What no one tells you about a miscarriage - graphic

[jacquelinemarie82]

Thank you all for sharing. My friend and I were just discussing how taboo miscarriage is in our society. Very little is shared. Ladies have no clue until it happens to them and then it is frowned on to even mention it. It's like it never happened no matter how far along the woman was or how she feels about it.

[twinpossible]

jacquelinemarie82: SO true. After we announced our m/c to our friends and family many came forward to tell me that they also suffered a loss...we NEVER knew?! How odd. Some of them just brushed it off. A couple friends even said, "Well some women don't even know they are pregnant at 12 weeks", "Your kids would have been really close in age, it's for the best.", "Honestly, I am not surprised." This process reminded me how cruel people can be in a sad situation. Often people do not know what to do or say around death whether it be a m/c or another type of death. Other people were very supportive and brought us dinners, watched our girls or just let me talk about it or stay silent. My hope is that more of us share so women know it is okay to talk about this, why would you want to feel all of these feelings alone?

[~Roses~]

My first miscarriage was sort of like that, contractions and all. Looking back, I should have gone to the hospital, but it ended up being a complete miscarriage on its own. After that one, I had two D&Cs, the most recent being in March. I don't know what I would decide again if I miscarry again, natural or D&C.

It is like we have to create our own network of information, to get the information that no one else will tell us. Sad that it has to be this way. It is NOT just a heavy period. It is devastating.

[carriek38]

Thank you everybody. I'm going through my first mc & this thread has been so helpful. I appreciate everybody's openness & willingness to share about a such a difficult thing. It helped me avoid a d&c...just when I thought I couldn't stand the bleeding anymore (2.5wks), the heavy bleeding & pain kicked in. Just when I thought I couldn't stand that anymore, I found out my hcg went from 1184, where it had been hovering for nearly a month & they were fearing ectopic, to 271 in 4 days. Thank you, thank you. I'm not back to normal yet, but I really do feel like the worst is behind me.

[myblessedbaby]

Just adding the thread where I wrote about my D & C experience for anyone thinking of going that route. For me it was the right choice this time. I was 11 weeks.

[jamiejo]

It's been a month since this thread was updated....I've been staying away from DS purposely since I lost my bean... Too hard.

My loss was not as traumatic physically as many listed here. Altho the emotional trauma none can fully describe.

It started on a Tuesday. We were travelling, from DH's parents to my parents on vacation. When we got there that night, I had some slight, brown spotting and a bit of cramping. Called my MW, since she was 5 hours away she just said if I start bleeding bright red to go to the ER. Next day I was still spotting, but it was very slight. Throught and was told it was probably an SCH. Tried to take it easy, the spotting stopped and I was tired. Thought it was indeed an SCH and my prego symptoms were finally kicking in. According to my early sono I was 7 weeks the day i started spotting. By Friday, we were still at my parents, and Friday was crampy altho I didn't admit it. We'd gone to the small zoo, and I thought it was just from walking.

Saturday. It's still hard....
Saturday we were packing up to come home. Dh had everything loaded in the van, all the way down to the puppys kennel, bowl and food. We were saying goodbyes and I went to the bathroom to discover bright red blood. It had just started, and I put on a pad and DH hauled a$* to the ER. we didnt even leave shoes behind for our 2yo. The ER got us in quickly, ran blood work, pulled urine with a foley and did a sono. Then we had to wait. The tech had a poker face like none other and said nothing. We waited another hour and a half or so in the ER before the doc confirmed what I knew in my heart. They could not find the heartbeat. We stayed at my folks one more night. I was still bleeding, was never offered a D&C but dont think I'd have taken it. Cramped all night, all the next day Sunday I cramped and bled. Never heavily, just like a bad period. Monday dawns. DH went to work, but came home in an hour. Said he needed to be here, I needed him too. As the day went on the cramps got harder and more rhythmic. I was in labor. I went to pick up my son from school, DH and DD were asleep. I spent the day rocking in my chair, reading any story i could find of what to expect, and they were few. About 4 Dh was asking me to help make a pie crust... Told him it would have to wait. I locked myself in the bathroom and sat on the toilet. i was pushing. I ran a bath and got in. In a few minutes I passed the sack and the placental tissue in one shot. I was bleeding quite a lot, but it slowed a lot and the cramps stopped almost instantly when I passed the baby. My baby. The sack was the size of a golf ball and my tiny little baby looked so perfect and peaceful tucked inside. Still floating. The placental tissue scared me as I expected it to look like something other than mangled tissue. I held my baby and sobbed. Then I wrapped the remains in tissue and placed it in a mason jar until I could decide what to do with it. Dh was so helpful. It was kindof peaceful the way it happened.... I did uterine massage until I didnt gush anything when i pushed hard to make sure things stayed put. And nursed my 2yo. finally got the MW to talk to me the next day, after 3 or 4 calls and a receptionist I wanted to punch. She didnt do any exam or labs of any kind which puzzled me. Didnt even shake my hand or put her hand on my shoulder. On the 45 minute drive home from her office with 2 kids screaming at me I was tempted, truly tempted to drive my mini-van off the cliff we were driving up. I felt like the worst mother on the planet. I couldnt keep my baby safe inside me. My body failed me and I didnt have snacks in the car so they wouldnt stop screaming.... We made it home. The next day was miserable, and that evening I began cramping again and passed some more tissue, but that was the end. Physically that was the end. I blogged a lot during the process, and took my grief out on our overgrown landscape. I dug up rock walls and re-built them. Trimmed bushes and trees that hadnt been touched in years and took some cactus to task. We planted a tree. It was very sweet. i am healing. God has carried me through, but this experience has shaken me to the very core of my being. I miss my baby....Every day i calculate how many weeks I would be. Today would be 19+1.
I've had to AF's since, the first one was h311. It brought everything back. This last one was not as bad, but here I am ovulating again with mixed emotions. We are TTA but I can't figure out why....but I need more time to heal. Most days I do very well, I'm functioning again, I think I'm able to mother my children better now because of this loss. I'm so thankful to my DH. But it was so hard to be here where we have no true friends and so far from family. I felt utterly alone.

Physically, altho the cramping and bleeding was 4+ days, and then another week, it wasn't that bad. Passing the baby was peaceful and somewhat healing. My emotional state has been another story.

[keen1981]

Originally Posted by jamiejo It's been a month since this thread was updated....I've been staying away from DS purposely since I lost my bean... Too hard. My loss was not as traumatic physically as many listed here. Altho the emotional trauma none can fully describe. It started on a Tuesday. We were travelling, from DH's parents to my parents on vacation. When we got there that night, I had some slight, brown spotting and a bit of cramping. Called my MW, since she was 5 hours away she just said if I start bleeding bright red to go to the ER. Next day I was still spotting, but it was very slight. Throught and was told it was probably an SCH. Tried to take it easy, the spotting stopped and I was tired. Thought it was indeed an SCH and my prego symptoms were finally kicking in. According to my early sono I was 7 weeks the day i started spotting. By Friday, we were still at my parents, and Friday was crampy altho I didn't admit it. We'd gone to the small zoo, and I thought it was just from walking. Saturday. It's still hard.... Saturday we were packing up to come home. Dh had everything loaded in the van, all the way down to the puppys kennel, bowl and food. We were saying goodbyes and I went to the bathroom to discover bright red blood. It had just started, and I put on a pad and DH hauled a$* to the ER. we didnt even leave shoes behind for our 2yo. The ER got us in quickly, ran blood work, pulled urine with a foley and did a sono. Then we had to wait. The tech had a poker face like none other and said nothing. We waited another hour and a half or so in the ER before the doc confirmed what I knew in my heart. They could not find the heartbeat. We stayed at my folks one more night. I was still bleeding, was never offered a D&C but dont think I'd have taken it. Cramped all night, all the next day Sunday I cramped and bled. Never heavily, just like a bad period. Monday dawns. DH went to work, but came home in an hour. Said he needed to be here, I needed him too. As the day went on the cramps got harder and more rhythmic. I was in labor. I went to pick up my son from school, DH and DD were asleep. I spent the day rocking in my chair, reading any story i could find of what to expect, and they were few. About 4 Dh was asking me to help make a pie crust... Told him it would have to wait. I locked myself in the bathroom and sat on the toilet. i was pushing. I ran a bath and got in. In a few minutes I passed the sack and the placental tissue in one shot. I was bleeding quite a lot, but it slowed a lot and the cramps stopped almost instantly when I passed the baby. My baby. The sack was the size of a golf ball and my tiny little baby looked so perfect and peaceful tucked inside. Still floating. The placental tissue scared me as I expected it to look like something other than mangled tissue. I held my baby and sobbed. Then I wrapped the remains in tissue and placed it in a mason jar until I could decide what to do with it. Dh was so helpful. It was kindof peaceful the way it happened.... I did uterine massage until I didnt gush anything when i pushed hard to make sure things stayed put. And nursed my 2yo. finally got the MW to talk to me the next day, after 3 or 4 calls and a receptionist I wanted to punch. She didnt do any exam or labs of any kind which puzzled me. Didnt even shake my hand or put her hand on my shoulder. On the 45 minute drive home from her office with 2 kids screaming at me I was tempted, truly tempted to drive my mini-van off the cliff we were driving up. I felt like the worst mother on the planet. I couldnt keep my baby safe inside me. My body failed me and I didnt have snacks in the car so they wouldnt stop screaming.... We made it home. The next day was miserable, and that evening I began cramping again and passed some more tissue, but that was the end. Physically that was the end. I blogged a lot during the process, and took my grief out on our overgrown landscape. I dug up rock walls and re-built them. Trimmed bushes and trees that hadnt been touched in years and took some cactus to task. We planted a tree. It was very sweet. i am healing. God has carried me through, but this experience has shaken me to the very core of my being. I miss my baby....Every day i calculate how many weeks I would be. Today would be 19+1. I've had to AF's since, the first one was h311. It brought everything back. This last one was not as bad, but here I am ovulating again with mixed emotions. We are TTA but I can't figure out why....but I need more time to heal. Most days I do very well, I'm functioning again, I think I'm able to mother my children better now because of this loss. I'm so thankful to my DH. But it was so hard to be here where we have no true friends and so far from family. I felt utterly alone. Physically, altho the cramping and bleeding was 4+ days, and then another week, it wasn't that bad. Passing the baby was peaceful and somewhat healing. My emotional state has been another story.

I'm do sorry mama. I buried my 10 week lost baby under my favorite tree. Gosh, I think of him every single time I am out there. I put a heavy rock over him. It's still there. It's very healing in a way to pass the baby naturally. Still took me a long long time not to cry constantly. But I am so glad I had that opportunity to 'hold' him

[twinpossible]

jamiejo: I am SO sorry mama, as I read your post I became teary because it reminded me so much of my emotions around our loss. I started a group in the TTC forum called "TTC after Loss", all the women are amazing and will support you. I know you said you are TTA but maybe lurking for a while will give you some peace to start trying again. I wish I could say it gets easier but I still cry over the loss of baby River. I hope one day we will meet again.

[jamiejo]

Originally Posted by keen1981 I'm do sorry mama. I buried my 10 week lost baby under my favorite tree. Gosh, I think of him every single time I am out there. I put a heavy rock over him. It's still there. It's very healing in a way to pass the baby naturally. Still took me a long long time not to cry constantly. But I am so glad I had that opportunity to 'hold' him

I think of my LO everytime I'm near my tree as well. It died which really sucks, and then the dog ate half of it... I had planted it in a planter as this is not a permanent home for us. So next year I'll put flowers in the planter. I thought about being upset that my tree died, but it is afterall a tree. I have the memory, and got to say goodbye. I am so utterly beyond glad I got to hold my tiny man, I will always cherish that.

Originally Posted by twinpossible jamiejo: I am SO sorry mama, as I read your post I became teary because it reminded me so much of my emotions around our loss. I started a group in the TTC forum called "TTC after Loss", all the women are amazing and will support you. I know you said you are TTA but maybe lurking for a while will give you some peace to start trying again. I wish I could say it gets easier but I still cry over the loss of baby River. I hope one day we will meet again.

I've known of your group for a while. Another from our nov12 DDG made sure I knew about it.
I don't really know where we are..... we werent trying when we got pregnant. In fact I thought we were done. Now I don't feel done even a little, but I have no idea when or if we'll try, or wait for another surprise. I dont have the best track record for charting
Thankyou for the support, and the invite. Today has been hard on me for some reason. I'm not even sure exactly why. Just one of those days I guess. I feel another blog post coming, it helps me process, and actually helps others. A close friend just had a loss about 3 weeks ago.... her grief reminds me so much of my own, that is not gone nor forgotten. It is lessened... but there are times I am still raw.
Knowing I am not alone helps. But why is it that we think that after a month, or two, or three that we shouldnt talk about it? that it should go away? Thats why this thread caught my eye. There is MUCH more about miscarriage that no one really tells you. Which is part of why i've been blogging, it should be this way.

[rachaeljohnson]

amen...i had a d&c with my first but she missed the baby and i went into labor 3 days later and passed a very recognizable little person and placenta after LABOR...and definite CONTRACTIONS not cramps...it was HORRIFYING. Big giant hugs...why they don't tell you how bad it can be i don't know...sigh.