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Old 04-06-2012, 07:31 PM   #1
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Providing for the Needs of 2 kids 2 years apart

Back story: My DD was born in April 2008 and my DS in May 2010. I WOH full time as a teacher and my DH works too. My DH is a loving father, but he isn't very hands on with any of the "chores" when it comes to having kids. He wasn't raised that way and I knew it when I met him, so I do the feeding, diaper changing, dressing, decision making etc when it comes to them. He will bathe them, and will do things if I'm not there, but I'm not gone very much.

The problem:

My DS is a mama's boy through and through. I nursed him for 17 months and he is much more attached to me, and always has been. If I'm around he could care less who else is there because he only wants me. He has been this way since birth.

DD is an independent but strong willed almost 4 year old. She is in that constant whining phase, where even giving her what she wants within reason doesn't stop her from whining. The whining is something that drives me bonkers. I can't take it. I literally cannot listen to her when she is speaking like that. She is also a drama diva which I do not relate to at all. I am and always have been a tomboy. She is a girly girl. She screams at bugs and dirt and everything, and it ANNOYS me. I hate to say that about my baby girl because I love her, but I am often annoyed with her. If I try to play with her, it usually ends with her whining or bossing me around. She IS one of the girls I have avoided my whole live.

I feel guilty because DS is so easy. As long as I'm around, I can usually limit his whining or crying and he will play with me as long as I play with him. He is just happy to be playing. DD whines if I play, and whines if I don't. She is hard to be around for me I don't know how to relate to her, but I feel I'm missing something.

DH also doesn't help because if DS is pitching a fit for me, instead of dealing with him, DH makes me deal with him which means I have less time to give attention to DD. I need some help. I'm certain b/c DS monopolizes all my time that it adds to DD's whining behavior, but alot of it is also her personality. She has been this way since birth (I wasn't sure I wanted more kids for the first ten months after she was born).

I don't want her to grow up thinking that I like DS more or that I don't want to spend time with her, but I'm struggling to do just that.

Any advice mamas?? Please tell me some of you have BTDT!

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Old 04-06-2012, 09:17 PM   #2
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No advice, but ((HUGS)). I've got a similar dynamic here. Ods and I butt heads a lot and I don't understand his extreme moods, whining, etc. I think that I actually overcompensate and give him more attention, especially since yds weaned. I spend a lot of my time feeling guilty about our personality clash (he is bold/aggressive/loud and I am very passive/quiet/etc), ods never seeming satisfied (whiny, jealous, etc), and yds getting less attention because "the squeaky wheel gets the grease." no words of wisdom yet, but I am there with you.
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