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Old 12-02-2011, 09:06 PM   #11
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Re: "dad"

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Originally Posted by karstensmama View Post
For my situation, it's kind of like the pp suggested, but in reverse. My son's father is Russian, so DS has grown up calling him "Papa." So now that I'm getting married and my fiancé has lived with us for the past 1.5 years and been in our lives for 2 years, DS calls him "Daddy." He started calling him that exactly a year ago. It was his choice to call my fiancé that and while I didn't discourage it, I didn't encourage it either. My family has had a hard time with it because my ex is still in our lives, but as I've told them many times, it was up to the child and we need to look at reality here: my fiancé is in our lives for good - this isn't a passing fancy; he is more of a father than DS's biological father has been in the past 2.5 years; calling him "Daddy" doesn't negate DS's relationship with his biological father; and to have DS grow up calling the most present male figure in his life by his first name is awkward. I mean really, when we meet people, what is DS supposed to say?..."this is my mama and this is my Ryan?"

For us, it happened quickly because my fiancé and I knew very early on that this was it - we had finally found each other and we were meant for each other. If there'd been any doubt in my mind, I would have waited a long time before introducing my son to him, or moving in with him, but that's not how it worked for us.

thats how we feel too, that this is "it", he knows how serious i am about being done with dating and my kids stability. we have finally found the person our parents both love, (both ways) and its just so easy to be with each other! they call their bio dad, papa, and sometimes daddy, but idk what else hey could call E, DD calls him by his name, but DS has been calling him DADA..... which is weird, because ive never refered to him as dad.

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Old 12-06-2011, 05:49 PM   #12
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Re: "dad"

I agree it should be left up to the child, my parents divorced when I was 11 and my brother and sister were 13 and 4. they both quickly remarried and I never called my stepdad "DAD" but I had one awesome dad (and guess Im just kind of a daddy's girl) but my brother and sister both started and still do call him dad half the time when they say something about dad I think they are talking about dad and they arent but anyways I did call my stepmom "mom" I absolutly loved her. my dad is now on his 3rd marriage and has been with my new stepmom for 16+ years and I dont call her mom (though my sis does) but I was an older teenager when they got together but I do consider her a mother figure in my life and she is my kids "jammaw" (what my 5 yr old started when he couldnt say grammaw so now we say they have a jammin jammaw)
my kids call my fiance by his 1st name but my 4 yr old will tell us that he is the dad, and one day when my ex called my dads and my 5 yr old was over there and he asked to talk to him my 5 yr old asked "which one" when jammaw told him daddy wanted to talk to him, but none of them call him daddy though all of them have slipped and called him dad or daddy more than once I dont encourage it but I dont correct it either if they call him dad the conversation just continues like if they had called him his name but their dad has a major issue with it so Im sure he has told them they cant call him dad. Ofocurse my kids do hear me and my fiance calling him daddy to our baby, but my kids are a bit older than yours my 8 yr old will tell people that Cole is his stepdad and my 7 yr old tells his friends "thats Cole he's like my dad" I would say if you have made the step to move in together and both feel you will be together it is up to you if you correct them and say no that is Joe not daddy or if you just let them decide, but I dont think anyone should tell their kid they have to call the person dad (I know you arent since your question was what should you do if they do")
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:00 AM   #13
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Re: "dad"

I go with whatever is comfortable for them. DD sometimes calls DP dad and we just roll with it. She hasn't really asked but it just comes out. When/if she asks we will tell her to call him whatever she feels comfy with. I would only encourage thsi if you are sure it's a permanent thing though
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:06 AM   #14
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Re: "dad"

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i agree with you all who say to wait. i dont want my kids to get confused or hurt. ive seen many of my friends bring man after man into their kids lives and confuse the crap out of them by having them call the man daddy. i know a little girl who is 3.5 and has called 9 or 10 different men daddy. by no means do i want that for my kids.

i figure over time, they will know who loves them and cares for them, and they will come to the conclusion who is "dad" and who their "father" is. E is the best thing that has ever happened to us. and i really hope it stays that way! thank you all for your advice!
I just wanted to say I'm so happy for you!!!!
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Old 12-08-2011, 11:23 AM   #15
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Re: "dad"

I would wait too. Growing up I never had a 'dad'. my bio dad died when I was really little, and I had 3 step dad's after that. The first one made us call him pa. We hated it and him! The second was a major loser but we just called him by his name. The third one is awesome and my mom couldn't be happier with him. But I still resent him some I guess. He came around when I was 13....just bad timing. But, if anyone has ever been a dad, it is him. I will never call him dad though.

Basically just because your kids call him by his name, doesn't mean he won't end up being dad if you guys stay really serious. The person makes the dad IMO and in your case it sure sounds like E is a better dad than their bio dad. One day your kids will see that too. But even if you guys are together forever and ever and they never call him dad, no harm done because they will still know that he is the best dad they ever had.
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:30 PM   #16
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Re: "dad"

I say let your kids decide.

the name doesn't make them a dad - my step dad is more of a dad to me than my bio dad - not from the lack of trying my bio dad loves me but has his own issues. I have never called my step dad dad but he is definitely who I think about when talking about my father figure....
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Old 12-12-2011, 03:00 PM   #17
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Re: "dad"

you ladies are amazing! and give the best advice. thank you
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Old 02-26-2012, 11:59 AM   #18
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Re: "dad"

Let you kids decide. We are a poly family, have been for 2 years now. My (and DH's) 3 bio kids call DH's GF "mom" her dd calls me titi, but calls DH "Daddy". dd calls her bio-dad Daddy-Joe, he only calls her 2 or 3 times a year, and has never paid any kind of CS.

A close girlfriend has 2 children from her 1st marriage, and 1 child (and an agel) from her current marriage. Her 2 older kids call him "Daddy" he has been there Daddy since they were 6mos and 18 mos. They are now 11 and 9. They call their bio-dad Bobby Daddy when they aren't with him, and Daddy when they are.

"Daddy __name__" seems to have been a common comprimise among my circle of close friends. Same goes for "Mommy/Mama __name__" a close friend's kids called me "mama liz" for long time (probably b/c i breastfed her youngest for about 8 mos next to mine. She also BFd my {bio} youngest), my kids called her "mama nan" as well.
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Old 02-26-2012, 07:06 PM   #19
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Re: "dad"

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Originally Posted by karstensmama View Post
...I mean really, when we meet people, what is DS supposed to say?..."this is my mama and this is my Ryan?"

For us, it happened quickly because my fiancé and I knew very early on that this was it - we had finally found each other and we were meant for each other. If there'd been any doubt in my mind, I would have waited a long time before introducing my son to him, or moving in with him, but that's not how it worked for us.
Yes. Yes, he can. In fact I am pretty close to a friend's little girl, and that cute little thing will say just as matter-of-fact as you can "Hi, my name is A and this is my mommy and this is my Susie!".
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Old 02-29-2012, 07:09 PM   #20
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Re: "dad"

Let them call him whatever they want to call him. They are young though so they will probably refer to him as what you refer to him as. My kids call their Dad by his first name sometimes because they hear family and sometimes me call him that.
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