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Old 06-03-2012, 05:58 PM   #11
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

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Thank-you for the responses! He said he did not bring his doubts up earlier because I would've flown back to my own family (who would've loved and accepted him unconditionally, cared mostly that we are healthy and happy). Now it is too late for me to make the twenty plus hour flight back.
Still it was very unfair for him to wait so long to voice his 'valid concerns' and now he is calling me selfish because I don't want him to attend the birth. And calling me selfish for considering having baby closer to my family and support system in the first place. His words mean nothing given that today is DD and his family have rejected baby and I already. Its just me, my big belly and my cat.
When I do get the test results I hope they feel like the pathetic grandparents they are. I won't tell them when I go into labor and won't allow them to see baby till after the results are in. Till then I plan on treating them how I feel baby and I have been, mostly ignored.
I'm just grateful that I hired a doula to assist me thru labor and delivery because I'm going to need all my strength to birth my little girl. I need to be surrounded by Light and Love at this time, baby and I deserve better than this and I'm going to protect her whatever it takes. I want to bring her into the world unmedicated and can only do this if I feel grounded and empowered. I won't allow him to take this from her.

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Old 06-03-2012, 06:04 PM   #12
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

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While I agree to just do the test, I think is is absolutely inappropriate that he waited until NOW to bring this up! How about when you got pregnant? How about AFTER the birth? But, no, 1 day before your DD. Totally insane. I would be so upset and hurt too, mama. Now was not the time.
I personally wouldn't want him at the birth, either. If you're going natural it would probably just make it progress really slowly if you aren't on good terms with eachother.
Have you thought about hiring a doula?
agree

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Originally Posted by mslulubellekiwi View Post
Thank-you for the responses! He said he did not bring his doubts up earlier because I would've flown back to my own family (who would've loved and accepted him unconditionally, cared mostly that we are healthy and happy). Now it is too late for me to make the twenty plus hour flight back.
Still it was very unfair for him to wait so long to voice his 'valid concerns' and now he is calling me selfish because I don't want him to attend the birth. And calling me selfish for considering having baby closer to my family and support system in the first place. His words mean nothing given that today is DD and his family have rejected baby and I already. Its just me, my big belly and my cat.
When I do get the test results I hope they feel like the pathetic grandparents they are. I won't tell them when I go into labor and won't allow them to see baby till after the results are in. Till then I plan on treating them how I feel baby and I have been, mostly ignored.
I'm just grateful that I hired a doula to assist me thru labor and delivery because I'm going to need all my strength to birth my little girl. I need to be surrounded by Light and Love at this time, baby and I deserve better than this and I'm going to protect her whatever it takes. I want to bring her into the world unmedicated and can only do this if I feel grounded and empowered. I won't allow him to take this from her.
so sorry you are being treated like this. as soon as the baby was born. i'd be on a flight to family....and i wouldn't put his name on the birth cert!
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:06 PM   #13
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

id do it....but probably wouldnt want him around for the delivery or afterwards, no matter what the results what a douche canoe im in GA ill come kick him for you
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:22 PM   #14
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Although once you do get paternity... You can't take the baby away from him. If he finds out you might intend to go home, he can court order you to stay. So perhaps think of all this...?? Idk. Just happened to my friend. She is now unable to leave the state. so said.
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:27 PM   #15
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

I agree, get the test done. But, before that, I think you need to have a real heart to heart with your SO. Do the results matter? Is it just a matter of knowing? Or, is it a matter of, if baby is not his biological child, he's out? While I would also be incredibly hurt, I am sure he is feeling poorly as well. Sure, his timing sucks, but hate to say it, lots of men, just don't get it, not an excuse, just a matter of fact.
If you find out that he just wants to know, then he needs to tell his parents that the two of you are taking all the appropriate steps to know your child's genetics, more for the child's health history than who made her. And either way, he plans to be daddy. Now is the time for him to take care of that conversation. Because, a biological connection doesn't make you a Daddy!


I wish you the best! With your SO and the birth of your first baby!!
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:29 PM   #16
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

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Although once you do get paternity... You can't take the baby away from him. If he finds out you might intend to go home, he can court order you to stay. So perhaps think of all this...?? Idk. Just happened to my friend. She is now unable to leave the state. so said.
ooh, good point!!
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Old 06-03-2012, 06:54 PM   #17
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

If you want him involved, do the test. If you'd rather move back home to your family, then don't do the test and just go home.
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Old 06-03-2012, 08:04 PM   #18
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So sorry.......however agree w PP, this may be a blessing in disguise. He and his family sound like bad news, bring your little girl into the world and go home to ppl who will love and support unconditionally. If u do the test you'll have to stay! Sounds like there are alot of red flags.
Good luck!
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Old 06-03-2012, 08:24 PM   #19
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

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Although once you do get paternity... You can't take the baby away from him. If he finds out you might intend to go home, he can court order you to stay. So perhaps think of all this...?? Idk. Just happened to my friend. She is now unable to leave the state. so said.
I did not even think about this.

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If you want him involved, do the test. If you'd rather move back home to your family, then don't do the test and just go home.
Totally agree with this.
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Old 06-03-2012, 09:48 PM   #20
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

He certainly doesn't sound like father material. I agree with PP, don't put his name on the BC, and as soon as you are able go home. It sounds like you have a wonderful support system. He is showing you his true colors and giving you an our (although I doubt he realizes it).
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