Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-30-2012, 05:24 PM   #11
Mamata3
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Okinawa Japan
Posts: 1,308
My Mood:
You cando what we did and move to another country lol. Ino really I would just tell them DO NOT come over until I invite you, but do it nice

Advertisement

__________________
Melissa my newbie Paxton Richard. Marine wife to John SAHM to 4 little turkeys
Mamata3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-30-2012, 06:30 PM   #12
KatrinaLoves's Avatar
KatrinaLoves
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Western Washington
Posts: 1,022
Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mamata3 View Post
You cando what we did and move to another country lol. Ino really I would just tell them DO NOT come over until I invite you, but do it nice

Sometimes I really wished DH and I were stationed abroad still.

And OP, I'm dealing with a similar situation. My mother insists she'll be at the birth. She's very... excited about her first grandchildren. We've been very clear that no one will be present, other than appropriate midwives/doctors, except for my DH and a doula. If my DH is gone for the birth (he's military), then only the doula will be present, and NOBODY (no, not even grandma) gets to see the babies until daddy first receives pictures.

She keeps laughing it off as if I'm not serious.
Why would someone joke around about that?

If she fails to realize we're serious before I'm in labor, then she'll be in for a real shock when hospital security won't allow her past the waiting room (we've already discussed the situation with the midwife).

Remember, it's not you hurting their feelings; it's their lack of courtesy and awareness that is causing their feelings to be hurt.

Not their baby, not their day, not their place to be setting expectations or making demands.

Oh, and I wouldn't bother with a letter, imo. If anything, it might make you appear less reasonable (and more birth-zilla-ish).
__________________
Married 03.06 to the cutest man I know: Soldier by day, CrossFit instructor by night.
Loving our rainbow twins, Sullivan and Benjamin (5.12)
Parenting consistently and in love is all the matters. Your label or philosophy won't raise good children, your example will.
KatrinaLoves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2012, 12:48 PM   #13
Mdhikingmama
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Washington Metro
Posts: 8
My Mood:
Re: Letter to vistors after birth

We joked about moving but we can't. Over the weekend DH and kids talked, we agreed to not say anything it's DH job to handle her Once I go into labor we aren't telling anyone till we are ready for visitors.

I guess I never realized how different and unique each families inner workings are till sorting this out and lots of reading. In the 6 years we have been together no ever asked the other family " in your family how do you do this or what is the tradition in your family" perhaps I wouldntbe referring to her as monster in law and I'm sure what she calls me isn't very nice either.
Mdhikingmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2012, 02:06 PM   #14
champatlife's Avatar
champatlife
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Tyler, Tx
Posts: 1,812
Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Pay for her to get a hotel for the night as a present? (hahaha, I'm kidding) I really hurt my mom and MILs feelings because I refused to let them in our hospital room at all even during the boring part of labor, in fear that they would wear out their welcome. So I simply said, "no one is coming in the room. this is my birth, and my experience. I want the only accounts of what happens in this room to come from ME! (haha and I suppose my hubby can share his, haha.)
__________________
Selling my turbofire workout program $50 http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/...8#post16579758
champatlife is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2012, 02:13 PM   #15
AleahDeann's Avatar
AleahDeann
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,776
My Mood:
Re: Letter to vistors after birth

DH and I are the same way, the birth is just for us. This is our 3rd and both mom and MIL still assume they will get to be at the birth. My mom is better this time and asked if we were going to allow it this time and i just told her no, it helps that she will be at home with our other 2 and will be one of the first visitors just because she will be bringing in my other sons.

However this is your birth and needs to go how you want it. All you can do is let everyone know ahead of time that you will call when you are ready for visitors and that you would like some bonding/ recovery time right after baby is born. Remind them that doors will be locked, window closed, blinds down and they will not be welcome if they try to come before called. Its not selfish, its not rude, they can say whatever they want to make you feel guilty. But remember mama you dont get this day back, so do it for you, for your family, for your baby!
__________________
Aleah Happily married to Paul my NAVY corpseman!
SAHM to Zander (9/16/09) ,Drezden (12/16/2010) , Syler (5/16/2012) and Ryker (8/9/2013) Katara (3/1/2015)
AleahDeann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2012, 02:13 PM   #16
AleahDeann's Avatar
AleahDeann
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 1,776
My Mood:
Re: Letter to vistors after birth

DH and I are the same way, the birth is just for us. This is our 3rd and both mom and MIL still assume they will get to be at the birth. My mom is better this time and asked if we were going to allow it this time and i just told her no, it helps that she will be at home with our other 2 and will be one of the first visitors just because she will be bringing in my other sons.

However this is your birth and needs to go how you want it. All you can do is let everyone know ahead of time that you will call when you are ready for visitors and that you would like some bonding/ recovery time right after baby is born. Remind them that doors will be locked, window closed, blinds down and they will not be welcome if they try to come before called. Its not selfish, its not rude, they can say whatever they want to make you feel guilty. But remember mama you dont get this day back, so do it for you, for your family, for your baby!
__________________
Aleah Happily married to Paul my NAVY corpseman!
SAHM to Zander (9/16/09) ,Drezden (12/16/2010) , Syler (5/16/2012) and Ryker (8/9/2013) Katara (3/1/2015)
AleahDeann is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2012, 03:00 PM   #17
ALNaturMom
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Deep South
Posts: 283
My Mood:
Re: Letter to vistors after birth

The book Boundaries by Townsend and....I forgot the other author, is FANTASTIC for ways to deal with these types of situations. If you read it, then DH would benefit too, since he'll be dealing with MIL. It goes into why people cross boundaries, the emotional and other forms of guilt and manipulation they turn to, and how to deal with them effectively.
ALNaturMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-02-2012, 05:14 PM   #18
magdalynaa's Avatar
magdalynaa
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 853
Re: Letter to vistors after birth

Here's what our MW gave us. I'm not crazy about it, but it may be a useful starting point.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	letter.jpg
Views:	69
Size:	89.5 KB
ID:	100066  
magdalynaa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 07:31 AM   #19
Anna0623
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,698
My Mood:
Re: Letter to vistors after birth

so sorry your having to go through this hope you figure out how to deal with it, have had similar experience and Im not afraid to hurt other feelings any more I have 2 c sections under me and individuals visiting to help that cause so much more work for me while i should have been sitting and recovering.
Anna0623 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.