,500 total.
Good luck!
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Old 01-31-2012, 09:59 AM   #23
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Re: Would we be approved to adopt?

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If you don't have debt, you are WAAAAAAAY richer than most people making 4 times as much as your DH income!! My DH makes about 100,000/year, but we also have a 400,000 mortgage, 65,000 on a student line of credit, and another 25,000 in student loans. We put about 1000/month on our debt and have a little money leftover after all our expenses, but you can do the math. We're in the red!LOL We were chosen after only 4 months. Our adoption cost about $16,500 total.
Good luck!
Thank you for the encouragement! We have been on Medicaid while hubs was in school, but he will be eligible for heath insurance through his new job in 90 days!...... So, we will be getting health insurance and off of Medicaid then.

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There is generally an expectation that a family trying to adopt has basics like health insurance and life insurance. The point of placing a child is so they can have "more" and a stronger upbringing. If they are living with a family getting buy and can only provide the absolute basics, then they are just as well off in the birth family assuming they want to parent. Of course "more" is a very relative term and love can provide a lot too but adoptive families are held to a higher standard.

Personally, if you have a large family already, I'd wait till finances are better and the basics are there like health insurance, especially if you don't have $30-50,000 cash on hand to adopt. Some get lucky with $10,000-20,000 but the majority are running in the $30's and 40's. Part of the decision to bring another child into a family is financial both for the current children and future children. Often its a bunch of bad choices but the current kids in a family need to be considered. No reason to rush into adoption especially if you are in your 20-30's. Once you hit 40-50, I get the big "rush." Having basics in place makes parenting a whole lot easier.

Many, but not all birthparents are looking for and expecting things like insurance and a little more than the basics. Many we talked to wanted to make sure we could help provide a college education and what was our plan to do so. They were struggling and one of the reasons to place was if someone else could provide what they didn't have and now they have the opportunity if they aren't parenting to finish their education.
I appreciate your input and experience. As for college/education for our children or future adopted children, we don't believe everyone MUST go to college. My husband and I both have degrees (including Grad school), but don't feel it is an absolute for everyone. We want our children to follow their God given talents and serve the Lord through those avenues. If that means college, then we will provide the means. Currently, my oldest (13.5) is in the midst of publishing his novel (4th written, 1st published) and wants to be a published writer when he grows up. My second son, 11.5, has an amazing gift for mechanics and love for cars. He desires to go to trade school and eventually open his own Mechanic Shop. He's also talked about going into the Marines!

I understand the view that adoption is to give children a "better life" than what they would have received with the birth mother (medicaid and struggles), but I don't think finances has anything to do with having a "better life."

Society's view on successfulness is skewed. I believe the life our family is living is the epitomy of success. It has nothing to do with making money, having cars, expensive things, and a bedroom for each child. It has everything to do with compasion, love, mercy, grace, good stewardship, and putting priorities in order. We live debt free. That means we own what we have. It belongs to us. Not the bank. Not the credit cards. Only us! Stress free! It hasn't always been this way. We had to learn the hard way.

Enjoying every day being a wife and mother to my wonderful husband and five great kids, homeschooling my children and teaching them of our Savior and knowing that at night when all four of my boys climb into their beds at night in their shared room (even though we have the option to spread them out), giggling and laughing, talking about all the wonders of the world, confiding in each other their darkest secrets, and comforting each other when they are scared.....THAT is being RICH! THAT is worth more than money in the bank for a college education or the best health care plan in the world. Don't get me wrong, I do understand providing for their physical needs are an important part of parenting as well; But that isn't what identifies us as the "best" parents. However, I understand that a birth mother may be looking for more financial stability (health care, college fund,etc..) than what we have to offer. We just have to trust in the Lord that he has given us a desire to add to our family through adoption and will bring us a birth mother who can see the value that our large family holds regardless of a college fund or not.

On a side note, I was 17 when I became pregnant with my oldest son. Adoption was a very real option for me. I even made a few phone calls and a met with an agency once. All I wanted was for him to have amazing parents. Specifically, a daddy who loved him and wouldn't leave him. I ended up choosing to parent my son myself as a single mom for 4 years until I met and married my husband. My Rylan is an amazing 13.5 year old now. He changed me. He made me the mom that I am. I love him and have a very sensative spirit when it comes to birth mothers (specifically teens) because I was there. This was just my experience and I'm sure another girl (or her parents) in my same situation may have considered health care, college funds, etc... of more importance. Just sharing my view.
Thank you for all of your input. I am learning so much and thinking about things that I never even considered to be an issue.
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Old 01-31-2012, 10:37 AM   #24
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Re: Would we be approved to adopt?

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Old 02-07-2012, 08:51 PM   #25
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Re: Would we be approved to adopt?

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Originally Posted by slingmama4 View Post
Thank you for the encouragement! We have been on Medicaid while hubs was in school, but he will be eligible for heath insurance through his new job in 90 days!...... So, we will be getting health insurance and off of Medicaid then.



I appreciate your input and experience. As for college/education for our children or future adopted children, we don't believe everyone MUST go to college. My husband and I both have degrees (including Grad school), but don't feel it is an absolute for everyone. We want our children to follow their God given talents and serve the Lord through those avenues. If that means college, then we will provide the means. Currently, my oldest (13.5) is in the midst of publishing his novel (4th written, 1st published) and wants to be a published writer when he grows up. My second son, 11.5, has an amazing gift for mechanics and love for cars. He desires to go to trade school and eventually open his own Mechanic Shop. He's also talked about going into the Marines!

I understand the view that adoption is to give children a "better life" than what they would have received with the birth mother (medicaid and struggles), but I don't think finances has anything to do with having a "better life."

Society's view on successfulness is skewed. I believe the life our family is living is the epitomy of success. It has nothing to do with making money, having cars, expensive things, and a bedroom for each child. It has everything to do with compasion, love, mercy, grace, good stewardship, and putting priorities in order. We live debt free. That means we own what we have. It belongs to us. Not the bank. Not the credit cards. Only us! Stress free! It hasn't always been this way. We had to learn the hard way.

Enjoying every day being a wife and mother to my wonderful husband and five great kids, homeschooling my children and teaching them of our Savior and knowing that at night when all four of my boys climb into their beds at night in their shared room (even though we have the option to spread them out), giggling and laughing, talking about all the wonders of the world, confiding in each other their darkest secrets, and comforting each other when they are scared.....THAT is being RICH! THAT is worth more than money in the bank for a college education or the best health care plan in the world. Don't get me wrong, I do understand providing for their physical needs are an important part of parenting as well; But that isn't what identifies us as the "best" parents. However, I understand that a birth mother may be looking for more financial stability (health care, college fund,etc..) than what we have to offer. We just have to trust in the Lord that he has given us a desire to add to our family through adoption and will bring us a birth mother who can see the value that our large family holds regardless of a college fund or not.

On a side note, I was 17 when I became pregnant with my oldest son. Adoption was a very real option for me. I even made a few phone calls and a met with an agency once. All I wanted was for him to have amazing parents. Specifically, a daddy who loved him and wouldn't leave him. I ended up choosing to parent my son myself as a single mom for 4 years until I met and married my husband. My Rylan is an amazing 13.5 year old now. He changed me. He made me the mom that I am. I love him and have a very sensative spirit when it comes to birth mothers (specifically teens) because I was there. This was just my experience and I'm sure another girl (or her parents) in my same situation may have considered health care, college funds, etc... of more importance. Just sharing my view.
Thank you for all of your input. I am learning so much and thinking about things that I never even considered to be an issue.

Just have to say that I absolutely everything that you just wrote. You are amazing... I wish you the best of luck in your journey to adopt. It sounds as though any child would be very very blessed to be a part of your family
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Old 02-07-2012, 11:35 PM   #26
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Re: Would we be approved to adopt?

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Just have to say that I absolutely everything that you just wrote. You are amazing... I wish you the best of luck in your journey to adopt. It sounds as though any child would be very very blessed to be a part of your family
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Old 02-08-2012, 06:47 AM   #27
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Re: Would we be approved to adopt?

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Just have to say that I absolutely everything that you just wrote. You are amazing... I wish you the best of luck in your journey to adopt. It sounds as though any child would be very very blessed to be a part of your family
Thank you!
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