Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Swamp Country
DP is 20 years older than me and...
Ok, this may be all over the place as I am a little emotional today, so here goes
Sometimes I just feel so lost. Our relationship is great, he is my very best friend and knows everything about me. He is very old fashioned and very country. He grew up with an intact family, where his mom cared for his dad, they garden, hunt, fish, raise animals, ect. His family really is amazing and sometimes I just feel like I don't measure up to his expectations. He never comes across that way, and is very sweet and patient with me, but this is so much harder than I even thought it would be. I don't always understand "where he's coming from," and I feel like he deserves so much. I want to take care of him, I want him to approve of what I do, and the decisions I make. I suppose I'm old fashioned in that sense, too. He taught me pretty much everything I know, both in my career (he is my partner) and about being a wife and mother. I grew up in a....less than ideal situation, and I didn't even know "normal" families existed. If I'm not sure about something, I ask, and he usually responds with "well what do you think you should do?" and we sort of go from there. He has a bad temper, though and when he snaps at me, I almost just want to cry. I feel like I'm trying my very best to figure all this out, and I *thought* I was doing a pretty good job until this past week when we went to Florida (sans kids) to visit some of his family that I've never met. I felt completely shunned. The women in that part of the family basically stay home and gossip while the men go hunting and fishing. Well, that's not how DP and I roll. We do pretty much everything together, and we like it that way. He works for the sheriffs and a federal agency and gets called out with barely a moments notice pretty often. When we have time together, we cherish it. We were supposed to stay with his cousin and his wife, and when she found out I was going on the fishing trip with them (as soon as we arrived), she got all huffy and told us we couldn't stay there because we weren't married. Um...you knew that before we came? What I think it really was after coming home and hearing comments is that she didn't know I was 22. She assumed I was older, and when she seen me, she immediately judged our relationship. Now, I don't particularly care what people think, but his family is SO close, and now I feel like I'm causing rifts. DP and this cousin were really close and don't get to see each other often, and when it happened DP of course immediately told me to get in the truck, he would handle it. I'm grateful and thankful he stood up for me, and us, but I felt terrible he was put into that position. While I know it wasn't my fault, I feel like it was. He reassured me it didn't matter what others thought, we were happy, so it shouldn't matter BUT I just lost it. We actually ended up leaving 2 days early over this outburst. I am not a crier, and I cried. Had my little breakdown over this woman whom doesn't even know me. I get along with everyone, and while not everyone approved at first, they've accepted it and they're friendly with me. My stepsons get a kick out of calling me mom in the store and watching the confused looks we get (they are 21 and 16). I love his 4 year old daughter, and she isn't old enough to know the difference, and he is amazing with my kids and refers to them as his own. I respect and love him more than anyone I know, I just don't know how to navigate the negativity yet. I guess this was sort of a rant/vent, but if anyone has advice or sly snarky replies for naysayers, I'm all eyes.
Partner in crimefighting to my hero Shawn
and mama to B, B, M, J, L, and E.
Busy enjoying our perfectly blended family and a little bit
that I don't have anyone to buy fluff for anymore.