Need advice/reassurance. Having 2 under 2

[Djrose]

I am due with DD in a few weeks. My biggest fear since finding out I was expecting (even though this was planned) is how my son will deal with it since he will only be 19mths old. We tell him he is going to be a big brother, and he is going to have a sister soon but he obviously just is not quite old enough to understand. Those that have kids this close. What can I do to make the new arrival smoother for him? What are some things that I should watch out for? I know there may be more tantrums, wanting to be more clingy and what not but everything I have tried to look up about helping older siblings adjust is geared more for older kids (like 2.5-5) I dont want my little boy to think he is being replaced, or we love him any less and he cant exactly communicate those feelings to me and that upsets me to no end. Any other advice, tips, and reassurance are much appreciated! TIA

[sisu]

Mine are 19 months apart. Honestly, it's been a BLAST!

Anyway, if your older child is very attached to you (mine was), make sure he gets enough one-on-one time with you after the baby is born. Make sure that he isn't getting pushed to the back burner every time the baby cries. Encourage him to snuggle with you when you're holding the baby. When the baby needs you, let Daddy and big brother go do something special together.

We got DS a doll before DD was born, and kept calling it 'the baby'. We'd bring it along on car rides, we'd hold it and snuggle it, etc. I think when DD came he kind of got the idea that she was here to stay because we had practiced with the doll so much. He would also mimic me and burp the doll, change the doll's diapers, rock it, etc.

Let him touch the baby, hug the baby, hold the baby, kiss the baby. Count the baby's finger and toes with him, let him point out her eyes, ears, nose, etc. With supervision, obviously.

Mine are 25 months and 6 months now, and they're crazy about each other. It will be OK, I was freaking out before DD was born too, but it was so much easier than I thought it would be.

[MNclothdiaperin'Momma]

My first two are 16 months apart and to be honest, the transition went really smooth. I just tried to make sure DD got enough attention and special one on one time with mom and dad. She quickly forgot what it was like to be an only and was able to adjust to waiting for things and sharing. They are now best friends and do everything together. I wouldn't stress yourself out too much about it. Your son may surprise you Good luck.

[alyssa&rylan's-mommy]

My oldest two are 17 months apart and it went so well that we're doing it again (our younger two will be 14 months apart!). As long as your still making sure that you give some one-on-one time to him after she arrives, I'm sure it'll go fine! What about getting him a big brother gift from his new baby sister when she is born?

[luvsviola]

Mine are 5, 3, and 13 months.

It is a zoo around here! The first year is hard, no question. But, esp as baby learns to walk, and older kid hits 3, it does get easier.

[mibarra]

DD1 was 21 months when DD2 was born, and had a language delay due to hearing loss. I got her a baby doll and we worked on being gentle with the baby, using 'gentle hands'. I talked about how there was a baby in my belly. When I went in to labor, my mom came and stayed at our house with DD1 so it wasn't too rough. We sent phone pics to my mom to show DD1 and tell her the baby was coming home. She LOVES her sister. She was mostly gentle with her, but we just used lots of close supervision, made sure she got 1 on 1 with me and DH every day, constantly told her how much we loved her, said we loved her sister, talked about what a good sister DD1 was, and told her how much we liked it when she was gentle with the baby. There will be some hitting, tantruming, jealousy, that's all normal, but most kids do fine, at that age they are way into babies. Our biggest problem was DD1 wanted to push DD2 in her swing, making for one wild ride. I would NOT leave them alone together, no matter how good your 1st is, until the 2nd can defend themselves at least a little. Good luck!

[GlobalMommy]

My first two are 16 months apart and I felt the same way you did before dd arrived. My son did awesome with her. I had a "I'm going to be a big brother" book and we read that a lot, but honestly he just did really well with her. Like some others have said, don't worry too much about it, shortly after new baby arrives your first will just know that as the new normal. A few extra snuggles are always good, but I bet your kids will be best friends before you know it and you'll be so glad they are close when they start sharing special moments

Have fun!!

[keen1981]

So much fun! Mind are 18 months apart! I do not remember much, lol, but they are very close.

[chello]

Jealousy over a new baby in my experience (with my kids and my friends' kids) is that it's not so much of a big deal. Make sure the older one gets special time with you, figure out something special for when you're nursing, that's when my kids always got upset, because I couldn't just turn and play with them, I was stuck sitting there. Maybe nurse on the couch so they can sit beside you and snuggle, or have a special dvd that they watch when you're nursing, or something. But on the whole I found it went pretty smooth, of course we talked about the new baby, and practiced gentle hands. But kids who are older (like 3+), now that's where it seems to be tricky.

[Suzi]

Mine are 15 months apart. Honestly #1 really didn't understand anything, he didn't know enough to be jealous. There was suddenly a baby around and he just accepted it. But, i had also started to "wean" him from me a little before #2 came so he would be a little more used to waiting for me and such. Getting #1 to adjust was easier than getting me to adjust, lol