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Old 07-20-2012, 04:26 AM   #1
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Mean Mommies

How do you deal with mean mommies?
I wrote this at three in the morning so my thoughts are out of order.
I joined a new moms group and of course one of the first thing I start talking about is cloth diapers. I mention my gigantic stash and how I went waay over board and have lots of cheap diapers to sell. Not all in one post but as it became relevant to the thread. She contacted me to buy some of the diapers and then chewed me out about selling on her board. (I also posted the diapers for sale on craigslist and she tried to buy them from me there too.) After the way she spoke to me I wasn't going to sell her any of my diapers.
After a few weeks the the mom who started the group decided that she didn't want anyone selling anything in "her" group. Anytime anyone posts anything that she doesn't like she deletes the post. She allows her friends to post what I would call ads for things like photography and other businesses.
I posted about a flea market this weekend. I was not the first to post about this particular flea market. I just mentioned that I would be there and what I was bringing IE: Tons of cloth diapers. People start asking what diapers am I bringing. I don't post any more about what I am selling.
Previous she claimed that I had a cloth diaper business.
She posts again "No sales threads."
I post on her thread saying this is a mom's group not your private group. You need to respect the wants of everyone in the group not just what you personally want. Several other mom's post saying that they agree with me.
She responds with well if you don't like it make your own group. More people disagree with her.
I post that since she is always talking about how much money she has that she doesn't understand what it is like to be poor. That sometimes you need new things for your kids and you don't have any money to buy new things but you have some things your kids have outgrown and you would love to sell or even trade these things with other moms. She deletes my posts and all the posts where people are agreeing with me. No one posts supporting her. I was angry that she kept deleting posts so I posted about how she has so much money that you don't need to worry about selling things that she will buy the things you need because she is loaded. She deleted that post. I posted Tyrant dictator and another mom posts yep. And we both get booted from the group.
The mom that started the group is pretty much the only one that posts new threads. I think that the other moms in the group are either afraid to post or she just keeps deleting all of their posts.
I think that she needs to be called out for her actions.
I don't want to act childish about it (although the post about her buying the thing you need was very childish of me)
What would you do?
Post about when you have encountered a mean mommy.

I what I think is the saddest is that lots of moms are joining the group and mommy groups are not very common around here. There are a few very cliquey play groups that snub you completely if you attend to join them. I think most moms just want other moms to hang out with and playmates for the kids. But these few mean women ruin it for the majority of us.

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Old 07-20-2012, 04:45 AM   #2
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I want to make sure I'm understanding you. You join a new group and shortly after get into a posting war with the owner/moderator to the point that you call her a name and pick on her for having more money.

Have you considered that there was more than one mean mommy in this situation?

I usually deal with mean mommies by avoiding them at all costs.
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:58 AM   #3
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Re: Mean Mommies

It wasn't shortly after I joined but a couple of months. And yes I do regret the mean comment I made. But I was just so frustrated with how everything had to be her way.
Seriously can you imagine the mods on this site deleting posts just because they don't like them or if they disagree with what you say?
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:08 AM   #4
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I wouldn't like getting my posts deleted. But if I felt that she was doing it to bully me or push me out I would leave because who wants to be around that nonsense. But if she owned/moderated the list she can do what she wants.

I tell you though I think she gave you more than a fair shot. If she deleted a couple of your posts and you just got more assertive with your posts what option did she have?

But I hear that you thought she was controlling.

Did you at least connect with any of the moms?

The cliquey mom group thing seems to be universal. I've found it in every state I've lived in. I would join and lay low until I got things figured out and then I would figure out who was there to make friends and who was there to relive high school. I would just get the info. from the nice moms and go from there.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:09 AM   #5
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It was an online group? Even better - move on. Maybe you should start your own.
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Old 07-20-2012, 06:02 AM   #6
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Move on. Other moms will find out soon enough if they want to play with her or not. Case in point-When dd1 was little I found the only playgroup in our town. It had been 'open' for a couple years and had a decent number of members(although I did wonder why there wasnt more for being the only one for the entire town). After a few meet ups I got my answer. Luckily the neighboring town had plenty of groups to join. Lol Trust me, you dont need to 'call her out' .
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Old 07-20-2012, 06:06 AM   #7
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Re: Mean Mommies

Just leave the group.
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Old 07-20-2012, 06:37 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Agla
I want to make sure I'm understanding you. You join a new group and shortly after get into a posting war with the owner/moderator to the point that you call her a name and pick on her for having more money.

Have you considered that there was more than one mean mommy in this situation?

I usually deal with mean mommies by avoiding them at all costs.
This.

I'm a part of several groups in my area. Some of them are actual classifieds, some are moms groups. I hate seeing ads on the moms group ones. Especially since they post them on ALL the community pages and I get to see them 10x. But anyways.

Her page, her rules. I would have made a new site that suited your needs, pm'd the people you wanted to join and then left the old group.

At this point, if I was one of the mommies, I would have left her page because I don't like the drama & argumentative behavior. But I would have remembered your name too - sorry
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Old 07-20-2012, 07:38 AM   #9
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Re: Mean Mommies

So... You joined a group where you posted something that the moderator didn't like and asked you not to post any more along those lines, and then got mad because you continued to post those things instead of just leaving and using other means to post your sales?

Am I missing something here? Just because you convinced other people to team up and bully her along with you doesn't make you the one in the right.

Why didn't you just write down the email addresses of the moms you like and then leave the group and contact them one-to-one? Why start/perpetuate drama with someone you only know online, and with whom you have no other contact?

In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? This seems like a pretty petty online dispute, IMO, when there are a lot of "real-life" things out there that could use the energy put into this sort of quarrel...

Just my
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Old 07-20-2012, 07:51 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dancermommy1
So... You joined a group where you posted something that the moderator didn't like and asked you not to post any more along those lines, and then got mad because you continued to post those things instead of just leaving and using other means to post your sales?

Am I missing something here? Just because you convinced other people to team up and bully her along with you doesn't make you the one in the right.

Why didn't you just write down the email addresses of the moms you like and then leave the group and contact them one-to-one? Why start/perpetuate drama with someone you only know online, and with whom you have no other contact?

In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? This seems like a pretty petty online dispute, IMO, when there are a lot of "real-life" things out there that could use the energy put into this sort of quarrel...

Just my
This. Name-calling puts you squarely in the "mean mommy" column in my book.
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