My son beats people :(

[WhatWasIThinking]

Originally Posted by chickenmonkeybaby If no one wants to spend time with your niece, my guess is that there is way more to it than your FIL's behavior. I would venture to say her parents have probably lost control.

Well yeah, of course they did. but that's how it starts, ya know? My SIl would tell neice not to do it but FIl would completely undermine her and tell neice that she didn't have to listen to mom. It didn't happen in one day. Now it's to the point that noone wants to be around her.

[Smidgerooski]

Boy, this is a toughfy. I assume moving out isn't an option??? I would have your dh sit down (w/o you, his wife, your son, etc) and talk about it. If he doesn't respect your wishes then try to lessen his time w/ gpa. I know this sounds harsh, but my gpa fought prostate cancer twice and then the 3rd time lost his life to it. My point being is that he lived for about 8 yrs with it. You certainly don't want an 8yr old doing this.

[Sleep deprived]

Don't know if this will be helpful, but my friend grew up with a grandparent who was very foul-mouthed. His mom taught him that there were special grandpa-only words that no one but gandpa ws allowed to use. This worked out pretty well - he didn't use profanity until college and still watches his mouth around his mom at 40. Perhaps you could institute a grandpa-only rule on the roughhousing?

[klindsey82]

I honestly just agree with your FIL. Put yourself in his shoes. He's a dying man.

Your son isn't going to grow up to beat people. He's not going to be deformed, deranged, or otherwise from this.

Give your FIL a break, I say. My mom lets my son get away with lots of things that don't fly in my household. My MIL does the same. His father does the same. Still, my son knows that MOM is the boss and that certain things are special privledges etc. I honestly think your FIL is just 100% in the right... you have ONE LIFE to live, and he's at the end of his. Do you really think he wants grief from a 23 year old about an 8 month old hitting a little bit???? I mean, if you step back you will see its not as big an issue as you think it is.. I think the biggest issue is that someone is DYING. Not an 8 month old hitting. Someone is DYING. Perspective, mama.

[Sleep deprived]

I think the biggest issue is that someone is DYING. Not an 8 month old hitting.

I can't quite agree with this, though I don't think that the roughhousing has to be a problem, per se. Dying only happens to one person, and affects only those close to them. Bad manners affects lots of people, some of whom will inevtably be strangers. The original poster is right to want to limit the effects of her FIL's laxity.

[Missy_wpg]

I don't know. I also don't think it is really a problem. 8 months isn't really old enough to understand one way or the other..

[Umm_Ibraheem]

UPDATE: My then 8 month old is a 3 (almost 4) year old and has THANKFULLY outgrown this behavior. My FIL put a stop to it once my son became a little bigger and heavier and my FIL was weak due to his treatments. It took a LONG time but it was done and everything was smooth sailing after that.

My FIL is still fighting cancer but seems to be winning. He now has TWO grandchildren to love and this time around he found a different way to connect with my daughter than allowing her to beat him. I guess my son was just his first and only grandchild for so long that he was very permissive.

I feel silly reading my old post, live and learn.

[Amaggiepie]

I love it when people come back and update like this!

[RainandRedemption]

Originally Posted by Umm_Ibraheem my fil spoils my son, he lets him get away with murder. This wasn't a problem before when we would see them once a month but we know live with them. My husband is unemployed and we moved in with my in laws. Before when my son would hit, pull, push or scratch once he was told to stop that it wasn't nice, he would stop. Now he doesn't. Why? because my fil allows my son to beat him, pull his hair, push and basically be a bully. He thinks its hilarious and gives my son positive feedback. I have woken up many times with a slap to my face or a headbutt to my nose. My husband has similar stories. My son is only 8 months old and it upsets me that he is behaving this way. not everyone finds that adorable or has the patience to deal with it. I know he must be confused that he is allowed to do it with one person but not us. How can i remove this when every day he is getting positive reinforcement from his grandfather? I have asked my fil kindly to please stop it but he just doesn't listen. I am 23 and he is pushing 70. He is fighting prostate cancer and he says "i don't know how much longer i will live, just let me enjoy my grandson." I feel like crap after that statement. but I think he can still enjoy his grandson without teaching or reinforcing negative social behavior. HELP!

I don't have any advice, just . My fil is the same way with my kids.... we lived with him for a while when ds was a baby and I know some of his behavioral issues are because fil would let him get away with anything. Anytime fil comes to visit us now the kids get into a rut of some of their worst behavior.

[jamie714]

My nephew who is three loves to wrestle and play rough. My husband is the only one that plays with him as rough as he likes. He does hit and tackle and kick and everything but only with my husband. He does not do it to or with me or his mom or cousins, just Uncle Spencer. I think with FIL's help he could learn that its only okay to play that way with grandpa.