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Old 08-23-2012, 10:29 AM   #31
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

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Originally Posted by misskira View Post
I get it the other way around right now. I'm staying home and feel like I constantly have to justify it. Why can't it be good enough that it's the right decision for my family at this time?! Especially when the people raising their eyebrows aren't the ones paying our bills. WE are. Why do they care if we give up vacations or a new car or fancy clothes to make it work? Just because I have a degree, why am I less entitled to choice?

When I was working, I felt it too though. No matter what we get judged.
I absolutely agree with this. You should have the choice, degree or not. If you can financially make it work for you to stay home, whether it be foregoing luxury things or not, I think it's great for you. I don't think you should have to make excuses or otherwise justify your decision. It's just when I hear the voluntary and false rationalizations that irks me. It bothers me when my SIL who has never made any real attempt at finding a job after her children were born and I think only for a short time worked like part-time says, we couldn't afford for me to work when they are so strapped right now and the kids are part-time in daycare. It just doesn't ring true in their case. We probably couldn't afford a nanny/daycare if I only worked a few hours a day.

Honestly, I work more for personal reasons in keeping peace in family than for financial reasons. My husband does not want a stay at home wife and I find that me being home for more than 6 months puts a lot of stress on our marriage. That's the God's honest truth. I figure it's better to have an intact marriage and non-feuding parents than a SAHM in our case.

Personally, I would just prefer it if my SIL said that she stays home with her kids because that's what she wants to do and sometimes it's tough financially, but they make it work for the family. Just the honest truth.

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Old 08-24-2012, 12:21 PM   #32
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

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Yea, I definitely don't like the judgment thing. I think sometimes the whole " I don't make enough to cover day care costs," is partly justifying their own decision to stay home. Women/moms in general are getting judged and feel like they are getting judged for everything, so I think the justification has a defensive tone to it. There's a book called the Feminine Mistake and addresses this economic argument a bit. It basically says that the money you are losing while being out of the workforce is not just the money you are not earning during those childrearing years, but the ability to return to work and make a decent income when those childrearing years have passed. Not really passing judgment one way or the other, but just saying that there is more to the economics than the here and now. But if you want to stay home and your family can afford it, more power to you!
In my case, before I found the job that I did, it was literally not able to afford it. We were living on a shoestring as it was. The jobs I could find that actually entertained hiring me were day jobs, the same shift DH was on, and paid minimum wage, which is just under $80/day. Daycare here starts at $40/day for full time. We lived in the country, and I don't drive, so I'd have to take a taxi, since DH would alredy be atwork to the tune of about $25 since I'd have to drop DD1 at daycare. So we're talking 65 of my 75 bucks gone on a good day. On a bad day, I wouldn't get a full 8 hour shift, but still have to pay the daycare for a full 8 hours, and probably need to get a cab home, putting me in the hole for the day. We even considered moving into town, but between the drastic rise in rent and the extra gas to get to DH's job, we'd be in the same boat. It wasn't until the afternoon dispatching position opened up that I was able to find a job I could actually make money at since it was afternoons (no childcare) and next door (no transportation).
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Old 08-24-2012, 01:24 PM   #33
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

I would probably work even if it was just enough to pay for daycare. Eh, maybe not. Who the heck knows?
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Old 08-24-2012, 03:13 PM   #34
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I'm right there with you ladies. I certainly can not afford to stay home, because I bring home most of the bacon. I make about 30k more than DH does a year. There is no way that we could survive off of his income. People sometimes just down right suck.
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Old 08-25-2012, 10:33 AM   #35
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Smile Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

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People will always find something to complain about.
I've been on both sides of this, and if you're at home, you're a lazy-good-for-nothing who can't get out of bed to work to support the kids. If you're at work, you obviously don't care enough about your children to give them your attention.
This! My husband is a SAHD and he gets tons of judgement about being "Mr. Mom" (SAHDs hate this by the way!) And some judgement coems my way for being away from my kids so much. It's just the situation that makes financial sense for us. If we had it our way, we'd all just be at home all the time with them.
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Old 08-29-2012, 02:17 PM   #36
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Re: Anyone get sick of the judgement?

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In my case, before I found the job that I did, it was literally not able to afford it. We were living on a shoestring as it was. The jobs I could find that actually entertained hiring me were day jobs, the same shift DH was on, and paid minimum wage, which is just under $80/day. Daycare here starts at $40/day for full time. We lived in the country, and I don't drive, so I'd have to take a taxi, since DH would alredy be atwork to the tune of about $25 since I'd have to drop DD1 at daycare. So we're talking 65 of my 75 bucks gone on a good day. On a bad day, I wouldn't get a full 8 hour shift, but still have to pay the daycare for a full 8 hours, and probably need to get a cab home, putting me in the hole for the day. We even considered moving into town, but between the drastic rise in rent and the extra gas to get to DH's job, we'd be in the same boat. It wasn't until the afternoon dispatching position opened up that I was able to find a job I could actually make money at since it was afternoons (no childcare) and next door (no transportation).

Sorry, I should've bolded and underlined the part that said "sometimes" it can be an excuse. I didn't mean to imply that I know everyone's true financial situation.
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