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Old 06-26-2012, 02:46 PM   #71
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

I will pray for you and your husband.

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We are leaving our family up to God...in our hearts but on the surface, we have doubts. Our current baby is 6 months old and super super attached, as in, he doesn't sleep longer than 30 minutes unless he is latched on night and day. I'm scared to have another baby like him! We totally adore him to pieces but he really makes me doubt my ability to become a mother again. Backstory...he's a reversal baby! He kept coming to me in dreams for 3 years and finally DH dreamt about him. The next day, he scheduled his
reversal! I recently became saved....Dh is not though he considers himself a very progressive christian(as did I, until I realized my "progressiv" beliefs brought me progressively to a life and person full of pain and strife). Our marriage needs God and I'm working on my end towards this and praying DH (super stubborn man he is) finds Christ through my example or otherwise.

Anyway, how do you remain open after a high needs baby (even if our marriage got better)?

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Old 06-26-2012, 03:53 PM   #72
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Old 06-26-2012, 05:36 PM   #73
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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I will pray for you and your husband.
Thank you!
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Old 06-26-2012, 08:33 PM   #74
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Originally Posted by Kindermama View Post
We are leaving our family up to God...in our hearts but on the surface, we have doubts. Our current baby is 6 months old and super super attached, as in, he doesn't sleep longer than 30 minutes unless he is latched on night and day. I'm scared to have another baby like him!

Anyway, how do you remain open after a high needs baby (even if our marriage got better)?
Well, I would say (and I'm sure you know this already) that this is a season of life and God meets you where you are day by day, sometimes hour by hour. You will get just enough strength to tackle the next thing in front of you. Chances are you will not have another baby just like him. What if it were a special needs child? Would you say the same? Maybe I would too.. I have a friend who deliberately adopted a special needs child from a foreign country in addition to her other 3 small children and one on the way. Talk about faith! They felt called by God and answered that call.

Every child that God chooses to place in your family, He has also chosen you to be his mother for a purpose. Not just for that child, but for you. To sanctify you according to His perfect will and plan. I really do think it comes down to faith.

Have you addressed possible physical issues for his "neediness"? I have heard of many families who discovered later it was a sensory issue or reflux or dairy sensitivity (to your diet if bfing or to formula).
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:20 AM   #75
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kindermama
We are leaving our family up to God...in our hearts but on the surface, we have doubts. Our current baby is 6 months old and super super attached, as in, he doesn't sleep longer than 30 minutes unless he is latched on night and day. I'm scared to have another baby like him! We totally adore him to pieces but he really makes me doubt my ability to become a mother again. Backstory...he's a reversal baby! He kept coming to me in dreams for 3 years and finally DH dreamt about him. The next day, he scheduled his
reversal! I recently became saved....Dh is not though he considers himself a very progressive christian(as did I, until I realized my "progressive" beliefs brought me progressively to a life and person full of pain and strife). Our marriage needs God and I'm working on my end towards this and praying DH (super stubborn man he is) finds the real Christ through my example or otherwise.

Anyway, how do you remain open after a high needs baby (even if our marriage got better)?
I only have two children, but dd2 (3 months) is so different personality wise from dd1 (27 months). Dd1 is on the go all the time and slept like yours until she was about a year old. Dd2 is a great sleeper so far. They're different in other ways too so you can't know how all your children will be based off of your first. First children are hard imo because of learning how to be a parent. Second time around is a little easier because you've already been there before.
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Old 06-27-2012, 07:37 AM   #76
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Every child that God chooses to place in your family, He has also chosen you to be his mother for a purpose. Not just for that child, but for you. To sanctify you according to His perfect will and plan. I really do think it comes down to faith.

Have you addressed possible physical issues for his "neediness"? I have heard of many families who discovered later it was a sensory issue or reflux or dairy sensitivity (to your diet if bfing or to formula).
That was a very touching and humbling response, thank you! It brought tears to my eyes. My first post was not as thoroughly written as it could have been because I was using my IPad. I had more to say but regardless, you definitely spoke to where I needed it most! We were prepared for special needs and would have welcomed him regardless. I guess I just question whether or not I'm fit to become a mother again after him. I feel like I've failed somehow. Every time I turn around, I hear of another baby who sleeps 6-7, sometimes 11, hours straight at his age. I have to lay down with him for all his naps and so I'm not present for my other kids and we had to hire a mother's helper. It's also frustrating to survive on little sleep. I have to constantly remind myself that God has provided for me so that I can cater to his high needs and just leave it at that! He loves his mama!

We have addressed his needs with his pediatrician and she thinks it probably was an issue with his super fast birth and my emotional state in his first month (I was pretty much in shock and it quickly escalated to PPD which has since gone away). Now we're just stuck in this "negative" sleep association...though DH thinks it's a wonderful association!
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Old 06-27-2012, 08:22 AM   #77
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Sleep will happen just be patient and give it time. DD2 didn't really sleep unless it was on me for the first six months. She just recently started sleeping though the night and she just had her first birthday. She is a very happy baby and a very good eater. The doctor says she is perfect. I hope you can get some sleep soon. Baby's sleep pattern has nothing to do with your parenting skills.
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Old 06-27-2012, 09:13 AM   #78
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

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Originally Posted by Kindermama View Post
That was a very touching and humbling response, thank you! It brought tears to my eyes. My first post was not as thoroughly written as it could have been because I was using my IPad. I had more to say but regardless, you definitely spoke to where I needed it most! We were prepared for special needs and would have welcomed him regardless. I guess I just question whether or not I'm fit to become a mother again after him. I feel like I've failed somehow. Every time I turn around, I hear of another baby who sleeps 6-7, sometimes 11, hours straight at his age.
I agree, a great reminder to me that God gives our little ones the mama they need, and vice versa!

I totally understand that you feel overwhelmed and possibly inadequate, but I want you to know how incredibly NORMAL it is to feel that way, and that your are not inadequate (though it certainly takes the Lord's help and strength! We can't do it on our own). It's so hard not to compare ourselves and our children to others, but I think if you can, it will lift a lot of the burden you feel. Every family is different, and all you have to do is follow your heart and the ways the Lord leads you personally. You don't have to live up to any unrealistic picture our culture paints of motherhood, or what the family down the street is doing. They probably don't have it together nearly as well as you think they do, and it's a depressing trap to believe that everyone else does. I am a counselor and one of the biggest things I learned in my training that helped me personally was the knowledge that in the space between your expectations of yourself and what you are realistically able to do lies anxiety and depression. Often we need more realistic expectations. Or occasionally if we're not doing our best we might need to change some behaviors so we can meet our goals if they are realistic and important (but you don't have to meet another mother's goal if it's not that important to you). I heard some advice about mothering recently: If you resent it, change it. Obviously, there are some things we don't have control over, like special needs. But if something is not working for you and your family, why not try something different? (If it is working, then don't worry about it!) I used to have to nurse my LO through his entire naps (or thought I had to). It was contributing to my PPD and I felt trapped on the couch and hated the chores piling up. It felt like I had no other option, but I finally tried some other things and it has gotten much better. It is empowering to feel some semblance of control to solve a dilemma. And day by day God is answering my prayer that I will become the kind of mother I long to be and that he wants me to be (it's a process, a sanctifying one, like fishmom said). It's much better than when I was just focusing on all the things I "should" be and wasn't, and feeling hopeless that I would ever get there. That hope has made all the difference!
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Old 06-27-2012, 09:29 AM   #79
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

My first baby slept through the night every night from day one. He never cried. He was the perfect baby! 14 months later I gave birth to his brother (my 2nd baby). This 2nd baby cried all day all night all the time from day 1 (literally it started the minute he was born)! He was very high needs. Never satisfied. He is four years old now and is still this way in a lot of ways. He does not like to give hugs or kisses. He has never climbed up in our bed at night. He cries a lot still. He has me do everything for him from dress him to wipe his bottom (he has been potty trained for two years, my 2 yr old wipes his own bottom).

I have not had another child like him since and we have 4 boys total so far. All children are different.

I have to add that my sons difficulties/personality are inherited. My husband was the exact same way when he was a boy (the man sucked a bottle till he was 8 yrs old!! And is still pretty helpless without me ). They even look identical! LOL

So I understand what your going through. It will pass. Keep the faith. Don't give up. It is nothing you did. It is just a part of God's plan. I know that God used my 2nd baby to grow me into the mother that I am today.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Kindermama View Post
We are leaving our family up to God...in our hearts but on the surface, we have doubts. Our current baby is 6 months old and super super attached, as in, he doesn't sleep longer than 30 minutes unless he is latched on night and day. I'm scared to have another baby like him! We totally adore him to pieces but he really makes me doubt my ability to become a mother again. Backstory...he's a reversal baby! He kept coming to me in dreams for 3 years and finally DH dreamt about him. The next day, he scheduled his
reversal! I recently became saved....Dh is not though he considers himself a very progressive christian(as did I, until I realized my "progressive" beliefs brought me progressively to a life and person full of pain and strife). Our marriage needs God and I'm working on my end towards this and praying DH (super stubborn man he is) finds the real Christ through my example or otherwise.

Anyway, how do you remain open after a high needs baby (even if our marriage got better)?
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Old 06-27-2012, 02:34 PM   #80
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Re: Anyone else leave their childbearing up to God?

Hi Christina! My name is Kaylee! Nice to meet you! We leave our family size up to God. This has been a recent decision, but we have been SO incredibly blessed from it. I never realized that all my reasons for wanting to use any form of birth control were either from fear or selfishness. Ouch. We have experienced such incredible joy in relinquishing control of this! Nice to meet you!
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