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Old 06-18-2012, 09:09 PM   #1
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New kind of struggle.

I am not sure where this goes but I don't really know the appropriate outlet for this kind of vent. Bear with me....

This time 3 years ago my (now ex) husband and I were trucking along trying to get pregnant. I was avidly posting in the ATTS threads (are they even called that anymore?) and testing, testing, testing! I was actually seeing an RE because I have PCOS and was still nursing. In fact, I was trying to wean my 2.5 year old this time 3 years ago because I needed to be on Clomid.

So much has happened. In August 2009 I got my beloved BFP and some couple of months after that, I realized my marriage was over.

I left my (now ex) husband when Athena was still a newborn and our divorce was officially finalized in December 2011.

No part of me wants *him* back and I'm actually doing pretty well on my own. I finished college this year - Bachelors in Psychology - and am running a pretty successful home daycare business out of my home in an effort to pay the bills and be home with my daughters full time (while continuing to nurse Athena full time). I live in a single family home with a garage and huge backyard and have ample space for us to live happily. My (now ex) husband isn't doing so well, his irresponsibility is sure catching up to him. But he sees our daughters when he can and he's even had some overnights with them starting this year.


But there is this dull ache that is growing and growing and growing. Athena turned 2 in April and the baby fever is coming on strong. There is no one in my life right now. There isn't time, really. This won't necessarily stop me from having another baby in the long run but I am pretty sure having a loving partner to help raise all those kids would be helpful. I am patient. I won't have just anyone around my daughters and so my standards are pretty high as far as character, responsibility and dependability go.

We'll see what the future holds and in the meantime I give extra snuggles and neck kisses to my 4 month old special needs daycare baby to help dull the ache.

Thanks for reading.

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Old 06-18-2012, 09:21 PM   #2
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Sounds like you are pretty balanced about it, even if it's hard. I knew I wanted more kids when I was a single mom. I wanted them with the right partner. I got lucky with dh. Maybe it will work that way for you too.

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Old 06-18-2012, 09:26 PM   #3
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Re: New kind of struggle.

You're in a really good place. Keep working on being the woman that the man of your dreams would want.
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