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Old 05-12-2012, 06:34 PM   #131
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I totally know where you're coming from with the guilt - I tried for 9 weeks to BF my son after a rocky start in his first few days of life. I ended up pumping the entire time and feeding him that - but was to the point where I wanted to run over that darn pump with my car!!! I had bruised, sore, and chaffed nipples from pumping every 3-4 hrs for 9 WEEKS STRAIGHT - So I switched to formula. Do I still struggle some days with feeling guilty - yes - but I know that a happy, healthy, SANE mama is better for him than any breastmilk will ever be

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Old 05-12-2012, 06:40 PM   #132
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

ps: i think what we need to ask ourselves also is WHY we feel guilty... is it because we truly feel that our LO is missing out on something by not getting BM or is it because everyone else is telling us that we MUST BF our children... for me, the guilt was because it was literally drilled into my head prenatally that "breastmilk is best" so I therefore thought that anything else was somehow not "best" for my child. Now, looking back, I so know this to be not true!!! What was best for my LO was a mommy who is now focused on HIM and not my boobs!!!
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Old 05-14-2012, 11:23 AM   #133
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Originally Posted by katybrunkard
ps: i think what we need to ask ourselves also is WHY we feel guilty... is it because we truly feel that our LO is missing out on something by not getting BM or is it because everyone else is telling us that we MUST BF our children... for me, the guilt was because it was literally drilled into my head prenatally that "breastmilk is best" so I therefore thought that anything else was somehow not "best" for my child. Now, looking back, I so know this to be not true!!! What was best for my LO was a mommy who is now focused on HIM and not my boobs!!!
Well said! I think this is why I still feel guilty too, even though I had a low supply and ended up ff with my first baby too. He's 3 now and healthy as a horse! For me, some of it has to do with the financial worry too, since formula is so darn expensive!

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Old 05-15-2012, 07:12 PM   #134
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

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Well said! I think this is why I still feel guilty too, even though I had a low supply and ended up ff with my first baby too. He's 3 now and healthy as a horse! For me, some of it has to do with the financial worry too, since formula is so darn expensive!

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I get that too. It's hard sometimes knowing you're spending what seems like a gazillion dollars on formula. But just think of how much you're saving by doing cloth diapers Makes up the difference in my opinion (hehe)

We have to stop being so hard on ourselves. Easier said than done I know - but geez - everytime I look at my babes face all I can think of now is "wow - he really could care LESS where his food is coming from...he just loves me no matter what!!"
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Old 05-15-2012, 11:26 PM   #135
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I definitely felt guilty at first when I couldn't BF my older girls. I was convinced that breastmilk was the best thing on earth and that formula was poison. Then my DD1 was born and I didn't produce milk for her and she was hospitalized at 6 days old because she was so dehydrated and had lost so much weight. I felt guilty for doing that to her, but at the same time I felt guilty for giving her formula even though it is what she needed to survive. I experienced the same feelings with DD2 and then I had DS1 and tried everything under the sun to produce any milk I could (which was VERY little). I then realized that I was not destined to be a BFing mama no matter what I did and while it took some time, I eventually got over it. I do occasionally feel some sadness about it, I'm not going to lie. But it has nothing to do with me thinking I am doing my kids wrong by feeding them formula.

I've now watched my FF children grow up and blossom into the intelligent Kindergartner whose classmates and teacher adore her, the funny and out-going pre-Kindergartner who makes everyone laugh at the drop of a hat, the gentle giant pre-schooler who loves to take care of his baby brothers, the loveable toddler who once was a little preemie but grew thanks to formula, and the smiling/cooing infant who loves to giggle at his siblings. Let me tell you, when your LOs get to be 5-6 years old, nobody knows how you fed them and nobody cares. I cannot look at the students in either one of my DDs' classes and know who was BF'd and who was FF'd. Each child has grown and developed into their own person regardless of how they were fed as an infant. All that really mattered was that they were well cared for and loved, which allowed them to grow and develop in the first place. That is the most important thing!
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Old 05-16-2012, 01:37 PM   #136
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Yes, I know exactly how you feel. I've had low milk supply with all 3 of my LOs. My first baby hated nursing and had trouble latching on, so that made things a LOT worse. After a month of pumping, taking herbs and trying to increase my supply, I "gave up." Now, I will say this...things were a lot less stressful once I made the choice to stop trying. When BFing doesn't come naturally and you have to WORK at it, I think it really increases your PP blues/depression. It did for me. Of course, I am a perfectionist and hated that I couldn't do something that was supposed to be the "natural" thing to do. Anyway, I tried with my 2nd and after 1 week, her weight had dropped too low (just like my first baby) and I made the choice to stop right away because I had a 14-mo-old to take care of in addition to my newborn. After 2 months, I felt so guilty, I decided to go back to my Lact. Consultant and try all the stuff to increase/re-establish my supply. Nothing worked, but I admit, I did feel better about at least trying. (And baby did really well using the SNS. Surprisingly after 2 months of bottle-feeding, she switched to nursing right away like a pro!) When my 3rd LO came (this past January), he was my best nurser yet. Still had the low milk supply, so I started herbs and using SNS pretty much right away (before we even left the hospital). I was able to obtain a script for Domperidone and in conjunction with the herbs and LOTS of nursing (no pumping though), I established a full supply...for about 2 weeks. His week started plateauing and then decreasing a bit, so I had to "up" his formula we were supplementing. Just last week is when I finally stopped. (My goal was to bf 6 weeks. We made it to 3 mo!) He just didn't want to fool with nursing anymore because the bottle was so much easier. I know I could have worked at getting him to start nursing again, but with a 3-yr-old and an almost-2-yr-old...whew, I feel like I met my goal. Would I have liked to EBF? Oh you bet. Am I glad I tried again? Yep. Do I still feel guilty? A lot less than I used to. The guilt eventually does go away. Remember, there is SO much more to being a mom than BFing. If that weren't true, adopted babies (with moms that chose not to induce lactation) would be helplessly lost. I choose not to believe that junk that says we damage our children's lives if we don't BF. I'm a Christian, so I believe God is the ultimate provider for our children's needs...whether milk comes from Mama or not. We live in a fallen world where things don't always happen as they should...let's choose joy in the midst of our struggles with guilt. Don't beat yourself up. You love your child. Try your best to forget about what you can't do, and focus on what you can do. Blessings!
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Old 05-16-2012, 01:44 PM   #137
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I did. OH did I feel guilty. Still do sometimes. I nursed my first until she was 2.5. Nursed my second til he was 14 mos and my milk dried up (bc I was pg with my third... still have twinge guilt over that too!), and this one had to start supplementing by the time she was 6 months. Was leaving an emotionally and otherwise abusive relationship while I was pregnant, so my stress levels were always through the roof, I was never in an environment that was conducive to a healthy nursing relationship; I had to work full time as a server in a high volume restaurant (no time/no place to pump), I went to school full time. Add in stress from a combative and smothering (not soon enough x)h, I just couldn't do it. I still nurse her every now and then, but it's never for nourishment, because there's never enough. It breaks my heart and I feel like I've done wrong by her. I'm trying to change my perspective, realize the reality of my situation was no where near bf friendly. I really did my best, at one point I was drinking like a gallon and a half of water and taking over 20 supplements a day. I'm trying to add this to my list of experiences with which I might be able to help support someone else's nursing relationship with their baby in the future...
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Old 05-29-2012, 04:46 PM   #138
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

Please do not feel guilty. There are so many factors that are out of our control and the guilt is not good for you or your baby.
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Old 05-30-2012, 05:32 AM   #139
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

So nce to read so many stories of women who feel the same way i do!!
I have often felt guilty... Even though I bf my DD for 6 months, because she always had to be supplemented with formula, and because sooo many of my momma friends are still bfing st 18 months. I physically could not continue beyond 6months. But I often have felt embarrassed Bec I'm the only one in the group with a bottle ... And these are my (very kind) friends!
ITA with the ladies who are asking us to consider why we feel the guilt. For me, there was so much pressure...it felt like a huge failure.
I've now come to peace with it mostly, bc I'm a great mom, and there is a lot more to it than what I feed(fed) my baby...
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Old 05-31-2012, 03:24 PM   #140
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Re: Anybody ever feel guilty about not BF?

I didnt feel guilty but sometimes conversations were awkward bc my other mom friends assumed I was. Then after finding out I wasn't it would always lead to why...supply? Latch? Nope, just chose not to..
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