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Old 03-23-2012, 01:36 PM   #1
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DP is 20 years older than me and...

Ok, this may be all over the place as I am a little emotional today, so here goes

Sometimes I just feel so lost. Our relationship is great, he is my very best friend and knows everything about me. He is very old fashioned and very country. He grew up with an intact family, where his mom cared for his dad, they garden, hunt, fish, raise animals, ect. His family really is amazing and sometimes I just feel like I don't measure up to his expectations. He never comes across that way, and is very sweet and patient with me, but this is so much harder than I even thought it would be. I don't always understand "where he's coming from," and I feel like he deserves so much. I want to take care of him, I want him to approve of what I do, and the decisions I make. I suppose I'm old fashioned in that sense, too. He taught me pretty much everything I know, both in my career (he is my partner) and about being a wife and mother. I grew up in a....less than ideal situation, and I didn't even know "normal" families existed. If I'm not sure about something, I ask, and he usually responds with "well what do you think you should do?" and we sort of go from there. He has a bad temper, though and when he snaps at me, I almost just want to cry. I feel like I'm trying my very best to figure all this out, and I *thought* I was doing a pretty good job until this past week when we went to Florida (sans kids) to visit some of his family that I've never met. I felt completely shunned. The women in that part of the family basically stay home and gossip while the men go hunting and fishing. Well, that's not how DP and I roll. We do pretty much everything together, and we like it that way. He works for the sheriffs and a federal agency and gets called out with barely a moments notice pretty often. When we have time together, we cherish it. We were supposed to stay with his cousin and his wife, and when she found out I was going on the fishing trip with them (as soon as we arrived), she got all huffy and told us we couldn't stay there because we weren't married. Um...you knew that before we came? What I think it really was after coming home and hearing comments is that she didn't know I was 22. She assumed I was older, and when she seen me, she immediately judged our relationship. Now, I don't particularly care what people think, but his family is SO close, and now I feel like I'm causing rifts. DP and this cousin were really close and don't get to see each other often, and when it happened DP of course immediately told me to get in the truck, he would handle it. I'm grateful and thankful he stood up for me, and us, but I felt terrible he was put into that position. While I know it wasn't my fault, I feel like it was. He reassured me it didn't matter what others thought, we were happy, so it shouldn't matter BUT I just lost it. We actually ended up leaving 2 days early over this outburst. I am not a crier, and I cried. Had my little breakdown over this woman whom doesn't even know me. I get along with everyone, and while not everyone approved at first, they've accepted it and they're friendly with me. My stepsons get a kick out of calling me mom in the store and watching the confused looks we get (they are 21 and 16). I love his 4 year old daughter, and she isn't old enough to know the difference, and he is amazing with my kids and refers to them as his own. I respect and love him more than anyone I know, I just don't know how to navigate the negativity yet. I guess this was sort of a rant/vent, but if anyone has advice or sly snarky replies for naysayers, I'm all eyes.

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Old 03-23-2012, 01:43 PM   #2
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Re: DP is 20 years older than me and...

I'm sorry those few treated you that way, they should open their eyes and see you two are in love and happy and not judge you based on your age and assume ill intentions or something.
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Old 04-01-2012, 06:43 PM   #3
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Re: DP is 20 years older than me and...

How long have you guys been a couple? I ask because maybe when they see that you are in it for the long term and not some hussy they'll come around. It's not your fault in the least, but if he has kids then I assume he also has at least one ex. Maybe that ex did him wrong so to speak and they are just being protective. Also someone that much older may have assets that he has earned separately from you and again, they may be worried about your motives. Again this is NOT your problem or fault and kudos for you and your dp for sticking it out regardless of what people say. I am just throwing out ideas as to why they aren't warming up to you right away. If you had a "normal" family as you put it, I am sure they would be just as protective of you. Good luck. Sounds like you found a great guy!!
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Old 04-01-2012, 07:58 PM   #4
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Re: DP is 20 years older than me and...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Fantasy_Fox View Post
I'm sorry those few treated you that way, they should open their eyes and see you two are in love and happy and not judge you based on your age and assume ill intentions or something.
Agreed.

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Old 04-01-2012, 11:14 PM   #5
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Re: DP is 20 years older than me and...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet_Fantasy_Fox View Post
I'm sorry those few treated you that way, they should open their eyes and see you two are in love and happy and not judge you based on your age and assume ill intentions or something.
i pretty much agree with this.

i know several couples where the age differences range from 15 years to almost 30 years. and if your in love, i respect that it was your choice to be in that. some people are just so closed minded to everything.
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Old 04-07-2012, 09:54 PM   #6
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Re: DP is 20 years older than me and...

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Originally Posted by hullabal98 View Post
How long have you guys been a couple? I ask because maybe when they see that you are in it for the long term and not some hussy they'll come around. It's not your fault in the least, but if he has kids then I assume he also has at least one ex. Maybe that ex did him wrong so to speak and they are just being protective. Also someone that much older may have assets that he has earned separately from you and again, they may be worried about your motives. Again this is NOT your problem or fault and kudos for you and your dp for sticking it out regardless of what people say. I am just throwing out ideas as to why they aren't warming up to you right away. If you had a "normal" family as you put it, I am sure they would be just as protective of you. Good luck. Sounds like you found a great guy!!
Honestly, I think you hit it dead on the head. He has money. In my own defense, I had NO idea when I met him. I mean, who thinks a cop has money? He doesn't act like it, doesn't dress like it, doesn't spend like it. I never would have guessed, but he comes from an oil family. We have been together about a year and a half, but since I wasn't in state a lot of the time, they really havent gotten a chance to know me. In their defense..they are sweet to me generally, but during that vacay, it just hit hard and sucked. We are talking about getting married and I brought up a prenup, and he honestly got offended. His response was "Why sugar bear..you plannin on leavin me?" I was just trying to prove it wasn't his money I wanted at all...but he knows that. Yes, his ex..is um...well, think evil. And I don't draw that opinion of her from him but her actions and nearly everyone in this town. She isn't...sane, I don't believe.
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