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Old 07-08-2012, 07:46 PM   #21
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Re: Your thoughts please..... and support

I would notify the pastor and look for a new church....

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Old 07-08-2012, 08:04 PM   #22
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Re: Your thoughts please..... and support

If you are a serious member of this church, I advise discussing the situation with her and her superiors. That may or may not include the Pastor. The purpose of the nursery should be addressed. Is the main idea to provide a safe, loving environment for babies or is it to "teach" them to be away from parents? What is the policy for how long to allow a crying baby to cry before sending for parents? What is the policy on sick babies? (because if they are crying they could really be sick!) Base your next decisions on what you get out of that meeting. If you discover that the overall idea doesn't jive with your idea of whether that nursery will ever be a place for your family.
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Old 07-08-2012, 08:26 PM   #23
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Re: Your thoughts please..... and support

Just wanted to offer HUGS! Do not beat yourself up for today! I agree about bringing it up with the pastor. She was completely out of line. My ydd is just now ready to be away from me and she is 18 months old. You are the Mom, what you say goes!!
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Old 07-08-2012, 08:33 PM   #24
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I get what she was trying to do, but she went about it all wrong. And he probably would benefit from small stints away from you at this point to help shake some of his dependency, but he needs to trust who he's being left with, and I don't think he will ever trust her.
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Old 07-08-2012, 08:39 PM   #25
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Re: Your thoughts please..... and support

that is crazy stuff. I work in our church nursery and I agree with the above poster who stated a nursery's purpose is to provide a safe loving environment. I'd talk with the pastor about your experience and never leave my child in the nursery under that woman's care.
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:01 PM   #26
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Re: Your thoughts please..... and support

I agree with the previous responses, and will add this... I hate to say it, but, her pressuring you into leaving him and the idea that parents don't usually stay with their kids in that nursery (which is completely opposite of every church nursery experience I have ever had) makes me seriously question what, exactly, is going on in there that she doesn't want parents to see. A 13-month-old does NOT need to be "disciplined" or "taught a lesson" by a complete stranger, EVER, but most especially in the midst of his first experience without mom or dad. What the heck does she do to the kids who have been there a while?!?!?!

But you, mama, handled it far better than I would, and I give you major props for recognizing and respecting your baby's needs. That isn't an AP thing, that's just a natural, good mama thing.
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:07 PM   #27
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Oh mama! I'm so sorry! My husband used to spend about half of every service in the nursery with ds from about 12 months-16 months. The nursery workers always tried to convince him he could leave but dh was under strict orders from me to never leave ds if he so much as made a sad face when dh got up to go. Well I got pregnant with dd when ds was 12 months so when we were still unable to leave him at 16 months I was getting worried. We decided to leave him. He cried when we went into the hallway. But then he stopped and we waited for about 5 minutes and then went to the service. They said they would page us if he started to cry. Well when we went to pick him up, the head lady was holding him and he was asleep! She said he was perfect. Then she handed him over and I saw there were tears on his face!!! We still don't know what happened... It seems that he cried himself to sleep but all the workers said he was so good. We were furious. Oh, and ds was super clingy for 2 weeks after. When he was 18 months, dh started going to the nursery with him again. At 19 months we left him at the nursery again, but this time no tears. Now at 20 months he's still going to the nursery and he waves bye to us and is sad to leave the workers when we go to pick him up... He always wants them to come home with us. I never thought he would make the transition on his own, but he did. Apparently he wasn't ready at 16 months... And leaving him was one of my biggest parenting failures. But at 19 months, he was just ready.
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:10 PM   #28
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Re: Your thoughts please..... and support

I agree with a pp that said you need to speak with her about it. This may not be so, but it sounded from your post like you were too shocked and needing time to process everything to have said something to her at the time? If you did not than the biblical model would be when you have something against your brother to go to him first and not someone else about it - even the pastor. That comes in a later step if you do not get anywhere. I know it's harder, but I think the higher path than emailing the pastor and having no further interaction. I think it's possible that she has no idea that anything she did was upsetting. If she did she wouldn't have been describing it in detail to you and encouraging you to use her methods. Perhaps she is still under the impression that she has been immensely helpful. To go right over her head to complain about her to the pastor without even speaking with her about it does not seem nice/right.

eta: But, I am in total agreement with you about the situation being totally inappropriate and your feelings are very valid. Is she a parent? It sounds like her understanding of age appropriateness is way off. Poor little guy, sorry for his first experience in the nursery being so sad. And I have also had moments where I gave in and did not follow my "Mommy instinct" and severely regretted it. You are a good momma.

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Old 07-08-2012, 09:24 PM   #29
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Re: Your thoughts please..... and support

I would speak to the head of children's ministry. Her choice of interaction with your infant was not appropriate. Her job to is to protect and comfort infants so their parents can engage in church services not to discipline a baby for being upset.

I can see a nursery being reluctant to having a parent that is not serving in the space. I see the problem around that you are in a children's ministry area were IMO all volunteers in the space should be background checked. But that might not be the way this church operates. I see no issue with a parent in the nursery if they are an approved volunteer. Does this make sense.

Anyways our church has pagers. A child is never allowed to cry longer than 10 minutes and the child is always supported to help them calm and feel safe. All volunteers have to be background checked to be in the classrooms. I can stay in the room with the baby as long as i am background checked. If a child misbehaves in a way (hitting/biting destructive to supplies) a parent is paged to help handle the situation. Also we have a cry room and a nursing mothers room where i can still see the service and keep my kids with me if needed.
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:34 PM   #30
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Unbelievable! They are cruel! I had THE hardest time leaving ds1 because he's do connected to me. Even now at three I don't leave him; and if I do for a few minutes I get " mommy- you left me!" the nursery workers tried a few times taking him on their own. I went back to find he had been "good" too but had cried himself to sleep; and had wanted no part of that. They quickly learned that I would be staying in the nursery and quit telling me I had to "teach him" by leaving him.
I think I would even relay this to the Pastor. Even if they where trying to "help" you she really took it too far!!
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