new here, at my wit's end with my son

[taralynnel]

My son just turned 7 years old. We don't have an 'official' diagnosis yet, but we had his psychologist do a TON of testing to help determine how we can help him. We are pretty sure he has an Auditory Process Disorder as well as other issues. He can't read facial expressions and has a hard time with impulse control (to name a few of his problems). He scored low in many things that would put him on the Autism scale, but scored high on things that an autistic kid wouldn't, so she doesn't think he's on the scale. The doctor also doesn't think he's ADD or ADHD, but she has never seen him in a home setting or elsewhere. He's always wonderful one on one, according to all of his therapists and teachers (he's just finished his second year of K, moving on to 1st this year).
All that said, he's driving me and my girl (8 & 4) NUTS. admittedly my younger daughter is a bit of an instigator (seems she won't leave him alone til he does something to get him in trouble). If I'm not right there, which i really can't always be, he ends up doing something to hurt her- hit her, push her, etc. I am working on getting the youngest to stop doing this, but it's not going to happen over night, he still needs to learn that it's NOT okay to hit when he gets upset. He also just randomly runs into or jumps on my older daughter, hurting her. He doesn't listen when I tell him to stop. For example, this morning he was trying to play with the cat, running after it with a toy. I told him, "everett, jack doesn't want to play right now". he continues on. I end up having to yell at him, which then he gets upset about.
When he doesn't get his way, he cries and carries on and tells me he's mad at me, I'm being mean, etc. I always talk to him when his punishment is over (usually sitting out, going to his room, etc) and explain that he made the decisions that got him in trouble, that I'm not being mean, but making sure everyone is playing nicely and safely. He always responds well to these talks and says he understands. but nothing changes the next time he is in this situation.
It doesn't help that we have just moved cross country, are staying at my parent's house (til next week, closing on our house tuesday, moving in on friday) and my dh is still in CA until mid-Sept. Most days I just want to cry and some days I want to strangle him. I just don't know what to do. It's like I can't get anything through his head. Him and I have a bit of a strained relationship anyway and I was seeing the psychologist in CA to help me learn how to deal with him appropriately. As soon as we get into our new house, I will get him back into all of the services he'd been getting (OT, Speech, psychologist, etc) and also see a therapist myself.
I've even gone as far as to go onto Zoloft to help me keep from losing my cool with him so quickly. I love him but most days I really don't like him and don't want to deal with him. I feel horrible for feeling this way, but I just can't help it

does anyone have any suggestions? Being home all the time because of the heat hasn't helped anyone. It was so nice and cool in Monterey that whenever the kids were acting up, I could send them outside to play. This mama is a little depressed right now

[slyeates]

Hugs mama. I totally understand the heat problem. When I start to feel cooped up I take the kids to pump it up. It only costs $7 and my son can jump and bounce and get all of his energy out and I can concentrate on the baby. I usually sit where I can see him and nurse her. The jumping helps with sensory problems. Where did you move to? If you don't mind me asking. I'm in Houston. I hope your day today has been better.

[gardensparrow]

You sound like you're feeling a bit at the end of your rope here? And, kids certainly know how to push our buttons don't they? But, I thought slyeates had a good suggestion about finding somewhere your son can work out a bit of that energy. Also, I know the way you'll respond to his behavior will depend a lot on whether he's diagnosed with anything. But, I do know some kids are just strong-willed and have a harder time listening to instruction, etc. We definitely had one of those in our family! And, there's quite a bit of material out there on that topic. In particular, the book The New Strong-Willed Child might be helpful. I've heard a lot of good things about it from other parents while working at Focus on the Family. There was also a broadcast on this topic called "Surviving the Strong-Willed Child" that might give you some more immediate advice. You should be able to pull it up on Focus' website. Just a thought. Well, I hope things start improving in your household and you're able to get some answers soon. Hang in there!

[taralynnel]

Thanks for the advice. We just closed on our house today (in Columbia, MD) and will move in this weekend So hopefully we'll find some fun stuff to do in the area. We love going to those jump house places, but because i have 3 to pay for, we can't go that often
I'll definitely check out that book. He is a bit stubborn and strong-willed along with everything else (lucky me, right?!). He can be SO sweet so it's frustrating when he's not listening. I am also going to try a new supplement/vitamin called Kid's Calm Multivitamin (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS.../chrisficti-20

He's not feeling well today, and I hate to say it, but he's SO much better when he's got a fever. Hopefully he'll feel better soon though. But it was kind of nice that he was a little under the weather because I had to leave him and the girls with my mom most of the day and he was very good for her.