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Old 07-27-2012, 05:46 AM   #11
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Re: S/O Care and feeding of wives

[QUOTE=AfWife8405;15460010]I have come to realize, at least in our family, that my attitude and disposition set the tone for the rest of the family - especially for my hubby. I have noticed that the mood I am in when he walks in the door after works has bigger impact on how his night will go than whether or not he's had a good/bad day at work. It's almost as if I have more "power" to make this good or bad than he does. I hope that makes sense.

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Oh, I SO agree with this! DH even told me the above when I was a mood for a couple days in a row one time. He told me, "Your mood makes or breaks the house, hun."

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Old 07-27-2012, 05:53 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by AfWife8405
I have come to realize, at least in our family, that my attitude and disposition set the tone for the rest of the family - especially for my hubby. I have noticed that the mood I am in when he walks in the door after works has bigger impact on how his night will go than whether or not he's had a good/bad day at work. It's almost as if I have more "power" to make this good or bad than he does. I hope that makes sense.

Anyways, I think that is why books might be marketed more to women or why more women read them. I read quite a bit, almost exclusively non-fiction. DH only reads fiction, usually science fiction. I think he reads so much for work that when he reads at home he wants it to be more of an escape.
This is how it is for us. Even when i have worked full time my attitude is really what influenced the family attitude. My dh and i have a very traditional relationship by my request. I have found that lately after our 5 th child i have begun having a negative attitude towards my husband and my role as a mother/wife. Reading books like these are helping me get back to a better frame of mind.
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Old 07-27-2012, 07:43 AM   #13
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Re: S/O Care and feeding of wives

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This is how it is for us. Even when i have worked full time my attitude is really what influenced the family attitude. My dh and i have a very traditional relationship by my request. I have found that lately after our 5 th child i have begun having a negative attitude towards my husband and my role as a mother/wife. Reading books like these are helping me get back to a better frame of mind.
I started to after our 4th baby! She transitioned into our family really well, but the transition nudged my DH lower on the totem pole and that was not okay. I really needed encouragement to get back into being the wife I needed to be. 7 mos. after she was born, I think my hormones readjusted and my drive came back and my ooey-gooey feelings came back for DH and my focus got easier, but I think if I had just waited to be a "good wife" until then, it really would have hurt us. I'm thankful to have known what to work on during the before months to prevent the negative stuff.
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Old 07-27-2012, 07:51 AM   #14
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Re: S/O Care and feeding of wives

We don't read relationship books. I am lucky ot have an SO who is fine showing his emotions and very communicative. Just a tip I've learned though if you are trying to get your DH/SO to read something....put the books behind the toilet. That's how I got him to read al the parenting/pregnancy books I wanted him to.
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Old 07-27-2012, 08:17 AM   #15
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Re: S/O Care and feeding of wives

We also don't read relationship books. We talk all the time (daily for hours) and we are both not afraid to say what we like/dislike in all situations and talk about how we can approve some situations. We are both huge readers though. I like medical books and DH likes books on aviation, cars, etc and we both like biographies so we'll share those and books on different countries cultures. We suggest books to eachother all the time and will read them, and we'll discuss the books as well as the ones we don't both read. (like he'll discuss a medical book with me and vise versa)
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Old 07-27-2012, 08:55 AM   #16
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Re: S/O Care and feeding of wives

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Originally Posted by AfWife8405 View Post
I have come to realize, at least in our family, that my attitude and disposition set the tone for the rest of the family - especially for my hubby. I have noticed that the mood I am in when he walks in the door after works has bigger impact on how his night will go than whether or not he's had a good/bad day at work. It's almost as if I have more "power" to make this good or bad than he does. I hope that makes sense.
this is so true. And this is why I try really hard to be nice when he comes home even if I'm at my wit's end. Women just have a really strong presence.

I understand the OP wasn't complaining about her husband. Yesterday, though, I was on a Christian website that I read devotionals on and there were 2 different 'how to be a good husband type' articles, though. So, I think, atleast for Christian folks, the stuff geared for the man is out there. I think more mainstream type stuff is probably more geared towards women. Shoot, even 'Fireproof' was technically geared towards primarily improving the attitude of the husband. But again, that's Christian.

Hubby and I don't have hours to chat. I guess I'd be jealous of the families that do. We get about 2 hours to ourselves in an entire day. Sure, we chat, but we also have other things to do once the kiddo is in bed. Those 2 hours go by so fast.
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Old 07-27-2012, 09:43 AM   #17
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I think they market to women because we do buy and read them. Men just don't. I don't know that any amount of marketing would convince them....
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Old 07-27-2012, 10:11 AM   #18
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Re: S/O Care and feeding of wives

I kinda wondered the same thing when I was reading the other thread... why isn't there a book called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Wives"

Some of the comments made me think of the quote "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." There's another quote from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" about how the husband is the head but the woman is the neck and can turn the husband's head however she wishes. I think these quotes can be true but still it's definitely not always entirely the wife's fault if things aren't going well. Of course if a wife starts paying more attention to her husband's needs he will likely start seeming more understanding and considerate of her, but that doesn't mean that he wasn't still to blame for his own selfishness or issues.

I can't really give a fair opinion of the book w/o having read it. I came across an interview and I agree with some things but some things bother me: http://www.harpercollins.com/author/...=bookinterview

My husband's not much of a reader. He would read a book if he thought it would help him be a better husband or if I wanted him to, though. I'm more of a reader, but not exactly a huge one any more. And while I think books like these can be helpful at times (as a pp mentioned some ARE more likely to learn certain things from a book that they won't take from another person) we also both much prefer just to talk about issues instead of trying to figure each other out from reading a book; we tend to see things pretty similarly though and both already believe in working on ourselves first and putting each other first so maybe that helps. Besides, I think the Bible has sufficient advice as to how to be good husbands and wives Ephesians 5.

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Old 07-27-2012, 10:27 AM   #19
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Other than reading to our kids neither DH nor I are huge readers. When we do read though I tend to go for the parenting and relationship books. He tends to read novels like Pride and Prejudice as well as biographies. He will listen to anything I want to share from my readings though. I don't care that he does not read them. He is always willing to listen to what I want or need. Also no relationship works the same way, so books are not always the answer. This is why he won't read them.
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Old 07-27-2012, 10:46 AM   #20
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Re: S/O Care and feeding of wives

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Originally Posted by waterisntsomething View Post
We don't read relationship books. I am lucky ot have an SO who is fine showing his emotions and very communicative. Just a tip I've learned though if you are trying to get your DH/SO to read something....put the books behind the toilet. That's how I got him to read al the parenting/pregnancy books I wanted him to.
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