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Old 04-17-2012, 09:02 AM   #1
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How not to compare twins' development?

I am struggling with this-- one of my boys (the one who was bigger at birth, but not bigger now) is much more advanced than the other one. He's close to crawling, can sit by himself for a short time, just more aware of his surroundings and interactive. How can I stop myself from comparing them and just letting each kid advance at his own pace? TIA!!

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Old 04-17-2012, 09:03 AM   #2
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Just keep telling urself to relax. Are they identical?

I compare my kids a lot. And they are 18 months apart. It's the nature of being a parent
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:09 PM   #3
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Re: How not to compare twins' development?

If they are fraternal twins (and even if they are identical, though they tend to develop more in tandem), it is the same as comparing them to any other baby off the street. They are two separate people with two separate sets of strengths.
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Old 04-19-2012, 07:37 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by autumnlala
I am struggling with this-- one of my boys (the one who was bigger at birth, but not bigger now) is much more advanced than the other one. He's close to crawling, can sit by himself for a short time, just more aware of his surroundings and interactive. How can I stop myself from comparing them and just letting each kid advance at his own pace? TIA!!
How early were they? If one had a rougher Nicu stay that may be some of it. One of mine had about 12 more days on the ventilator then the other and he has been consistently behind in milestones by about two weeks. Nothing scientific but just my personal experience!
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Old 04-19-2012, 07:50 PM   #5
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Re: How not to compare twins' development?

I do it all of the time. Mine are widely diff in their development. Don't guilt yourself...it is just your instinct to compare them. Are they getting early intervention?
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Old 04-21-2012, 06:25 AM   #6
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Re: How not to compare twins' development?

Totally normal Mama! And in some ways it is good. You are closely aware of what each one is doing so you can watch for red flags, etc. Mine are developing about a month apart in gross motor skills...but I honestly think it is a large part because 'A's personality is just more laid back (she has been more content since birth).
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Old 04-21-2012, 02:52 PM   #7
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Re: How not to compare twins' development?

They were only a bit early -- 36 weeks, 6 days. The bigger one was on the little one's cord in my belly, so they were over a pound different in weight at birth. They both came home with me, but then lost a lot of weight and had trouble keeping their temps up and went to the NICU for a week at one week old. The smaller one had more trouble than the bigger one in the NICU and after.

The smaller one is now bigger (!!) but he is the one who is behind the other developmentally. I'm not sure he is really "behind" enough that we need intervention, we have a 6-month checkup coming up soon and I have all kinds of questions to ask!! Thanks
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Old 04-21-2012, 04:10 PM   #8
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Re: How not to compare twins' development?

Quote:
Originally Posted by autumnlala View Post
They were only a bit early -- 36 weeks, 6 days. The bigger one was on the little one's cord in my belly, so they were over a pound different in weight at birth. They both came home with me, but then lost a lot of weight and had trouble keeping their temps up and went to the NICU for a week at one week old. The smaller one had more trouble than the bigger one in the NICU and after.

The smaller one is now bigger (!!) but he is the one who is behind the other developmentally. I'm not sure he is really "behind" enough that we need intervention, we have a 6-month checkup coming up soon and I have all kinds of questions to ask!! Thanks
I don't know how early they have to be to qualify for pt and birth to 3? Mine actually wouldn't qualify except that they were 26 weekers. But I go to the pt regularly just for peace of mind. It is nice to hear they are doing well and to sit quietly for a minute while the therapists ooh and aah over them while they are playing with them. You might ask at your 6 month checkup if your ped will refer you...just for peace of mind .
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Old 04-21-2012, 07:18 PM   #9
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Re: How not to compare twins' development?

Quote:
Originally Posted by autumnlala View Post
They were only a bit early -- 36 weeks, 6 days. The bigger one was on the little one's cord in my belly, so they were over a pound different in weight at birth. They both came home with me, but then lost a lot of weight and had trouble keeping their temps up and went to the NICU for a week at one week old. The smaller one had more trouble than the bigger one in the NICU and after.

The smaller one is now bigger (!!) but he is the one who is behind the other developmentally. I'm not sure he is really "behind" enough that we need intervention, we have a 6-month checkup coming up soon and I have all kinds of questions to ask!! Thanks

All of this sounds exactly like my twins. Born at 36W6D. Baby A was bigger at birth. Within a month baby B was bigger and has stayed bigger their entire lifetime. Baby A has always done everything earlier. Baby B has done everything later (but in the normal range...just at the very end of it)! Everything sounds good to me, but you can't help to not compare them when they are there side by side.
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