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Old 06-22-2012, 02:04 PM   #1
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Help with whining & temper tantrums!

I need advice!

My son is 21 months & whines a ton! And now he started throwing tantrums. Like when I pick him up to change his diaper he licks his legs and tries swing at me at times. It is completely unacceptable and I have tried time outs. (even a mid diaper change time out that ended with a puddle of pee on the floor!) his tantrums are making me crazy! And his whining drives my hubby nuts! He wants to get into everything despite me giving him things that I am using to play with (like kitchen utensils). I have him help me with things (he seems to like that) & try to not take things out of his hands (which makes me immediately flip out). It is so draining & frustrating though when I tell him No & he completely understands, makes eye contact with me and the does what I told him not to do! Argh!!! Makes me want to scream & tear my hair out!!!!

Suggestions? Books to read to help come up with ideas?

Thanks!!!

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Old 06-22-2012, 02:19 PM   #2
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Re: Help with whining & temper tantrums!

Tried spanking? If time outs wont work, maybe you need to get his attention.
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Old 06-22-2012, 02:26 PM   #3
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Re: Help with whining & temper tantrums!

I've read a couple of articles that say that kids at that age don't fully grasp the meaning of words like "don't". So, when you say "don't kick" all they understand is "kick".


Show him and tell him what you want him to do instead. "Be still" and "Hold your feet" were what we taught DS for diaper changes, and it worked well for us. Also, lots and lots of positive reinforcement when he does listen to you!
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Old 06-22-2012, 02:40 PM   #4
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Re: Help with whining & temper tantrums!

One of the things that I'm trying to keep in mind from my psych education-kids can't read our minds. We have to tell them what we want them to do, not what we don't want them to do.

Example: "Use walking feet" instead of "don't run". And show them what it looks like too.

For whining, yelling, screaming, etc. I say "I would love to listen to you when you talk to me like a big girl" or "I don't like to be screamed at. I will listen when you are ready to talk to me in a kind voice."

When I want her to do something she refuses to do, I just tell her we'll do X when she listens. In certain instances I have her sit in time out until she is ready to do X or to think about what she did.

It really gets exhausting at times. Teaching, reteaching, redirecting, repeating. But eventually they do get it. I refuse to spank so this is what makes sense to me.
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Old 06-22-2012, 02:52 PM   #5
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That's good info already given. Just be very consistent in whatever you choose.

My DD (almost 21months) does a lot of this. Diaper changes, when she starts kicking and screaming, I look away. She gets no attention and usually stops.

Also, I'm very consistent with when and how I tell her 'no'.

I don't think timeouts work as a punishment. I think they're good for when a child is caught up in a situation and needs a chance to calm down. So, maybe good for actual tantrums. Also I think they're generally a horrible use for things like not cooperating with diaper changes or not wanting to go upstairs (a common one here). Because, like you said, then he won and didn't get his diaper changed and you got a mess to clean up. If I give her a timeout for throwing herself on the floor when I want her to go upstairs with me, well, then she gets to stay downstairs for awhile.... which is what she wanted anyways.

But that's just my opinion.

ETA: I try to redirect with making things that she wants. For instance, if I want her to go upstairs (to get a diaper change), I tell her we have to go upstairs to put on our shoes to go outside. Then, when she inevitably starts screaming at the diaper change, I hand her one of her shoes. Of course, if I tell her this, we always go outside, I don't want her to think I'd lie to her. If I just need to do a diaper change, but can't actually make her happy about it with reasons like the park, I start chewing on her toes or whatever. We have this game where I pretend to smell her feet and say 'stinky feet!' while crinkling my nose and pushing her foot away. She thinks it's hilarious. It takes her mind off her resistance, I grab a toy to give her (I keep a stash that's pretty much only for diaper changes) and do the change.
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Old 06-22-2012, 03:32 PM   #6
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Re: Help with whining & temper tantrums!

My DD loves time out. She says "Yaaay Time out Chair time!" and happily skips over to the corner. So yeah, time outs do not work here.
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