Diaper Swappers

blessed1018 · 04-24-2012, 09:39 PM

I know there are several posts here about early losses. I just felt the need to post and get this out (along with a couple questions).

I was due 12/12/12. This would have been our second child and we were so excited. It took two years to have our son, and I thought it would take at least that long for another - it didn't. One month and "bam" a positive. We started to think of names. We talked about how our two would be almost exactly 24 months apart. We shared our news with family and few close friends. Then we found a wonderful birth center and midwives across the state line and visited and loved it. The next day I started to bleed.

My heart dropped into the bottom of the ocean - a void, numb place. My family, husband, and friends were hopeful. After all we knew plenty of people to bleed and have babies just fine. But I knew - I knew something was wrong.

After a weekend of bleeding, I got Hcg results back today and the levels were barely 800 and I was at least 5 weeks along (though by my LMP I was 6.5). I was already cramping (previous bleeding had no cramps with it). They did an ultrasound yesterday and there was no sac, no yolk, no anything.

I cramped all day and now it stopped. I had one "largish" clot pass, about the size of my thumb. Other than that, just smaller ones. Does this sound right - especially since there was no *anything* in the ultrasound? It breaks my heart to think about it - but did the baby stop growing before it even had a sac or could it "pop" and not be seen in the ultrasound? I feel morbid for wishing something recognizable would come out so that I could have peace and say goodbye to our baby.

I'm sorry if any of this sounds stupid. I am just so...everything...right now. My husband, God bless him, does not know what to say. My family says "it's for the best" and "part of God's plan"...which makes me want to scream.

HookedByCarolyn · 04-28-2012, 05:17 PM

I can't answer your questions bc my loss occured later. But I am SO sorry! It is absolutely heartbreaking! A lot of the things most people said to me did not help, and actually irritated me. But I told myself that at least they were trying to help. I am so very sorry for your loss!

keen1981 · 04-28-2012, 05:29 PM

Nothing in the ultrasound...means nothing. I had a 10 week loss and nothing was on the ultrasound (too full with blood) and I passed the baby, complete in sack, a couple days later.

Now at 5 weeks, ur baby is sooo tiny, a sesame seed, so you probably will not find a distinct sack in the clots. But maybe. I think early losses are like a very heavy period. Where as losses even just a few weeks later may mimic labor (mine did) I had timetable contrax and my baby came out in his sack. He just 'slipped' out. So to speak .

I am sorry for your loss mama. Why must we go they this? It's simply not fair. Rest as much as you can.

jacquelinemarie82 · 04-28-2012, 08:14 PM

I don't know the answers for sure but wish you peace during this time.

blessed1018 · 04-30-2012, 08:31 AM

Thank you ladies. I stopped bleeding (it was a week total) and only passed a couple smallish clots. I go in for bloodwork tomorrow to see if my levels are dropping off. It is hard for me to say this, but I still have hope that there is still a baby there and this bleeding was just random and the few clots meant nothing. I feel so stupid for feeling that way. Once I have this bloodwork done, I feel like I can let that last piece of hope go.

keen1981 · 04-30-2012, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blessed1018

Thank you ladies. I stopped bleeding (it was a week total) and only passed a couple smallish clots. I go in for bloodwork tomorrow to see if my levels are dropping off. It is hard for me to say this, but I still have hope that there is still a baby there and this bleeding was just random and the few clots meant nothing. I feel so stupid for feeling that way. Once I have this bloodwork done, I feel like I can let that last piece of hope go.

Well, honestly, it is most likely a loss. But it is POSSIBLE to have had a SCH!!!! I think we all wish hope and pray that the hcg numbers tell us something different. It's not stupid. It's human. GL to you! I had a horrific bleed with my DS in my avi. It was filled with clots and horrific cramping. But the bleed was away from him. Praying for you!

myblessedbaby · 04-30-2012, 09:57 AM

sorry for your loss mama. I've BTDT several times, having 5 early losses. With several of them, I passed a largish tissue type stuff about the size of a grape and I believe that was the gestational sac.

jenbengtson · 05-22-2012, 10:00 PM

I jsut had my first lose this weekend, and I passed smallish clots, nothing really big, had so many cramps and at times they felt like contractions. The Dr said today that everything look good on the ultrasound, and I did pass everything, and the baby must of stopped growing a few wks ago, and thats why I didn't pass any thing really big. Everything had already started to breakdown, and thats why I just had what looked like tissue. I hope your healing well <3 HUGS to you

twinpossible · 05-23-2012, 10:02 PM

Sorry mama

I had an early loss in Jan. at 5 weeks and another loss this month at 11 weeks. What you are describing sounds like my loss at 5 weeks. It was only a week of bleeding but heavy and smaller clots then it was done. The good news is I conceived again right away but that bean just didn't make it.
I HATE it when people say those comments like "God's plan" or "it wasn't time". I might be a little on the really honest side but I have just told people straight out, "that is not helpful to me right now." Most of the time people realize why without me needing to explain.
I hope the next baby is a nice sticky baby for you, I can only hope that when babies are wanted this badly they will come.

cristy_1996 · 05-24-2012, 06:09 AM

I am so sad to read this. I know e pain all too well and hate that you have to experience it. I would LOVE to hear good news from your doctor. I will pray for you and hope for the best.

No one knows what to say and only until I had a miscarriage did I know what NOT to say, you know? I hated hearing that crap. So I will just say it how we think it. It is simply not fair. We should NOT have to go through this pain. It sucks so bad.

There is such a great support system in DS...much better than I found in real life for sure so don't be afraid to reach out to any of us. :HUGS:

04-24-2012, 09:39 PM	#1
blessed1018 Registered Users Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North Dakota Posts: 849 Ratings: 5 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	First Loss, not sure what to expect (pregnancy and child mentioned) I know there are several posts here about early losses. I just felt the need to post and get this out (along with a couple questions). I was due 12/12/12. This would have been our second child and we were so excited. It took two years to have our son, and I thought it would take at least that long for another - it didn't. One month and "bam" a positive. We started to think of names. We talked about how our two would be almost exactly 24 months apart. We shared our news with family and few close friends. Then we found a wonderful birth center and midwives across the state line and visited and loved it. The next day I started to bleed. My heart dropped into the bottom of the ocean - a void, numb place. My family, husband, and friends were hopeful. After all we knew plenty of people to bleed and have babies just fine. But I knew - I knew something was wrong. After a weekend of bleeding, I got Hcg results back today and the levels were barely 800 and I was at least 5 weeks along (though by my LMP I was 6.5). I was already cramping (previous bleeding had no cramps with it). They did an ultrasound yesterday and there was no sac, no yolk, no anything. I cramped all day and now it stopped. I had one "largish" clot pass, about the size of my thumb. Other than that, just smaller ones. Does this sound right - especially since there was no anything in the ultrasound? It breaks my heart to think about it - but did the baby stop growing before it even had a sac or could it "pop" and not be seen in the ultrasound? I feel morbid for wishing something recognizable would come out so that I could have peace and say goodbye to our baby. I'm sorry if any of this sounds stupid. I am just so...everything...right now. My husband, God bless him, does not know what to say. My family says "it's for the best" and "part of God's plan"...which makes me want to scream.

04-28-2012, 05:17 PM	#2
HookedByCarolyn Registered Users Formerly: shaneNspencersmommy Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 3,004 Ratings: 190 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	I can't answer your questions bc my loss occured later. But I am SO sorry! It is absolutely heartbreaking! A lot of the things most people said to me did not help, and actually irritated me. But I told myself that at least they were trying to help. I am so very sorry for your loss! __________________ Carolyn ~ mommy to 4boys (9, 6, 2.5, 2months) 2girls (4, 9months) and 2^i^ MY RAINBOW is here! Already 2 months old! KNIT GALLERYMY STORECROCHET GALLERY

04-28-2012, 05:29 PM	#3
keen1981 Registered Users Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 11,677 Ratings: 125 Feedback: 100%	Nothing in the ultrasound...means nothing. I had a 10 week loss and nothing was on the ultrasound (too full with blood) and I passed the baby, complete in sack, a couple days later. Now at 5 weeks, ur baby is sooo tiny, a sesame seed, so you probably will not find a distinct sack in the clots. But maybe. I think early losses are like a very heavy period. Where as losses even just a few weeks later may mimic labor (mine did) I had timetable contrax and my baby came out in his sack. He just 'slipped' out. So to speak . I am sorry for your loss mama. Why must we go they this? It's simply not fair. Rest as much as you can. __________________ BFing, CDing, all natural mama to three boys! Certified lactation Counselor

04-28-2012, 08:14 PM	#4
jacquelinemarie82 Registered Users Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 9,143 Ratings: 266 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: First Loss, not sure what to expect (pregnancy and child mentioned) I don't know the answers for sure but wish you peace during this time.

04-30-2012, 08:31 AM	#5
blessed1018 Registered Users Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: North Dakota Posts: 849 Ratings: 5 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: First Loss, not sure what to expect (pregnancy and child mentioned) Thank you ladies. I stopped bleeding (it was a week total) and only passed a couple smallish clots. I go in for bloodwork tomorrow to see if my levels are dropping off. It is hard for me to say this, but I still have hope that there is still a baby there and this bleeding was just random and the few clots meant nothing. I feel so stupid for feeling that way. Once I have this bloodwork done, I feel like I can let that last piece of hope go. __________________ Samantha <3 Aspiring Midwife--Wife to David the and mom to August Benjamin and one on the way Writer for Birth Without Fear PROUD Intactivist.