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Old 07-07-2012, 10:38 PM   #11
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My DD hated my sister's house and my grandma's house.

I think smells could have something to do with it. Also energy. My sister has 4 kids with tons of energy who were so excited to see the baby. We would get a few feet into the house and she'd be inconsolable screaming bloody murder.

At my grandma's we had to keep taking her outdoors to calm her down.

There's no telling. But I would just honor baby's wishes for now. Chances are good she'll grow out of it soon enough.

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Old 07-07-2012, 10:39 PM   #12
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Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

That might be common for that age. Last summer our baby was around that age and we hosted exchange students from China. She would scream and seemed terrified by them and many of the other Chinese students when they'd visit. I'm wondering if it was a combination of their different looks, smells, and the way they talked differently because she was fine with everyone else. She grew out of it and doesn't have a problem with it now.
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Old 07-07-2012, 11:53 PM   #13
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When my youngest was smaller he would go nuts screaming if my dad even looked at him. We went so far to try to keep in another room or facing the other way if we visited. It REALLY hurt my dad's feelings. We finally figured out it was the facial hair and the glasses. He shaved and took his glasses off when we came over and ds crawled all over him. Now he is one of ds's favorite people.
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Old 07-07-2012, 11:54 PM   #14
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Also when my older ds was younger, my little brother dyed his hair bright pink for a show. Ds screamed and balled till he was red in the face.
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Old 07-08-2012, 07:59 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by lissa~K
Personally I think it sounds cruel to forcibly subject an infant to people who clearly upset her. I'm not suggesting avoiding them, but increased visitation simply to "train" her out of her fear doesn't seem fair to her. It sounds like your DH is hurt because they are his parents, but I say suck it up (sorry!). Any of my children that have disliked relatives have gotten over it with age and I believe that your daughter will as well.
I agree!! Poor baby. Inlaws and dh just need to suck it up......
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Old 07-08-2012, 08:12 AM   #16
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Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

Thank you!!!

I am glad so many of you have your own stories as it means I am not alone

Advice has been great I really would prefer they visit here, mostly due to the cigar smoking at their house. Dh was hurt and I just sort of chalked it up to being a baby, but his mil took it very personally. Currently they see here about twice a month, though this last month was only about once due to busy schedules.

Doodah, I think you asked about how they interact with her, and I do think mil tends to reach for her. Most other people approach her more slowly. Sometimes it is hard to make suggestions to them, but I did ask dh to suggest to them no perfume and cut back on the cigars on visit days. I noticed when we were outside, dd was much better, and that made me think maybe it was smells (open air, not so strong). But, it was so hot I was uneasy about keeping her out in the heat too long (our dog was out for just a few minutes to potty and he was showing signs of heat exhaustion).

I do know that they always seem to arrive in the middle of a nap, and yesterday our dog barked very loudly, they brought their dog and it was busy/loud. But, my mom has visited with her dog and it is loud and busy in the middle of naps without incident, so I dont know.

And, thanks for all the support of not making visits 1-2 times a week If I did that she would see them more than her own father! I am really not comfortable having weekly visits of her crying, especially if it is something she just needs to grow out of and time will fix.

Again, thank you everyone for your ideas and suggestions! I think the first thing to try is the strong smells and go from there.
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Old 07-08-2012, 08:18 AM   #17
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Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

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OP, I could have written your post! My 5mo cries when mil so much as looks at her. It started recently. Its a different cry, too, like she's frightened. Weird. She, too, wears a lot of perfume and she smokes. I wondered if it was the perfume as well. My mom smokes and dd is fine with her. I'm not worried, I know she'll outgrow it. If your inlaws are upset, I would try to reassure them that it's temporary and perhaps suggest that the perfume and/or smoke might be a factor. Now that I think of it, when dd1 was an infant, she seemed uncomfortable with mil, and she was living with us at the time. It very well could be the smells!
Yes, it is a weird frightened crying. Not just crying, but as if she is terrified. Poor baby
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Old 07-08-2012, 08:23 AM   #18
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Angry Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

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Originally Posted by lissa~K View Post
Personally I think it sounds cruel to forcibly subject an infant to people who clearly upset her. I'm not suggesting avoiding them, but increased visitation simply to "train" her out of her fear doesn't seem fair to her. It sounds like your DH is hurt because they are his parents, but I say suck it up (sorry!). Any of my children that have disliked relatives have gotten over it with age and I believe that your daughter will as well.
Hee hee, I tended to not think it was such a big deal, but everyone else did and so I want to address the concerns they have. I am not comfortable forcing her to interact with them, because I think it will have thebopposite effect. Instead of getting happy and used to them, she will be upset and have a negative association.
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:06 AM   #19
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Re: Help! dd sobs when she sees grandparents

I didn't read all the responses but I think it is just a phase. My daughter didn't like her own dad or her own sister! She clung to me and my stepson but didn't want anything do to with the other two when she was about that age.

My DSD was in tears over it and it took me a long time to convince her that it was just silly baby behavior. My husband took it in stride but it did hurt him a little too. She saw her siblings equally every weekend and saw my husband daily.

Now, at nearly 3 years old, she gravitates to those two more.

I cannot see how smells played a part as my husband and DSS don't wear any perfumed stuff - my husband cannot stand strong smells - and they both don't smoke or come from smokey environments.

However... when I was pregnant I could not stand the smell of my husband and my DSS. It was akward! Maybe there is some underlying smell thing after all.... mmmm....
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