ADHD, Aspergers... a dilemma

[ralenth]

So, my 10 1/2 year old has Aspergers, ADHD, and anxiety. He's doing well, though we have our ups and downs. I also have an 8 year old (almost 9). I was telling my older son that we need to talk to, and tell the younger one about the aspergers, and he was really reluctant. It seems to me that he sees his diagnoses as something that's personal and not something anyone should know about I am trying to stress to him that is not something to be ashamed of, but something that is just a part of who he is. Anyways. He finally says you can tell him about the aspergers, but NOT about the ADHD. Then he tells me that it's because they were talking at the lunch table "last year" and someone said that G has ADHD (and it must have been in a very negative way... my son and "G" don't get along at all, and are as different as night and day). I don't know what, if anything to do about this. I know that boys can be boys, and I am sure that's what the conversation was about, but it bothers me that its given him such a negative view on something that he can't change about himself.

(and the reason to have the conversation in the first place, my younger son bears the brunt of my older son's bad behaviors, and quite often just doesn't understand. He's getting old enough that I feel he should know, and like I said, I don't feel like any of it is something to be ashamed of. It's just part of who he is, if that makes sense).

[mibarra]

I would try and explain that his brother loves him, but it can be hard for little bro when big bro is acting out as a result of these things (ADHD, Aspergers, Anxiety). Explaining diagnoses to little bro will help him understand where some of the things that happen come from.

[BeedieWeedieB]

I would be honest with him about it, maybe find some books to help out. I can help with books recs later when not on my phone. My oldest is 8 1/2 with aspergers and anxiety and mood disorder and his you get brother is 6 1/2. Both have known about the older being an aspie for the last 3 years. We brought up the topic with our oldest about a year post Dx, right before he started kindie because we had a book to explain it to his classmates, he has always been full mainstream other than therapy time. So younger bro just knew the terminology and understood more as he got older too. Doesn't always make things easy, brothers will have issues and it's a lot to ask a second born to have to act as oldest at times too. We will support him as he grows as well with those feelings. He also knows we don't let our oldest use any of it as an excuse. We as parents can look at behaviors and know if they are beyond control and try to help him learn at least some control but I never let my oldest say such and such is because I have aspergers. I think that helps our younger guy. Now our 3yr old DD has no clue yet.
Does your oldest have a therapist who could help broach the subject?