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Old 07-23-2012, 08:01 AM   #31
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No advice but I can relate. I've always dreamed of raising a little girl. When expecting #1, DH had his heart set on a boy and I was set on a girl. We chose not to find out the gender. After an incredibly difficult 36+ hr labor that ended in a rushed c-section, the dr announced "It's a boy!!" I thought DH was crying from excitement but once he regained composure and could speak, he kept apologizing that after all I went through, I didn't get my girl. That thought never crossed my mind. I was just so excited to have him in my arms. DS spent time in the NICU and DH roomed with him. The nurses would wheel me down to nurse DS and during one of the middle of the night feeds, I entered the NICU room to DH leaning over DS's isolet saying "Our job as men of the house is to spend every day of our lives treating mommy like the queen of the castle" DS is 2.5 and DH continues to remind him of this
I'm 18wks pregnant w/ #2 (our last!) and we're choosing not to find out again but this time mostly b/c I am terrified of being disappointed if it's another boy. My instinct says it's another boy but there is a tiny part of me that is holding out hope for a girl. Hopefully by waiting until delivery, it won't be as disappointing if it really is a boy (at least that's what I'm making myself believe). And if it is, maybe my practical side will take over and I'll be grateful that we saved all the clothes, toys, and gear and use the money we would've spent on girly things to treat myself to a weekend away with girlfriends and pampering spa days

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Old 07-23-2012, 08:11 AM   #32
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Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?

I'm in the same boat, and honestly I really don't think its something that will ever fully go away. We're pg with boy #3 and DH is ready to go get snipped tomorrow if I'd let him lol. The thought of never ever raising a daughter is devastating to me though, even though I love my sweet, cuddly, affectionate, sensitive little boys to pieces. Theres even a little part of me hoping for a PP oops before DH can get his V, even though I know that won't happen. It is a very different relationship, something that DH just doesn't get, he insists I can be just as close to the boys as I could a daughter, but its really not the same thing at all. I was crushed when I found out DS2 was a boy, but with this one I seem to be handling it a little too well, which has me worried that all the emotions of "loss" might be waiting to snowball me post-partum.
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Old 07-23-2012, 10:50 AM   #33
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Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?

At boy #4, I realized that if I didn't grieve that loss that I would never get past it. There are still times that I feel that tug of sadness but it's not the empty feeling I once had.
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Old 07-23-2012, 11:07 AM   #34
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Ds2 being a boy was harder to take than this one too for some reason. I cried at the ultrasound when they said 2 was a boy and this time I just said "of course it is" mind you at that very moment I felt a thwap on my chest and looked over to see DS 2 completely naked and hitting me with a diaper :0 right there in the ultrasound room! I think it was the comic relief I needed! Poor DS1 was like, no it can't be a boy. We want a girl so my Mom isn't the only one (love him) so I'm hoping his cutey smushy face keeps my disappointment from being to great. I tried to get DH to just let me dress him as a girl for a few months (everyone thinks boys are girls as babies anyway) but he won't go for it
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:11 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoyCrazy
I have 4 boys and we are done. When I found out #4 was another boy last May, I started sobbing and didn't stop for three days. It's still hard. It's not that I would trade any of my sons for a daughter. It's knowing that I will never experience raising a daughter. Some aspects of that I am ok with--like not dealing with Bieber fever or stepping on Barbie shoes (although Legos and little light sabers aren't exactly kind to the tootsies). But thinking about dance lessons and wedding dress shopping makes me sad. I don't know if that will ever go away. All I can do is try my best to raise good men who will bring awesome daughters-in-law into our family.
I loved this. so well spoken. i'm currently pregnant (only six weeks) with what I assume well be our fourth boy. it's hard to get across that you love your boys and are sooooo thankful for them, it's the loss of the idea of having a girl that i'm always grieving in the ultra sound room...i'm trying REALLY hard to prepare myself to hear "it's a little boy" again at twenty weeks. I'd just like to feel super excited at those words for once...

sorry, i'm really bad at autocorrect and I don't like proof reading!
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Old 07-23-2012, 12:18 PM   #36
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Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BoyCrazy View Post
I have 4 boys and we are done. When I found out #4 was another boy last May, I started sobbing and didn't stop for three days. It's still hard. It's not that I would trade any of my sons for a daughter. It's knowing that I will never experience raising a daughter. Some aspects of that I am ok with--like not dealing with Bieber fever or stepping on Barbie shoes (although Legos and little light sabers aren't exactly kind to the tootsies). But thinking about dance lessons and wedding dress shopping makes me sad. I don't know if that will ever go away. All I can do is try my best to raise good men who will bring awesome daughters-in-law into our family.

Very well said and I agree. We currently do not know what this new babe will be but I will be in complete shock if it is a girl, eventhough that was one reason for having a third. i am usually okay with the idea that I might not have a girl until I go into the storage area and find the tea cups, porcalin dolls, books, ect that were mine as a kid and realize that I may not have a daughter to pass them on to. Then the delima will be do I give them to my neice or hold on to them for future grand-daughter.
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Old 07-23-2012, 01:00 PM   #37
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Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?

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Very well said and I agree. We currently do not know what this new babe will be but I will be in complete shock if it is a girl, eventhough that was one reason for having a third. i am usually okay with the idea that I might not have a girl until I go into the storage area and find the tea cups, porcalin dolls, books, ect that were mine as a kid and realize that I may not have a daughter to pass them on to. Then the delima will be do I give them to my neice or hold on to them for future grand-daughter.
Some of my favorite treasures come from my dad's mom who had no daughters but 4 grand-daughters
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Old 07-23-2012, 01:24 PM   #38
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Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?

I have 2 boys and I'm pregnant again, and I feel like this will be another boy. I always dreamed of having girls. So did DH. I grew up with a single mom and a sister. I didn't know anything about boys. When we found out my DS1 was a boy (20 week ultrasound), I felt a little let down, but I quickly wrapped my head around the idea (and started shopping for super cute boy stuff). I felt the same with DS2. It was a little disappointing, but mostly, it was just adjusting my expectations.

I'm finding out the sex of this one in 3 weeks, and while I "feel" like it's a boy, I feel guilty that if it is indeed a boy, I'll be a little ho-hum, but if it was a girl I would be excited, over the moon.

My comfort comes from knowing that the Lord picked out these little boys for me before the foundation of the world. God has given me the best family, so who am I to argue? Though, if you're not religious, that doesn't help you much.

Another really exciting thing about having a boy this time is that my DH finally agreed that we can use a really close family friend's (known him since I was two, and he was basically my father figure) name for this one's middle name if it's a boy. His name is unusual (Sterling), so he would know it was for him, and it would mean a ton to him! So I am really excited about that.
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Old 07-23-2012, 01:24 PM   #39
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Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?

I have 2 boys and I'm pregnant again, and I feel like this will be another boy. I always dreamed of having girls. So did DH. I grew up with a single mom and a sister. I didn't know anything about boys. When we found out my DS1 was a boy (20 week ultrasound), I felt a little let down, but I quickly wrapped my head around the idea (and started shopping for super cute boy stuff). I felt the same with DS2. It was a little disappointing, but mostly, it was just adjusting my expectations.

I'm finding out the sex of this one in 3 weeks, and while I "feel" like it's a boy, I feel guilty that if it is indeed a boy, I'll be a little ho-hum, but if it was a girl I would be excited, over the moon.

My comfort comes from knowing that the Lord picked out these little boys for me before the foundation of the world. God has given me the best family, so who am I to argue? Though, if you're not religious, that doesn't help you much.

Another really exciting thing about having a boy this time is that my DH finally agreed that we can use a really close family friend's (known him since I was two, and he was basically my father figure) name for this one's middle name if it's a boy. His name is unusual (Sterling), so he would know it was for him, and it would mean a ton to him! So I am really excited about that.
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Old 07-23-2012, 02:12 PM   #40
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Re: How do you deal with gender dissapointment?

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