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Old 04-05-2012, 01:09 PM   #1
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Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

My DF wants me to either quit my job and find a P/T job, or go P/T here. We just found out we're having a third baby and frankly I've been freaking out about how we're going to afford it. Daycare is insane. I really do wish I could stay home but we just can't afford it...we need some kind of income from me. Plus, my job is salary whereas his is hourly, so I always know my money will be there but he could get cut or laid off for weeks at a time. I had horrible PPD with Wesley though so I'm concerned about working full time anyway and to be honest I've been trying to figure a way not to have to.

Anyway. Lately I've been doing less around the house. I also go to school online at night. I've just been so sick and tired. Especially cooking makes me feel really sick and I'm having a huge meat aversion. DF has been alternately grouchy and understanding about it. Today was one of the grouchy days. He is all mad because "I barely cook anymore" and he wants me to "focus on home more" ????? HOW DO I DO THIS WHEN I WORK 40 HOURS PER WEEK AND GO TO SCHOOL??????? HOWWWWWWW????

It basically turned into a crappy fight where he accused me of being a bad "woman" and housekeeper. The gender roles stereotype is one of my buttons, and it set me off. So I told him he was a bad "man" because he couldn't support this family by himself, and that when I could stay home with the kids, I would gladly have a hot meal ready each night for him. But now he seriously wants me to quit my job, or at least go part time. I would LOVE TO. But I'm trying to figure out how to make it work. If we didn't have a car payment, we could probably squeeze by without me working. But we do, and it won't be paid off for 2 more years. Thrifty mamas, what can I do? I don't think we could even sell the car because we would barely get what we owe, if that. It seems like daycare costs would make part time work not even worth it, considering I net around 400/week after daycare now but would get about 250/week after daycare working 3 days a week...

I'm not sure what I want here. I just don't know what to do. DF is being a jerk and criticizing me and blaming me for this pregnancy and just everything. I feel like such a bad mom because I hardly see my kids and I'm exhausted all the time. Something has to change...there has to be a way.


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Old 04-05-2012, 02:30 PM   #2
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Re: Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

Hi Mama. Take a deep breath! You're right, something probably does need to change.

As far as figuring out first thought on reading your post is that you need to sit down and look at how you and DF are currently spending your money. Then try to figure out if there are any places you could save. You said that you have a car payment and don't think you could sell your car for more than you owe on look at other areas. Cable TV? Data plan on your phones? Eating out a lot? Entertainment? We've found that cutting a little from several places saves us a lot in the end. After looking at where your money goes and how that could change, you'll be able to see if it is realistic to go P/T.

Another thing to think about is how your (and DF's) time is being spent. What things could be changed so that you don't feel stretched so thin? Take a semester off of school? DF take on some of the responsibilities at home that you currently do?

I don't think there is necessarily one "right" solution to your current situation...but I do think that if you and DF sit down and think things through, you'll be able to come up with something that will work for your family. Take care!
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Old 04-09-2012, 12:59 AM   #3
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Re: Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

I can relate to you so much mama!!! My DH and I work opposite shifts but im the one who works nights and then comes home and doesn't sleep because I have to take care of my kids. It has been over 4.5 longs years of doing this and I am fed up with it and know I must change something very soon. We are trying to buy a house this fall so I have been working more shifts to get our downpayment saved. It is all on me to get it saved. My DH's paychecks are used for our bills ect. so we don't have anything left to save out of his money. I am looking at ways to cut as well. I think the cable, phones even food bill each month can be cut alot for most people. When you are staying home you will save on work related expenses like clothing, food and gas. I hope you can figure a way to be less stressed and be home more with your kids. Could you guys do opposite shifts at all???
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Old 04-09-2012, 01:24 AM   #4
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<<hugs>> I have no helpful advice. I just feel your frustration.
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Old 04-09-2012, 01:59 AM   #5
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Re: Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

Sounds like he's willing to man up and make it work. Let him. Stay home with your babies. You may have to sit down and make a plan, but why not let df have your trust and let him take care of you? I am actually in the same boat as you, and it is scary to think my paychecks will be ending, but we will make it work somehow. Childcare is one of our biggest expenses anyway.
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Old 04-09-2012, 06:19 AM   #6
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Re: Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

Sell the car mama. If you're a SAHM, what need do you have for the car? You'd save on insurance as well and gas, save that up for a couple of months and buy you a beater with cash. First get ruthless on the budget. If you have cable, cut it. If you have cell phones, drop the plans or get rid of them, get a cheap landline instead - magic jack or vonage are good ones. Cut eating out, and do a post mortem on what you've been spending and slice that too. Then once you're out from under the car, you can quit and stay home with your babies.

The hardest thing is usually getting DH on board, but if he wants to have you home, this is how it has to be. you don't get to live on less without making some budget cuts. If you want to post a budget and get help with what to cut and how, post in the thrifty Forum.
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Old 04-09-2012, 06:47 AM   #7
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Re: Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

Since your job is more stable could he be the sham parent? I know my dh would never go for it but worth a shot. But i also know how it is my baby is due in two weeks and i just left on mat leave i do not want to go back. I am torn. BUt like the previous poster i work nights so we do opposite shifts we don't need childcare. Is that something yu could do at least part-time that way you won't be spening money there?
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Old 04-09-2012, 07:07 AM   #8
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Re: Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

oh boy, this sounds tough mama. Have you considered taking a break from school until after the baby is born? I know you wont want to do that but the reality of your full time job and two kids and a pregnancy may just be too much right now. You have to prioritize and your babies and your livelihood (via your job) are at the top of the list. I have taken a break from online classes after putting in two years because for now, I just can't keep up. I work 50 hours a week and have 3 kids under 5 so I really do understand the challenge.
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Old 04-09-2012, 08:41 AM   #9
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Re: Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

So, you say you could make it work on his income if you didn't have the car payment. And that you net $400 a week after day care. So, can you try out paying all expenses except day care and the car out of his paycheck, and then put your entire paycheck onto the car? That would serve 2 purposes. 1. By paying $1200 a month to the car I would imagine you'd have it paid off fairly quickly and 2. Test out the theory that you really can make it work on his income alone.
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:10 AM   #10
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Re: Switching to Part Time? Need help and a DF rant...

Is the car with the payment a primary car or 2nd car? If it's secondary, sell it and plan on having 1 car for a while. Become a SAHM. You need to worry about your mental health, the kids depend on you. You are pregnant, you don't need to be in a high stress situation.
If your car with the payment is the primary car, do you guys have $$ saved? Can you afford to spend some on buying a car, then selling the one you have the payment on?
If you can sell it and break even, take it and run.
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