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Old 06-04-2012, 03:33 AM   #21
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I'd prolly skip the test and move back home after baby is born. You could do the test and nothing changes-you still don't get support from either him or his family. It's a risk you take. I personally would want to be where I know I am loved and supported no matter what.

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Old 06-04-2012, 06:10 AM   #22
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I caution you on taking the test and putting him the birth certificate. He can make it difficult for you to leave the country with her, even if there is no geographical restriction on the custody paper work. I realize it varies state to state but when it comes to exiting the country with a child it's generally all the same.

I'm sure you can do the test from your home country. I would go through birth and delivery, then leave home immediately. When you arrive in Australia then call him to discuss the testing. Once you're there he can't do anything about it.

You really need to decide if you'd be okay being "stuck" in the U.S. with no support system because that's what could happen in the event that you DO the testing prior to leaving.

Personally, I'd lay low and leave as soon as I could comfortably walk! My family would probably fly in and drag my butt back if I didn't. His behavior is completely unacceptable and wrong. He could have handled it much better and threatening you with assault charges? That's pathetic!

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Old 06-04-2012, 06:29 AM   #23
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

So sorry I agree with others but it's a lot to decide... your baby's future. You shouldn't have all this on you right now

Something to consider is to do the test AFTER you get home if you really do want to go back...

I hope you are able to focus on yourself and your little one through the birth. Glad you'll have someone there for you! If you don't want him there, make sure you let the hospital staff know when you are admitted. Their concern is you and (at least at my hospital) they will make sure that if you blacklist people, they aren't allowed into L&D.
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Old 06-04-2012, 06:44 AM   #24
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by hugstrees View Post
I caution you on taking the test and putting him the birth certificate. He can make it difficult for you to leave the country with her, even if there is no geographical restriction on the custody paper work. I realize it varies state to state but when it comes to exiting the country with a child it's generally all the same.

I'm sure you can do the test from your home country. I would go through birth and delivery, then leave home immediately. When you arrive in Australia then call him to discuss the testing. Once you're there he can't do anything about it.

You really need to decide if you'd be okay being "stuck" in the U.S. with no support system because that's what could happen in the event that you DO the testing prior to leaving.

Personally, I'd lay low and leave as soon as I could comfortably walk! My family would probably fly in and drag my butt back if I didn't. His behavior is completely unacceptable and wrong. He could have handled it much better and threatening you with assault charges? That's pathetic!

I absolutely agree with all of this!

I'm so sorry that he has waited until now to do this, regardless of his reasoning. If he had these concerns he should have shared them with you in a respectful, mature manner, not have been confiding in his family all this time.

Please remember that pregnancy and birth is not the only time that you and baby will need to be surrounded by love and support, being a new mommy is a blissful, yet potentially stressful and difficult time. You both need and deserve to have all the love, support and extra hands possible over the next couple of years, and even if he is the father, if he and his family are not willing to do that for you, you need to be home where you are loved.
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Old 06-04-2012, 07:17 AM   #25
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

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Originally Posted by hohaas View Post
I'd prolly skip the test and move back home after baby is born. You could do the test and nothing changes-you still don't get support from either him or his family. It's a risk you take. I personally would want to be where I know I am loved and supported no matter what.
This is exactly what I think!!!
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Old 06-04-2012, 07:19 AM   #26
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Get home, then address the train wreck.
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Old 06-04-2012, 07:19 AM   #27
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So he admitted he basically trapped/tricked you into staying in the states? I would have her and hop on a plane home ASAP but if you choose that it's going to be messy the next couple of weeks. Does he have keys to your apt?
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Old 06-04-2012, 10:21 AM   #28
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This was something I had to carefully consider before moving to Texas pregnant. Do NOT take the test, don't give the baby his name, and don't put him on the birth certificate. You need to fly home asap, before he can get a court order to force you to stay in the country with her.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. I wish I could reach through my phone and hug you (and slap the jgjsinchai out of that guy). You sound so strong though! Your baby girl is so lucky to have you.

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Old 06-04-2012, 10:38 AM   #29
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I don't really agree that not taking the test, running away, and dealing with the nes later is best. I know what he did sucks, his family isn't acting expected, etc., but this is something you can't hide from. Acting hastily could be a really bad move. Do you want him in your child's life? What does he really want to solve with this paternity test? What kind of relationship do you want your child to have with her father?

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Old 06-04-2012, 10:38 AM   #30
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Re: Help:upset and need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by hugstrees View Post
I caution you on taking the test and putting him the birth certificate. He can make it difficult for you to leave the country with her, even if there is no geographical restriction on the custody paper work. I realize it varies state to state but when it comes to exiting the country with a child it's generally all the same.

I'm sure you can do the test from your home country. I would go through birth and delivery, then leave home immediately. When you arrive in Australia then call him to discuss the testing. Once you're there he can't do anything about it.

You really need to decide if you'd be okay being "stuck" in the U.S. with no support system because that's what could happen in the event that you DO the testing prior to leaving.

Personally, I'd lay low and leave as soon as I could comfortably walk! My family would probably fly in and drag my butt back if I didn't. His behavior is completely unacceptable and wrong. He could have handled it much better and threatening you with assault charges? That's pathetic!

I agree with this ^
Put you and your baby first!
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