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Old 03-29-2012, 03:11 PM   #81
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My parents are here and Mom as observing that my DD kept waking up not long after I went to lay her down, meaning I got up to check her diaper and nurse her to sleep again. She said, "You know, I used to just let you guys cry yourselves to sleep if I knew you had a full belly and a dry diaper. They used to say it was good for their lungs."

Now, I am not anti-CIO. I think it has a time and place, and I have used it as a last resort with my oldest. But DD is not even two weeks old. I just looked at her and said, "It's not good for their lungs. It's also not good for their brains. And evn people who recommend doing that say not to start before six months." She said that made sense and said something about the mother's instinct and how it makes you not want to do that, etc. All I could think was "Mom, she's TWELVE DAYS OLD!"

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Old 03-29-2012, 04:33 PM   #82
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

if my son is just fussing, i might let him fuss for a minute or two. but i do not leave him to cry ever, unless it's because i'm running to get him a bottle of bm real quick and can't pick him right up because i'm pumping at the same time or something.... but i don't think that is CIO lol.

i'm getting tired of hearing my dad say my son is getting spoiled and i shouldn't pick him up every time he cries. UM if my BABY who is only 3 months old is crying, it's because he has a NEED. he is not manipulating me into picking him up, and even if he was, that just means he needs to feel close to me. so many things can cause them discomfort that we could never guess... an itch they can't scratch, a small bruise somewhere bothering them, maybe they don't like their onesie or want to go outside and feel the breeze but their only way to communicate with us is to cry and the most i can do is take a few guesses and hold him to comfort him. how can that be spoiling him?
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Old 03-29-2012, 06:31 PM   #83
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

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Originally Posted by JustSomeChickVee View Post
if my son is just fussing, i might let him fuss for a minute or two. but i do not leave him to cry ever, unless it's because i'm running to get him a bottle of bm real quick and can't pick him right up because i'm pumping at the same time or something.... but i don't think that is CIO lol.

i'm getting tired of hearing my dad say my son is getting spoiled and i shouldn't pick him up every time he cries. UM if my BABY who is only 3 months old is crying, it's because he has a NEED. he is not manipulating me into picking him up, and even if he was, that just means he needs to feel close to me. so many things can cause them discomfort that we could never guess... an itch they can't scratch, a small bruise somewhere bothering them, maybe they don't like their onesie or want to go outside and feel the breeze but their only way to communicate with us is to cry and the most i can do is take a few guesses and hold him to comfort him. how can that be spoiling him?
I totally agree with this.

I think the baby's brain is so much more complex than most people give them credit for, and the amount of sensory issues we encounter on a daily basis is huge. Before one year, they are exploring, and before they are mobile, they are reacting to what they are experiencing while they are wherever they are. Not everything I encounter in my adult day is neutral or lovely, and it's not any different from my baby's day. I just have a lot more experience handling the reactions, my filter is stronger, and I have seen more. I understand my world, and he is just getting there.

That said, I do let mine fuss for a minute or two and sometimes watch him to see what he is doing. Most of the time he is trying to reach for something and getting frustrated, or is furrowing his brow and fussing trying to figure out something. It usually passes within two minutes, and if not and it's escalating, I pick him up. When he screams out, I go to him. I can totally tell the difference between a cry because he has a need, and a cry because of XXX that will stop before I am even down the hallway.
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Old 03-29-2012, 07:08 PM   #84
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

Yep, it's people like that who make me look bad when I say that I used CIO for DD. Her fussing for 5-15 minutes TOPS is a far cry from hours of screaming at the top of their lungs in a closed room without solace. I honestly don't know how you could even do that - it physically hurts me to hear them cry.
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Old 03-29-2012, 08:28 PM   #85
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

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Yep, it's people like that who make me look bad when I say that I used CIO for DD. Her fussing for 5-15 minutes TOPS is a far cry from hours of screaming at the top of their lungs in a closed room without solace. I honestly don't know how you could even do that - it physically hurts me to hear them cry.
Me, too. I cannot stand it. It's like every instinct in me just screams, "GET THE BABY!" even if it isn't my own baby.
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Old 03-29-2012, 08:44 PM   #86
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

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Me, too. I cannot stand it. It's like every instinct in me just screams, "GET THE BABY!" even if it isn't my own baby.
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Old 03-29-2012, 09:33 PM   #87
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

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Me, too. I cannot stand it. It's like every instinct in me just screams, "GET THE BABY!" even if it isn't my own baby.
Yep, exactly. It's just so instinctual to want to go soothe them. I remember being in the hospital waiting room and just being in tears because I could hear some little one screeching their poor little lungs out in one of the exam rooms, and I knew that if it hurt me that badly what is it doing to that poor child's parents? I could never let my child screech like that. I'd let DD fuss if I was pretty sure that the only thing that was wrong was that she was fighting sleep, but if it escalated, back in the room I would go with her in my arms trying to find out what the problem was.
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Old 03-29-2012, 10:39 PM   #88
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

Intersteding conversation.

On night terrors I find it interesting to hear of others kids. ds1 use to have night terrors at about 18 months. He'd have 1 or 2 a month for a little bit. He has never CIO'd, and didn't wake up many times at night. He does have ADHD, so I wonder if it was that. He was also a high needs baby, had bac colic, but I wonder if it was due to my PPD and didn't feel that bond with me at first. I believe his ADHD is genetic as my DH, FIL, SIL and brother all have ADD.

I personally believe that children become more independent when you let them be dependent. Meaning, I believe that if I let my kids wean themselves from bed-sharing/co-sleeping that they will be more confident and comfortable when they decide to sleep on their own. And that has been my experience with ds1. He weaned at 3 years, the same time he was completely dry at night. He had been STTN for a year by then but I assume he still needed that close comfort. At almost 5 years old he sleeps great, is happy when he wakes up, is healthy and very independent and social. ds2 is still in bed with us, but he's only 23 months. He does STTN but he still nuses once or twice at night (without waking up since I'm right there). I feel that my kids didn't need to CIO or fuss at night because I was there with them and they knew that even if they were asleep. I've not really had any night time battles like other parents speak about, and I do think that has to do with the fact that we bed-share. My kids go to bed at 7 pm and wake up around 7:30 am, always happy. Since my kids have bed-shared from day 1, I think it would be really stressful to keep going in after a few minutes if they were crying. My kids have never really been criers except when ds1 had colic. I think they don't cry as much as others because their night time needs are being met and they just don't have a reason to cry. CIO or even fussing it out is not right for *my family*.

I could never let my kids CIO, or push them into independence before they're ready for it. It physically hurts to hear babies, and even toddlers, cry and be ignored. My breasts start to ache and my heart starts to race. I hate seeing babies crying in a restaurant or store and the mom just keeps on with her business and acts like the baby isn't crying.

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Old 03-30-2012, 06:31 AM   #89
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

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Yep, it's people like that who make me look bad when I say that I used CIO for DD. Her fussing for 5-15 minutes TOPS is a far cry from hours of screaming at the top of their lungs in a closed room without solace. I honestly don't know how you could even do that - it physically hurts me to hear them cry.

The mistake here is using the term CIO. I would suggest describing your system as sleep training.
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Old 03-30-2012, 07:24 AM   #90
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Re: CIO does not mean leave your kid to scream for hours

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The mistake here is using the term CIO. I would suggest describing your system as sleep training.
Yeah, but for the most part people think it's the same thing.

And really it wasn't sleep training. She was tired and fussy. After checking everything else out, I chose to try to let her fall asleep. She's an easily distracted child, so in order to let her fall asleep that means leaving her alone for a few minutes. In most cases that meant a couple of minutes of sleepy sounding crying, and out she went.
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