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Old 06-28-2012, 09:05 AM   #31
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Re: Really Interesting Article

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Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
I also had my 3 yr old put away some clean laundry today! And ironically, I didn't even have to teach her step by step where it went, despite never having done it before. She already knew.

Clearly I am underestimating my kid.
My two year old puts away his clean diapers in his diaper drawer and takes his clean clothes to his room. They can do a lot more than we think. He also unloads the bottom drawer of the dishwasher and puts all the dishes away that he can reach the cabinets for. He can also get his own snack and throw away the leftovers and put his plate in the sink.

The problem at my house isn't my 2-year-old's ability to do things.... It's my INABILITY to let go of the invariable mess that will occur as a result of letting him do things and also my inability to deal with the delay that comes with allowing him to do it and get distracted and mess up and have to redo it, etc...

So, I could be letting my 2 year old do all the things he is capable of, and I probably SHOULD be letting him do them-- like, allowing him to water the plants (mostly I do allow this), pick the vegetables when they are ripe, take out the recycling, carry his own school box to the car, clean up after playing with his toys, feed the dogs (with help) and the aforementioned other chores. The hangup is not him, it is me and my obsession with getting things done quickly so that I can move onto the next thing. Perhaps I need to let go of the need to make sure he gets plenty of time to "play" and the need for a clean house, and embrace the need to teach him responsibility NOW so that I don't have to fight about it later? Food for thought... thanks for sharing the article, OP.

ETA... by the way, I think any chore is a meaningful one. You don't have to milk cows. If it has to be done to make the house run smoothly then it's meaningful. That includes sweeping, mopping, dusting, setting the table, helping wash veggies, cooking, stirring food, separating laundry, loading laundry, putting laundry away, cleaning up after oneself, brushing your own teeth, washing your own hands, putting dirty clothes in the clothes bin, taking out trash, feeding dogs, watering plants, mowing the lawn, virtually everything we do every day in order to survive and maintain a home--they are all meaningful.

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Old 06-28-2012, 09:19 AM   #32
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Re: Really Interesting Article

Interesting read. I Like all the comments. I think we do underestimate our kids. Also I think we are so busy that we don't have time to let them do things themselves since it takes longer and is messier. But they should also have to clean up their mess too. Like in the article. If the son didn't put the lid on right and a bear got in it, he should have had to clean the mess and then he'd be more careful next time.
Even with elimination communication, we think babies can't learn where to pee and poop. We think they are incapable of knowing the feeling that they need to go, yet in most of the world babies are toilet trained before 1. However it takes time to take them to the potty regularly.
Maybe the overall problem is we parents don't have time. We're always in a rush.
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Old 06-28-2012, 09:45 AM   #33
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Re: Really Interesting Article

chandi, I think you're right.

it's time. Shoot.. I feel like I don't ever have enough time with my kiddo

I remember babysitting a 3yo who 'needed' me to feed her. I fed her some breakfast cereal, but it felt just wrong. Then at lunch time, I pretty much told her that she would be feeding herself. She used the spoon just fine!

a few days later her mom reported on Facebook that her daughter had finally consented to feeding herself.

turns out, the kid wasn't going to volunteer because she didn't want to, but as most of us know, a 3yo is fully capable of using a spoon. My 21month old can... although it's a HUGE mess because she's still learning
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Old 06-28-2012, 09:53 AM   #34
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Re: Really Interesting Article

I totally agree with the time/control/ease factor. I think that absolutely plays into it. I have had that problem more than once as well. I *know* my 3 yr old can help unload groceries from the car and have her do it regularly, but the "something shiney!" distraction factor frustrates me and I end up just shuttling her into the house to finish it myself. It's so frustrating to be trying to get her to haul the next bag in and she wants to point out every single bird and plane and dog she spots.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:04 AM   #35
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Re: Really Interesting Article

I totally agree with everyone's comments! Thanks OP for posting. Time is a huge factor. Most parents don't want to take the extra time b/c they don't have it. Parent's are to blame for their kids actions typically. You have to start when they are still young. It's hard b/c they are so cute, but it needs done or you could end up with a "monster", imo.
A lot of people think I'm nuts (including my mom, aunt, grandma...) for raising my DS this way already. My DS will be a year old next week and he can use a kid sized fork. He was starting to throw a fit b/c he wanted to eat off mine so I gave him his kid sized one and a kid sized plate and showed him how to do it two times and left it up to him. Now he wants a fork and does it on his own. It gets messy and he dumps the plate at times but he also knows that if he dumps it more than once, I take it. Everyone raves about how well behaved he is in church and at outings. B/c he knows tantrums are not acceptable and I won't give in to them. When he throws one, he gets put in his crib until he stops crying. Now when he starts, as soon as I walk toward the crib he stops and immediately acts more acceptable. He gets a light smack on the butt for not letting me change his diaper. He gets his hair pulled when he pulls mine. He gets his mouth smacked (lightly but firm) or bitten back when he bites. Guess what? Minimal biting, hair pulling and smacking now. Children are smarter than most parents let them be.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:55 AM   #36
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Re: Really Interesting Article

I have to say that my parents set a great example for me with my kids. I remember standing on a box so that I could reach the sink to wash the dishes. Every night my brother and sister and I split the chores- one washed the dishes, one dried and put them away, and one of us washed the floor. Most of the time we also cooked dinner! And we could cut the lawn with the tractor way before we were old enough to drive. I think my dad thought it was funny that his preteens could cut the grass with a 6 foot-wide tractor deck, lol.
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