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Old 07-03-2012, 12:18 PM   #21
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Let me start off by saying, my family has worked with african refugees since 2000. We invited them to live in our home, they worked in my fathers company, we go to church together, we welcome new children and attend weddings together. When I move, I look for a new African community to involve myself in.

Let me also say, I have been in a CPS situation in my life. So I know what neglect really is.

The things you are talking about are very cultural. The carseat thing.... There are Americans who think this is all ok... Why would they know any different? I would say that they don't look for parenting advice on the internet? Wouldn't that seem redonculous to cultures who are family oriented... So I would assume it would be lack of knowledge about the law.

I don't know if the guy who was rude to you was the same person or not, (sounds to melikw an old neighbor?)but the African culture is more than male dominated... We had to teach the men that they are no longer allowed to "cane" their wives... So if you decide to say something... Talk to the wife only or get your husband to talk to the husband.

I would probably befriend the family... Even if the male is not someone you would want to be friends with... Maybe the woman would like to have company and your children could play together.

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Old 07-03-2012, 12:25 PM   #22
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Re: Opinions please abuse or different parenting?

Could be cultural to some degree...but if the parents have been here for 15 years, I would imagine that some of these things would have become obvious to them that they're not following the "norm". If all of the kids were born in the US, were carseats not brought up to them at least at the hospital? By the school? Lack of proper winter attire...it would pretty obvious when dropping your kid off at school that his coat is considerably thinner & worn compared to those of the other children....plus wouldn't he be whining that he's cold (goodness knows my kids would be if they were cold ) I don't know...while I can see cultural differences possibly playing into it to some degree, I would also say there is a concerning lack of supervision and neglect going on as well. I'm definitely not the "call DHS/CPS" for everything type...but I think in this case I personally would call...if anything, it will be brought to the parents attention that the kids need more supervision, need adequate clothing/shoes, and that there are laws in place about carseats & helmets....let the system decide from there if there is anything more concerning.

That said...just because they have a big house & cleaning person doesn't mean they necessarily have money. They could be being provided for them by somebody, they could be ridiculously house poor and just place a priority on having somebody come in to help clean (and heck, they could be bartering for that or it could be a gift), etc. The coat thing by itself doesn't really bother me either...my kids don't wear anything heavier than a thin fleece pullover/jacket in the winter (granted, we're not 30 below here in southern Illinois, but it still gets pretty cold), and they're all sweating like crazy in those. They each *maybe* own two long sleeved shirts. They're just incredibly warm-blooded. I know some of the parents at their school have expressed concern and even have talked about them/us behind my back (my sister walked up on them chatting about it outside pre-k pickup and nobody realized who she was), but their teachers & even the principal were told ahead of time & understand the reasoning. They have gloves & hats available, and we have heavier coats at home that they CAN wear if they want...but I'm not going to give my kid heatstroke in a big puffy coat just so other parents can feel better about them either, kwim?
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:31 PM   #23
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Re: Opinions please abuse or different parenting?

I would maybe call about the carseats (or anon leave a flyer about the laws on their windshield?) but I prob wouldn't even do that . As far as the cold...I see that you said how cold it is where you are, but I also know some people do NOT feel the cold as much as others. Like my 2 yr old sleeps naked in the winter (and we keep the heat on 50!) and in the summer (with my AC cranked), my brother REGULARLY went out in the snow in boxers only, etc.
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Old 07-03-2012, 12:36 PM   #24
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Re: Opinions please abuse or different parenting?

When did breaking the law(s) and neglecting children become acceptable under "cultural differences" If they have been here 15 years they have no excuse for not knowing the law!

Consider your answer this way. If the family was American would you call?
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Old 07-03-2012, 02:45 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes
When did breaking the law(s) and neglecting children become acceptable under "cultural differences" If they have been here 15 years they have no excuse for not knowing the law!

Consider your answer this way. If the family was American would you call?
Agree!
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Old 07-03-2012, 02:49 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes
When did breaking the law(s) and neglecting children become acceptable under "cultural differences" If they have been here 15 years they have no excuse for not knowing the law!

Consider your answer this way. If the family was American would you call?
People have different definitions of neglect. Without actually talking to the family, it's hard to tell if CPS should be involved... When I contemplate calling CPS, nationality is not an issue.. What is... Should this family have their children taken away? I was living in govt housing, my mom never had a job, there were drugs around, she came home drunk, we didn't have a clean bathtub or clothes, we were being starved. There was a time my aunt came over and found my 17 month old sister. She had gotten out of her crib and was sitting in the pantry floor eating cereal off of it...

That is neglect... This situation... Doesn't seem to warrant CPS.
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Old 07-03-2012, 06:47 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by MarchMama2010

I think that situation was with prior neighbors, correct?
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Yes the situation I described was with a past Neighbour.

I guess I didn't think of children's services as only for those who should lose custody of thier kids but for those who may need some help.
Maybe I'm wrong. I have no personal experience with them other than family members fostering.
My impression was that thier goal is to aid families and help them stay together.

I guess I have just had my heart in my throat many times watching them play around post holes being dug. Heavy machinery moving dirt.
Almost getting hit by cars.
I know at one point last summer someone from the builder called the police because they were playing in a construction area.

When it comes down to it. I am concerned for thier safety. But I guess I have to remember they are not mine to keep safe.
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Old 07-03-2012, 07:09 PM   #28
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I think some people are too quick with CPS. If they are doing things that are against the law, then it could conceivably be a police matter, but if I were you, I'd mind my own business just like he advised. He probably knows you're out to start trouble for his family and wants to keep you far away, as I would. I wouldn't give you the time of day if you started judging my parenting and nosing around my home.
Just wanted to respond to this.
I am certainly not out to start trouble for anyone.
The situation was with a previous Neighbour.
I only know what I do because I volunteered in the little boys class and saw him day after day sad with no snack eating whatever the teacher happened to have in her desk.

Trying to do up his coat with the broken zipper when it is well below freezing outside( think when they open extra shelter beds because homeless people are freezing to death!)
knowing that he has to walk to and from school in it.
Also that I was a Hangout for probably 6 months.

I know I make choices with my kids that people may not agree with ( co sleeping, extended breastfeeding, even extended rearfacing)
I would be upset if someone called Cps on me.
I'm not s#*! Disturber just concerned.
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Old 07-03-2012, 09:58 PM   #29
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Re: Opinions please abuse or different parenting?

No neglect, but I think if there is a way for you to get some fliers about helmets and car seats to them that would ease your conscience. Put them in an envelope and put them in the mail and no one will ever know it was you! You could even put a not so subtle note in with them!

The part that is cultural is they don't have our north american obsession with safety and our child centred society.
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:08 PM   #30
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Re: Opinions please abuse or different parenting?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes View Post
When did breaking the law(s) and neglecting children become acceptable under "cultural differences" If they have been here 15 years they have no excuse for not knowing the law!

Consider your answer this way. If the family was American would you call?
Agreed. Helmets wouldn't concern me. The coat thing is still probably not DCS worthy. But no carseats and lack of supervision is DCS worthy. Right now they are not taking kids away in my county at all. They are bending over backwards to provide resources (childcare, housing assistance, food bank assistance, family counseling, parenting classes, etc.) to keep families together.
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