Whatever happened to "Congratulations"?

[MDever]

We are expecting #5(12weeks) and I just said to DH last night that "I guess we have to start telling people soon" This was a big surprise for us and I am still adjusting myself. I just can't face the nasty comments I know are coming The few people we are close to know already and he kindly reminded me that there is no rush to share until we are ready. Seems such a shame that 100 years ago a woman was "less than" if she only had 1 or 2 children and now being a large family makes you some kind of pariah I offer and hearty congratulations to the expecting mamas of many!

[dagmomma]

Congrats!!!!!!!

I got negative reactions with 3!

[twinpossible]

You know what occurred to me after I posted? I think religious background has an effect on how people respond. My friends who are always happy and give congrats to mamas with many children tend to be the same faith background as me. Maybe it has something to do with our faith valuing children and seeing them as blessings to a family. Many people at my church say we are SO blessed to have twins instead of the random person at Target who tells me she wouldn't wish twins on her worst enemy...ya thanks!

[chello]

I just remembered, DH has had women in his office ask him point blank "don't you love your children? why would you have more??" because having more children means you can't spend time and money on the older children, therefore we don't love them. We're only on #4 people, it's not like we have ten and lose track of how much time is spent with each one. And my kids need clothes and toys and trips to the zoo more than a sibling. :eyeroll:

Like one of the pp said though, often the wife gets more comments than the husband and he doesn't understand. The Sunday after my due date with #3 I told DH I wasn't going to church because of the comments I'd been getting. He basically told me I was exaggerating and should get over it. He went to church, I slept, and when he came home he looked sheepish and said "yeah.....I got a LOT of comments..." and apologized.

[ktmelody]

Originally Posted by luvsviola Congrats mama! I have 3 and when I say I want one more, people act like I'm nuts. "You'll never be able to afford to take them to Disney now" "How are you going to pay for 4 weddings?" "How are you ever going to find time for them?" "Guess you'll never have anything nice again" People just don't think before they open their mouths.

I have had people say the disney line to me. Wtf? I dont want to go to disney. Ever. Lol. I wouldnt go with 1 kid or 20. That place is a death trap. i am sure my kids wont hold disney over my heads as adults an if they do then I have done some really bad parenting.

[Rdesonia]

CONGRATS!
* I only have 2 but with DD ... people said all kinds of things about the age gap. Many along the lines of they won't ever be like "real siblings" because they are 8 1/2 years apart!

[cdeweese]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!:che erleader3:

I got really rude comments when I was pregnant with my second (they are less than a year apart). I would be in Target with my daughter and someone would ask if she was mine. When I said yes, they'd act like I hit them People are so rude. It's like no one is allowed to make choices for their own family or have their own beliefs anymore.

[babylove921]

Originally Posted by Umm_Ibraheem Don't feel bad I only have 2 and as soon as I was pregnant with #2 my mom went into a tirade about my reproductive decisions. That there is more to life then being pregnant and giving birth. You went to college so you can stay home?! The mean comments from her didn't stop until I stopped answering calls. THANK GOD she lives a few states away or I don't know what I'd do. When I was going through my miscarriage last year she said it was because of my 'lifestyle' (well technically at the time she made the comment it was an unknown medical condition that was making me bleed and in pain for 3 continuous months the miscarriage was confirmed after the 2nd twin passed). This year we conceived unintentionally and once I had a grip on the situation I shared with family and friends FIL and MIL were ecstatic! They were so happy they were getting more grand babies. My mom? Her response was "my dog is pregnant too!" then hijacked the whole conversation about the gestation of puppies and how happy she was about it and I continued asking questions since clearly that's the topic she wanted to discuss. In a follow up conversation she once again started her usual speech about my choice to have more children and demanding to know when we would stop. So I can only imagine the hate coming my way if we are expecting baby #5. So don't stress it. Its YOUR blessings and YOUR family so you have to make it special and not put too much stock in the insensitivity of some people.

Ugh.. been there. My MIL did that to us too.

[princessgirl409]

Originally Posted by twinpossible You know what occurred to me after I posted? I think religious background has an effect on how people respond. My friends who are always happy and give congrats to mamas with many children tend to be the same faith background as me. Maybe it has something to do with our faith valuing children and seeing them as blessings to a family. Many people at my church say we are SO blessed to have twins instead of the random person at Target who tells me she wouldn't wish twins on her worst enemy...ya thanks!

Sadly, I don't think this is always the case either. My own parents and my inlaws (all of the same "religious background" as us) say negative things quite often. And then they try to cover it up with "Well, it's your business." With #3 my mom said "Well, congratulations. If that's what you wanted."

I actually get nicer comments from strangers, I think.
I let the comments from family really get to me because I want them to be just as excited as we are. We don't ask for any help from them and we provide quite well for our children, so they really have no place to say anything.

[sunnygirlmomof6]

I know how you feel. We are currently expecting number 8 and not telling anyone as long as possible because of how rude people are. I REALLY dread telling my mom. She will flip. It is so sad to deal with thie because we are so happy.