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Old 03-03-2012, 07:51 PM   #11
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Re: finding out gender

We didn't find out with the first, found out with the second, and didn't find out with our third. So, I have knowledge of what it is to know vs. not knowing. I am100% certain that it is much, much, much more exciting to find out at birth. Twice as much time for the suspense to build up and and the excitement to grow! I had someone else tell me that it was still a surprise at twenty weeks as forty, but I don't agree. There is something almost magical about that "IT'S A GIRL" or "IT'S A BOY"announcement in the delivery room. Also, we had friends with one of the most beautiful baby girl nurseries with the name Haley on the wall, when they delivered a very healthy and perfect little Colton. Sure, my family wanted to know, but ultimately, it was our decision. I respect everyone's opinion in knowing or not knowing, but there really is no comparison.

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Old 03-03-2012, 09:13 PM   #12
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Re: finding out gender

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Originally Posted by cayem View Post
We didn't find out with the first, found out with the second, and didn't find out with our third. So, I have knowledge of what it is to know vs. not knowing. I am100% certain that it is much, much, much more exciting to find out at birth. Twice as much time for the suspense to build up and and the excitement to grow! I had someone else tell me that it was still a surprise at twenty weeks as forty, but I don't agree. There is something almost magical about that "IT'S A GIRL" or "IT'S A BOY"announcement in the delivery room. Also, we had friends with one of the most beautiful baby girl nurseries with the name Haley on the wall, when they delivered a very healthy and perfect little Colton. Sure, my family wanted to know, but ultimately, it was our decision. I respect everyone's opinion in knowing or not knowing, but there really is no comparison.


Found out with DS1 and it was totally uneventful. Waited with DS2 and it was the best surprise in my life. I'll never find out ahead of time again!
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Old 03-04-2012, 03:26 AM   #13
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DH wanted to know, he was deployed when I went for my U/S so that was easy lol. But after a long talk about how important it was to me he wanted a surprise too. My friends and family are mad at me for not finding out.
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Old 03-10-2012, 12:11 PM   #14
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Re: finding out gender

I am in the same boat as you (OP) ... except we're still not totally sure we'll have a third... we have a girl and a boy. We have a 3 bedroom house. We've been on the fence about a third - but more leaning on the side of stopping at 2. Is it crazy that one of my biggest hangups is that 2 kids will have to share a room if we go for 3? ... Right now we have a tiny bedroom that has always been "the nursery" ... painted green and yellow and white. Accented with pink when we had dd, accented with brown when we had ds - still have all the pink and all the brown "stuff". My hubs and I have the "master" room - large, but we really don't do anything in that room except use the bed. So... this week I had an A-HA! moment... I suggested to DH that if we have a third ... we move ourselves into the biggest kid bedroom (our DD's room now)... move both kids into the master bedroom (they're 4 and 2 now so sharing of the genders is okay)... new baby would get nursery. Then after new baby is here and STTN etc... then we could put the two kids of the same gender into the big "master" room and the other gender kiddo would get their own small room to themselves. But yeah - I think since we already have one of each, and the new baby woudl get a room to themselves and it's already neutral - I think I'd want to wait for the surprise at birth!
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Old 03-13-2012, 06:54 AM   #15
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Re: finding out gender

I love having the surprise at the end. With #1 DH wanted to know, I didn't so we didn't find out. #2 DH loved the surprise at the end so we didn't find out. Now we have #3 on the way and have two boys. We are not finding out again. Our parents/siblings are a little surprised this time just because we have the two boys, but since we haven't found out yet they get just as excited and love guessing.

The dr/nurses don't usually say anthing either way about us not finding out.
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Old 03-13-2012, 07:34 AM   #16
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Re: finding out gender

I waited with number 3. I was disappointed that my it's a boy or girl moment was not the spectacular moment that I had envisioned. I did have natural birth, he was 9lbs 6oz, and extremely hard to birth. By the time he came out I could have cared less what it was. I joked that beautiful moment was only for people who couldn't feel it, lol. Anyway, I am pregant again and despite that something makes me want to wait again, but DH wants to find out. I don't want to have regrets about finding out. So every experience is different I guess.
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Old 03-13-2012, 08:39 AM   #17
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Re: finding out gender

I think you should have a serious chat with your husband about how important this is to you.

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and do all docs snicker when patients tell them they don't want to know the gender????
No, most don't care since they have no attachment to the patient or the sex of their child.

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By the time he came out I could have cared less what it was. I joked that beautiful moment was only for people who couldn't feel it, lol
For me, finding out at the birth was the most wonderful moment for me. I had an all natural birth (vaginal, no drugs of any kind) and it was AMAZING for me to go through the work and then shout out my baby's sex. I agree with you, every experience is different.
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Old 03-13-2012, 08:59 AM   #18
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Re: finding out gender

We are expecting #4... we have 3 DD's & I have a strong feeling this baby is a DD too, which has us thrilled... we'd be be just as excited w/a boy too, but since we know girls a boy would kind of scare me a little at 1st! LOL

Anyway, we did not find out the gender w/#3 or #4... we did w/#1 because she was our 1st & I had a different mindset then... we had battled 5 years of infertility & we just wanted to know, so we found out... w#2 we weren't going to do any US at all unless there were issues... well, issues came up (bleeding) so I had an US @W 7 or 8 weeks... all was fine... started bleeding again later on, so I had another US & all was fine, except my placenta was kind of low... so I had to have 2 more US after that... during one US at 20 something weeks I asked the gender because it was just too close to knowing to not find out... GIRL!!

Even AFTER we knew w/the US people insisted we were having a BOY and some even insisted TWINS (& I was NOT that big! LOL)... we decided that no matter what we were thrilled & weren't going to find out until the birth w/#3... we had so much pressure from people & how we HAD to have BOY... how we weren't COMPLETE until we had a boy (yes, seriously and IN FRONT OF OUR beautiful DDs... our family wasn't "COMPLETE")... I even had bleeding & had an US at 9 wks (which is obviously too soon to tell anyway) & had bleeding through 17 wks, but never found out until the birth... it was even more exciting at the birth to find out... I can describe it... so we are waiting for this one too, when I fully expect to hear it's a princess, but again will be thrilled w/a prince too !

I am the type of mama who would want to know when DH knew... if I didn't want to know & DH knew and may tell me, I would want to just find out w/him at the US, but that's me. If he wants to decorate, etc. I seriously doubt he will find out, not tell you, & wait for the birth to decorate.

LUK what you decide to do! As one friend tells people about not finding out until the birth, there is nothing more exciting than holding that new baby in your arms & finding out what their gender is then... there is no disappointment because you wanted a girl but got a boy (or vice versa) because your hormones are flowing & you are just ecstatic to finally meet your baby. It sounds like you guys are thrilled either way & there will not be any disappointment though, but I still like her words of wisdom.

Best wishes!!
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Old 03-13-2012, 12:20 PM   #19
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Re: finding out gender

I am determined to have this one be a surprise, we found out for the other 3, but this time I just don't want to. Dh on the other hand just can't/won't get on board with not finding out. The way he sees it, he doesn't want to have his hopes up that it's one gender and then be dissapointed that it's the other. He says the birth of your child is not a time for dissapointment, it'a a time for celebration. I can see his point and he can see mine so he will know and I will not. I trust that he wont spill the beans, he knows this is important to me.
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Old 03-13-2012, 08:15 PM   #20
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Re: finding out gender

DH and I were in the same situation for our third. He very grumpily agreed to go along with not finding out, but was a pill about it for months afterwards. He finally thought it was fun and exciting at the end, and I finally was ready to know at the end. He is very good at keeping secrets, so if it ever came up again, I would let him find out, but not tell me or anyone else. He wanted to do that all along, but I would have felt ridiculous talking about names and circumcision when he knew whether it was relevant or not. But now, I think it would be the best compromise, especially if he's willing to do the work of keeping a straight face.

I will say that him conceding on this point made it harder for him to concede on cirmcision (I didn't want it, he did), but ultimately, he gave in on that too. But that meant I gave in on the middle name he wanted rather than what I wanted. Although everything ended well, there was serious negative feeling that made each of these legitimate questions became a scorecard of who "won" and lost rather than a more friendly or respectful discussion. You might experience something similar.

I've also heard the idea for the sonographer to write it in a piece of paper, seal it in an envelope, and you open it at a private time of your choosing... maybe an anniversary or holiday, or just at a time you are both ready.

Lastly, if your DH had his way finding out the gender with the past babies, then I think it's only fair for you to have it your way. That was my logic, but as I said, DH didn't see it that way and conceded most unhappily.
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