Child Support Plus Extras

[JulieBeth]

Hugs OP.

My DH and I both have the same parenting plan in place for our bio-children. We have to split extracurriculars with our ex's, stipulation being it has to be agreed upon and timely notice. This is in addition to CS.

It's hard to not feel guilty about certain things, DH's ex texted yesterday asking if we could buy DSD school shoes. It's not something we have to do at all, last year we bought her backpack (Lands End, embroidered...of course *sigh*). This year we really aren't in a position to help out any extra with such short notice. Especially since 2 weeks ago she texted to let us know DSD needed some dental work and our portion is $70.
We try our hardest to do the extras she asks for, but sometimes it's just not feasible!

I think 3 sets of gear is completely overboard for an 8 year old! If you found used for a good deal, I would send that and be done with it.

[ssand23]

Originally Posted by erkelly After reading all the responses, WOW!! This child does NOT need a 3rd set, that is ridiculous! Especially if she doesn't work, she has plenty of time to do a load of laundry between practices! And if your in laws bought 2 sets, and she bought none...where is her contribution?! He sounds like my step sons mom...greedy and wanting money and trying to milk you for all you're worth. For the record, if a step kids custodial parent was reasonable, hard working and actually a good person, I think the non custodial parent should do all they can to help with extras on top of child support. I would if my step sons mom was a good person. But she's the devil so she doesn't see us bending backwards to meet her demands. Also, why is YOUR income being taken into consideration for your step sons child support???? When we went to court over custody of my step son, MY income was blacked out on all income tax papers filed through the court. To my understanding, they are only supposed to take the bio parents income in consideration. If they have no income or are willfully underemployed, they take into account what the bio parent could/should be making. Like if I were a millionaire, and DH married me and quit working, the state would take into consideration what DH could be making and use that as his child support contribution.

Yes! I am the custodial parent & my ex has a long term partner. My husband's income & the income of my ex's partner are irrelevant. The law only looks at my income & that of my ex. We are the parents. We are responsible.

I'd seriously consider calling a lawyer about amending the current parenting agreement so it's set in stone & there will be nothing for her to call to ask about. Then if she has a problem, she can call her lawyer to discuss it. Here, the non-custodial parent is responsible to insure the child if their job offers insurance, but if their job doesn't offer insurance, then they are not responsible though I do have a legal agreement beyond that as to who is responsible for co-pays & what insurance doesn't cover. That is NJ law but I don't know about other states. I'd see what the laws are where you live since your dh is not at a job that offers insurance. Custody agreements very often discuss extra curricular activities & who pays what for those, like football expenses. Whether it's one parent or the other pays or if there is a percentage that each parent pays. I find it's best to have everything spelled out in super specific details since it's leaves less to argue over. People figure they don't need a detailed custody agreement & they can just figure it out down the road but if you could just figure things out easily with that person, you'd probably still be married to them. It's so helpful & clears up so much stress.

[5PrincessMommy]

Just a little update: we got him the helicopter he wanted for his bday and the red sweat bands he wanted ($5) from amazon and had them shipped to him. I got the used pair of under armour shorts for 3.50 and found a compression shirt (NOT under armour brand) at Target on clearance for $9.98, so got that. I couldn't find an under armour one his size used. So, she can live with the shirt not being under armour brand and used shorts, or she can not use them and use the 2 other sets she has. That was what was affordable, and what we'd do for the girls, so thats what we did.

[Quickshep19]

Originally Posted by 5PrincessMommy Just a little update: we got him the helicopter he wanted for his bday and the red sweat bands he wanted ($5) from amazon and had them shipped to him. I got the used pair of under armour shorts for 3.50 and found a compression shirt (NOT under armour brand) at Target on clearance for $9.98, so got that. I couldn't find an under armour one his size used. So, she can live with the shirt not being under armour brand and used shorts, or she can not use them and use the 2 other sets she has. That was what was affordable, and what we'd do for the girls, so thats what we did.

Good for you!

Jodie ~ wife & mama

[Michelle_M]

I think you should buy what you can comfortably afford (used is fine, as he'll outgrow it before next season anyway), and tell her "This is what I could afford to help with." and leave it at that.

My father had set child support that he sent my mom every month for my sister and I. And yes, there were times where she, as a single mom, had to suck up her pride and say "Could you please send some extra to get school clothes and shoes?" She hated doing it.. but she did it.

So.. if you can comfortably afford to help, my advice is to do it.. because I've been THAT KID who's parents are divorced and the child support didn't cover all of our needs. And there were times when if my dad hadn't been willing to do extra I wouldn't have been able to play sports or do class field trips that my friends were doing.

For the sake of the child.. help out if you can.

God bless!

[Michelle_M]

Originally Posted by 5PrincessMommy Just a little update: we got him the helicopter he wanted for his bday and the red sweat bands he wanted ($5) from amazon and had them shipped to him. I got the used pair of under armour shorts for 3.50 and found a compression shirt (NOT under armour brand) at Target on clearance for $9.98, so got that. I couldn't find an under armour one his size used. So, she can live with the shirt not being under armour brand and used shorts, or she can not use them and use the 2 other sets she has. That was what was affordable, and what we'd do for the girls, so thats what we did.

Just read your update after posting my previous response.

That's awesome. And no, he doesn't need the brand name if a comparable product was available at cheaper price!

I think it's awesome that you decided to step up and help. As the person who used to be "that kid" who's mom needed help with extras ON TOP OF the child support... thank you.

God bless!

[5PrincessMommy]

Oh yes, I am willing to help out, but not on a moments (literally) notice, and what I can afford/what I think is reasonable. Even if I was a millionaire, I'm not the type to "waste" money, and if I can find a better deal second hand or on clearance, etc then so be it. If I can't, then I at least need to use a coupon or sale LOL. My motto is "never pay full price". I pretty strongly stick to this, and it rubs off on other people. People are always amazed at my money saving and money making skills, but it's because I do things like this, kwim? If I just bought multiples of everything, full price, always, then that wouldn't be feasible, fiscally responsible, or even environmentally responsible. Shoot, I refuse to buy paper towels, simply because that money is literally thrown away. I work hard to support my family, and want the best uses for my money. Hope that makes sense! I'm not a scrooge or anything lol

[5PrincessMommy]

Originally Posted by Michelle_M Just read your update after posting my previous response. That's awesome. And no, he doesn't need the brand name if a comparable product was available at cheaper price! I think it's awesome that you decided to step up and help. As the person who used to be "that kid" who's mom needed help with extras ON TOP OF the child support... thank you. God bless!

yeah, like I said, it was never the issue of "helping", it's about getting the best bang for my buck. I mean I am not going to send him used underwear, but under armour is not the same thing, at all. If he did need underwear, I'd buy him new ones, but would find the best deal. And I don't necessarily mean cheapest. For example, I like to buy my 2 y/o Gymboree undies. They are amazing quality and last forever. I have some from her 6 y/o sister that are STILL great and look like new. So I wait for them to go on clearance and then buy them (around $2 a pair). Sure I could get some at wal-mart for like $5 for 6 pairs, but they fall apart and stain horribly, so its not necessarily the best DEAL. I'm all about balance, bargains, and saving money wherever I can.

[DalesWidda]

Oh Natasha, you always try so so hard! Sounds like a good compromise, but honestly, a last minute request? ugh! I get very little from XH, only $260 mandated and he is paying $100 extra each month for back support. It sucks that I get so little but he doesn't make much. I do ask for help now and then, like I asked him for another $100 for Mariah's religious books for school and Savannah's homeschool group fees. He and I usually go in on birthday/Christmas gifts if there is something they really want. Also he has to pay half of everything not covered by insurance, like when Savannah gets braces he is supposed to pay half. Anyways, point is, I wouldn't ask at the last minute unless I really didn't know til the last minute. Like I asked him two weeks ago about the book fees and told him that as long as he gave it to me by the end of August it would be great. I try not to be a jerk, you know? Sounds like this woman just lives to drive you plum crazy!

[5PrincessMommy]

Originally Posted by DalesWidda Oh Natasha, you always try so so hard! Sounds like a good compromise, but honestly, a last minute request? ugh! I get very little from XH, only $260 mandated and he is paying $100 extra each month for back support. It sucks that I get so little but he doesn't make much. I do ask for help now and then, like I asked him for another $100 for Mariah's religious books for school and Savannah's homeschool group fees. He and I usually go in on birthday/Christmas gifts if there is something they really want. Also he has to pay half of everything not covered by insurance, like when Savannah gets braces he is supposed to pay half. Anyways, point is, I wouldn't ask at the last minute unless I really didn't know til the last minute. Like I asked him two weeks ago about the book fees and told him that as long as he gave it to me by the end of August it would be great. I try not to be a jerk, you know? Sounds like this woman just lives to drive you plum crazy!

Aint that the truth!