Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-31-2012, 08:29 PM   #71
twinpossible's Avatar
twinpossible
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: in a pile of laundry!
Posts: 1,987
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by RunawayBunny View Post
It didnt work on my phone, but the description sounds sweet!

I need to vent before I do something I will regret. I quit working two years ago and we immediately moved across the country. One of the women I worked with facebooked me so we would "keep in touch", but we never comment each others posts (i think she did congratulate and then condolences for the MC). Today she tags me (and about 20 other people) on her ultrasound pic as a way to announce her pregnancy (her first). I have now gotten 15 emails congratulating her even though I have untagged myself (and more are coming). I cant figure out how to unsubscribe on my phone. I know she was just excited and had no idea how hurtful this would be to someone who recently miscarried. I cant imagine even the pre-M/C-me would be so callous though. I need someone to tell me not to write an email to her. I need to just let it go and hide her from my newsfeed. When will things like this stop bothering me?

ETA: thanks for letting me rant. And dont get me wrong, i am happy for her. She will make a great mom. I am just sad for me.
BOO on her, BOO!!!!! You should never ever ever do that to a woman who just m/c! I guess I am not the person who should respond but I am going to put my 2cents in anyway. I would send her a short message saying you are happy for her but please do not tag you in any pregnancy related photos or comments during this difficult time. Or unfriend her. Sorry, told ya I am a little snarky and protective of my emotions. That would have made me loose it! So so sorry mama.
Maybe someone else will chime in?

Advertisement

__________________
A crunchy wife to B and momma of identical twin girls G & E , our rainbow
baby C born at home April 2013 and R forever in my heart.
twinpossible is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2012, 08:39 PM   #72
jaqie19's Avatar
jaqie19
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Midwest...farm life
Posts: 358
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

Meg- That was pretty insensitive of her, especially if she knew about your m/c. Maybe she is FB challenged like me and didn't realize that you would get an e-mail every time someone commented??? Give her the benefit of the doubt?? This is a good place to get all your frustrations out. Vent away!!!

The only people who know about my m/c are my husband and his parents. (They watched the kids when we went to the ER...sort of had to tell them.) I have thought about telling a few of my friends. I have three pretty close friends; One of them just had a brother commit suicide, one is 39 weeks pregnant and one is have infertility troubles. So, even though I think part of the healing process is sharing the story of your loss with someone...I think this group may have to suffice.
__________________
Jackie- PT WOHM, Wife to a farmer, Mom to a busy 5 y/o guy and a lil lady 1/11.
jaqie19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-31-2012, 11:09 PM   #73
~Roses~'s Avatar
~Roses~
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 341
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

I would like to be added:

Screen Name / Real name: ~Roses~/Rose
m/c date(s) at __ along: 2/02 @ 10w5d, 6/02 @ 6w4d, 3/12 @ 9w3d
TCC after m/c starting: June or July

re: telling people
I go back and forth. With my first m/c, we had already told everyone within a few days of finding out I was pregnant. The second m/c, we had only told my mother and sister. After the fact, we told both of our families. My most recent m/c, we told my mother, sister, and a few of our friends who saw me on an almost daily basis and would notice that something was up with me (I "show" really quickly and I also had morning/24 hour sickness). After we found out the baby had no heartbeat, we told the rest of our family. When we TTC in June or July (still deciding), we will just tell everyone, I think. At least, family and friends. Not sure about "facebook public." I won't hide it, but I won't announce it until after 12 weeks.

It really sucks that we all have to think about stuff like this. The innocence and excitement is totally gone. Completely. When someone says "congratulations" to me before we know if the baby will make it or not, I just want to scream, "No! No congratulations, because we don't know if this will be heartbreaking or happy." I know that's sort of irrational and mean, but I want to tell them to hold on the congratulations and recognize that the first 12 weeks are not a happy time for us, but terrifying and stressful.
__________________

Last edited by ~Roses~; 05-31-2012 at 11:17 PM.
~Roses~ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2012, 08:42 AM   #74
twinpossible's Avatar
twinpossible
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: in a pile of laundry!
Posts: 1,987
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

~Roses~: A sad welcome. I am so sorry you have had so many losses after our m/c I cannot imagine going through that again and hope I never will. I know what you are saying about people offering congratulations but since I have only m/c in my past I am still optimistic about getting pregnant. I hope that when you get your next BFP the baby makes it and you can enjoy your pregnancy.
__________________
A crunchy wife to B and momma of identical twin girls G & E , our rainbow
baby C born at home April 2013 and R forever in my heart.
twinpossible is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-01-2012, 11:52 AM   #75
lilbitcrunchy's Avatar
lilbitcrunchy
Registered Users
Formerly: lovnbabygabi
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 10,924
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymama1 View Post
thanks Anya! Those feelings are so raw with emotion when you see another pregnant woman as far along as you "should" be ....with my last m/c, one of my close friends was due within a few days of me. It was really hard. This time around, we didn't tell very many people about the baby we lost in April...but that same friend (who didn't know i had just m/c'd) was going on and on about how in HER opinion, I certainly wouldn't be getting pregnant anytime soon because of how busy I have been with my job (she resents me now that I'm working and have less time for her ) and I just wanted to smack her. I know that she had no idea...but still, it was such a rude thing to say. Grrr...why can't people just leave women and their fertility status alone!!

On a different note, a new puppy sound fantastic....if we didn't have dog allergies, I would be seriously considering a cute little pup right now! We are planning a little visit to my cousin and her 3 cuties in June, so it will be nice to get a change of scenery. In the end, I'm happy to delay TTC for a cycle or two in order to have good timing for my brother's wedding...I just have baby fever, so it won't be easy. I'm trying to think of the things I'll be able to do in the meantime: start exercising more regularly, maybe loose a few pounds, drink wine here and there....
What a tough spot to be in! When DH all of sudden changed his mind about ttc it about killed me. Just when you're trying to piece your emotions back together and move on and something stops you dead in your tracks. Hopefully the month will fly by and you get your sticky bfp super fast.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cristy_1996 View Post
Ugh, I will be 6 weeks tomorrow now and I am picking apart all of my symptoms or lack thereof. My boobs hurt and around 4 I feel just really tired and "blah" for the remainder of the day. But not like my last two pregnancies which produced two healthy baby boys, you know?

Gah, now I am just so nervous for my appointment on Monday. They are doing an ultrasound and I am so nervous I have another blighted ovum. :-(
GL with your appointment Let us know how it goes. I definitely am not looking forward to that part of pregnancy. I usually don't feel much of anything until at least 6 weeks.


Quote:
Originally Posted by itsajoi View Post
Can I just say again that I'm grateful for this thread? I haven't posted a ton, but mostly I just check in and read what everyone else is saying and nod in agreement. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

I actually took a pregnancy test yesterday just because my cycle is so hard to understand and I was feeling really nauseous. That's always a good gut check on how I really feel about getting pregnant, and I think I was mostly scared of it being positive. I don't know if I'm supposed to wait for that to go away to TTC again or not. I want another baby...another child...a few more even. But I really do not want to be pregnant again just for the fear of losing another baby. Just the thought of being pregnant sounds...not fun. I guess that's where I'm a little weird. I don't necessarily envy the pregnant women I see because it just brings up feelings of fear. This all sounds so dramatic and emotional. I sometimes feel like I'm blowing things out of proportion, kwim?
I don't think it will ever go away honestly. And you don't sound dramatic! I too don't really envy other preggo mamas. It's just not how I process it in my head but I totally understand why someone would feel that way. Especially as your former due date nears..oy

Quote:
Originally Posted by RunawayBunny View Post
It didnt work on my phone, but the description sounds sweet!

I need to vent before I do something I will regret. I quit working two years ago and we immediately moved across the country. One of the women I worked with facebooked me so we would "keep in touch", but we never comment each others posts (i think she did congratulate and then condolences for the MC). Today she tags me (and about 20 other people) on her ultrasound pic as a way to announce her pregnancy (her first). I have now gotten 15 emails congratulating her even though I have untagged myself (and more are coming). I cant figure out how to unsubscribe on my phone. I know she was just excited and had no idea how hurtful this would be to someone who recently miscarried. I cant imagine even the pre-M/C-me would be so callous though. I need someone to tell me not to write an email to her. I need to just let it go and hide her from my newsfeed. When will things like this stop bothering me?

ETA: thanks for letting me rant. And dont get me wrong, i am happy for her. She will make a great mom. I am just sad for me.
Aww hugs! If I were her I would have told you separately from the list especially since she knew about your loss. Maybe she didn't want you to feel excluded when everyone else hears about it and you're in the dark? IDK, I'm so sorry.



Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Roses~ View Post
I would like to be added:

Screen Name / Real name: ~Roses~/Rose
m/c date(s) at __ along: 2/02 @ 10w5d, 6/02 @ 6w4d, 3/12 @ 9w3d
TCC after m/c starting: June or July

re: telling people
I go back and forth. With my first m/c, we had already told everyone within a few days of finding out I was pregnant. The second m/c, we had only told my mother and sister. After the fact, we told both of our families. My most recent m/c, we told my mother, sister, and a few of our friends who saw me on an almost daily basis and would notice that something was up with me (I "show" really quickly and I also had morning/24 hour sickness). After we found out the baby had no heartbeat, we told the rest of our family. When we TTC in June or July (still deciding), we will just tell everyone, I think. At least, family and friends. Not sure about "facebook public." I won't hide it, but I won't announce it until after 12 weeks.

It really sucks that we all have to think about stuff like this. The innocence and excitement is totally gone. Completely. When someone says "congratulations" to me before we know if the baby will make it or not, I just want to scream, "No! No congratulations, because we don't know if this will be heartbreaking or happy." I know that's sort of irrational and mean, but I want to tell them to hold on the congratulations and recognize that the first 12 weeks are not a happy time for us, but terrifying and stressful.
Welcome
__________________
Heather
SAHM to Gabriela 10.12.07 & Liliana 4.19.10 & Elijah 3.21.2013
lilbitcrunchy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2012, 08:29 AM   #76
twinpossible's Avatar
twinpossible
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: in a pile of laundry!
Posts: 1,987
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

Anyone testing this week? I still have another week in our 2ww, I think I might have had the O sometime this week but who knows after a m/c! I think I might wait for an extra few days after our 2 weeks are up...
__________________
A crunchy wife to B and momma of identical twin girls G & E , our rainbow
baby C born at home April 2013 and R forever in my heart.
twinpossible is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2012, 07:31 PM   #77
RunawayBunny's Avatar
RunawayBunny
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,186
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinpossible

BOO on her, BOO!!!!! You should never ever ever do that to a woman who just m/c! I guess I am not the person who should respond but I am going to put my 2cents in anyway. I would send her a short message saying you are happy for her but please do not tag you in any pregnancy related photos or comments during this difficult time. Or unfriend her. Sorry, told ya I am a little snarky and protective of my emotions. That would have made me loose it! So so sorry mama.
Maybe someone else will chime in?


Quote:
Originally Posted by jaqie19
Meg- That was pretty insensitive of her, especially if she knew about your m/c. Maybe she is FB challenged like me and didn't realize that you would get an e-mail every time someone commented??? Give her the benefit of the doubt?? This is a good place to get all your frustrations out. Vent away!!!
Thanks, ladies (and Heather - couldnt get my phone to quote and edit out your reply). I made dh take my phone away and then we all went to bed. When I woke up the next morning I felt a lot better. Still havent decided what I will do...

Quote:
Originally Posted by twinpossible
Anyone testing this week? I still have another week in our 2ww, I think I might have had the O sometime this week but who knows after a m/c! I think I might wait for an extra few days after our 2 weeks are up...
I tested yesterday and today. Both stark white. That puts me 10-13 dpo. I am done testing for this cycle - I just dont have a good feeling and want to move on.

I cant find where you all were talking about the loss of innocence regarding BFPs. I wanted to say something inspirational, but all I've got is "ugh". I cant imagine that part will ever get better.

Welcome to the new folks. I think I missed a few of you. I wish you short stays.
RunawayBunny is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-02-2012, 09:35 PM   #78
itsajoi's Avatar
itsajoi
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: United States
Posts: 846
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by cristy_1996 View Post
Ugh, I will be 6 weeks tomorrow now and I am picking apart all of my symptoms or lack thereof. My boobs hurt and around 4 I feel just really tired and "blah" for the remainder of the day. But not like my last two pregnancies which produced two healthy baby boys, you know?

Gah, now I am just so nervous for my appointment on Monday. They are doing an ultrasound and I am so nervous I have another blighted ovum. :-(
I'll be thinking of you on Monday.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilbitcrunchy
I don't think it will ever go away honestly. And you don't sound dramatic! I too don't really envy other preggo mamas. It's just not how I process it in my head but I totally understand why someone would feel that way. Especially as your former due date nears..oy
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. It's a funny thing...feeling fearful of pregnancy and also dealing with thoughts of "how far along I would be if...".

Quote:
Originally Posted by twinpossible
Anyone testing this week? I still have another week in our 2ww, I think I might have had the O sometime this week but who knows after a m/c! I think I might wait for an extra few days after our 2 weeks are up...itsajoi: I think after a m/c we are all a little scared to be pregnant. I personally LOVED being pregnant and enjoyed every minute until we found out about poor angel baby. Those fears are something to be acknowledged. Remember the gift of a child is worth it in the end and if you feel like you are really uninterested in bearing another child but you want more kids you can always foster or adopt. My hubby and I are foster parents
Ugh I'm with you on cycles being a little out of whack. Alright, a lot out of whack in my case. It's frustrating, isn't it?! I'm pretty confident I haven't even O'd yet. Thanks for the comfort and reassurance. I think I will feel even more happy to be pregnant whenever it does happen again even though there will be a definite element of fear, too. I would really LOVE to foster...even now. But DH isn't quite sure. He's interested about adoption but a little afraid of foster care. I also think he'd like to wait until the "right" time, which of course will never come around. I try to bring it up once in a while but not pressure him. We'll see.

Well I took a step and ordered some pregnancy tests. I also got some fertilitea just because my cycle(s?) has been c.r.a.z.y. since the m/c. I'm pretty confident I haven't O'd and am still spotting almost every day to some degree. Really irritating. I'm sure I had a complete m/c so I"m not sure what the spotting is about.
__________________
Jena, wife of 5 years to my awesome military hubby , SAHM to my little guy, J, who is already 2 and some change! Missing our angel baby (4/12)

Last edited by itsajoi; 06-02-2012 at 09:36 PM.
itsajoi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2012, 10:25 AM   #79
twinpossible's Avatar
twinpossible
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: in a pile of laundry!
Posts: 1,987
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by itsajoi View Post
Ugh I'm with you on cycles being a little out of whack. Alright, a lot out of whack in my case. It's frustrating, isn't it?! I'm pretty confident I haven't even O'd yet. Thanks for the comfort and reassurance. I think I will feel even more happy to be pregnant whenever it does happen again even though there will be a definite element of fear, too. I would really LOVE to foster...even now. But DH isn't quite sure. He's interested about adoption but a little afraid of foster care. I also think he'd like to wait until the "right" time, which of course will never come around. I try to bring it up once in a while but not pressure him. We'll see.

Well I took a step and ordered some pregnancy tests. I also got some fertilitea just because my cycle(s?) has been c.r.a.z.y. since the m/c. I'm pretty confident I haven't O'd and am still spotting almost every day to some degree. Really irritating. I'm sure I had a complete m/c so I"m not sure what the spotting is about.
We became foster parents when it was taking forever to get preggo, I think it was around the 4 year mark. Now that our girls are home we are a "safe house", that's when a baby is given up at the hospital or firehouse etc. and there has not been a family picked to adopt the baby yet. We temporarily take the baby in until they find a forever family. I have it on hold right now since I am baby crazy and might try to keep the baby

Are you really really sure your m/c was complete? I thought mine was and then 2 weeks later I hemoraged and was rushed to the ER for emergency surgery. During those 2 weeks I was still spotting, after the surgery the spotting stopped in 2 days. Knowing what I know now I would have taken a home pregnancy test 48 hours after the m/c to make sure my HCG levels were below 15. It's an easy way to see if you still have something stuck to your uterus. Please watch everything and be careful, I would hate for someone to have the same experience that I did.
__________________
A crunchy wife to B and momma of identical twin girls G & E , our rainbow
baby C born at home April 2013 and R forever in my heart.
twinpossible is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 06-03-2012, 12:45 PM   #80
Koli Ava
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,692
My Mood:
Re: TTC After Loss Thread

Screen Name / Real name: Koli Ava / Trinity
m/c date(s) at__ along: May 30th 2012 at 6 1/2 weeks
TCC after m/c starting: First Cycle


Hello, I'm joining in.

I started bleeding this past Wednesday evening and lost our baby early Friday morning. This has been especially hard for my DH and I because it took us over 4 years to conceive this baby.

But we are going to start trying again right away.

I look forward to chatting with you ladies. : )
Koli Ava is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.