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Old 09-04-2012, 06:51 AM   #11
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

I'm sorry she is doing that. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be.

If starting school doesn't stop it, I have to admit, I would put the crafting stuff where she can't reach it. I wouldn't stop letting her make crafts, but I wouldn't let her do it unsupervised.

As for scraping paint off, I would do two things. One, not allow her to be out of her room if it's quiet time and that is where she is supposed to be...thus, no access to the banister. Two, if it continued, I'd remove the furniture from her room. Maybe this sounds harsh, but I am really not into letting my kids damage things. It really upsets me. So, I find a way to stop it if they do something.

After making it so that she couldn't do those things, I would probably start giving her very specific things to do when she has to be alone. And, when she does something destructive, I would tell her she has to be at my side all the time for 24hrs as a consequence. The reason for that is so you can keep an eye on her. She can't be trusted. But, it also isn't fun for her. So, to me, it's a natural consequence of her actions.

I hope she grows out of it soon. I think the K will probably help a lot.

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Old 09-04-2012, 07:03 AM   #12
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My son was just like this before he started school. He's been diagnosed with adhd, and we're curre tly trying to get him evaluated for other issues. He's always been very destructive, I tentionally breaking toys, ripping holes in the screens on the wi dows, etc.

He does have quite a few 'issues' that she doesn't seem to, so I would definitely see about adhd in her case. Is there any way you could participate in her craft-time and do the housework a little later on when she's not so likely to peel the paint?

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Old 09-04-2012, 07:23 AM   #13
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

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Originally Posted by HeatherlovesCDs View Post
If starting school doesn't stop it, I have to admit, I would put the crafting stuff where she can't reach it. I wouldn't stop letting her make crafts, but I wouldn't let her do it unsupervised.

As for scraping paint off, I would do two things. One, not allow her to be out of her room if it's quiet time and that is where she is supposed to be...thus, no access to the banister. Two, if it continued, I'd remove the furniture from her room. Maybe this sounds harsh, but I am really not into letting my kids damage things. It really upsets me. So, I find a way to stop it if they do something.


At one point we had to take DS1's mattress (top bunk) and put it on the floor for a few weeks - the 2 boys were playing around, jumping on the bed, and broke a couple of the support slats. The mattress was on the floor until we "got around" to fixing the bed.
They haven't done it again

It's interesting someone mentioned the ADHD thing with this behaviour. I'm pretty positive that DS1 could easily be diagnosed with ADD or ADHD - though we aren't planning to have him tested, we work with him to control his behaviour with diet and self-control, and it's working all right so far.
But he has this type of behaviour - destroying things, but not really destroying, if that makes sense. But take wallpaper, or books - if he sees a rip (even a teeny tiny spot that noone would ever notice) it's like he can't help himself and just has to finish the job. When he was smaller, he would say he was fixing it - so I assume that's how he perceived it.
He's gotten control of that and doesn't do it nearly as often anymore - in fact, I can't remember the last time he did.

But it may not be a malicious thing on her part, she may see a little nick or chip in the paint and have to "fix it", kwim?
Obviously something that still needs to be dealt with, and there still have to be consequences, but she just may not be trying to be bad.
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Old 09-05-2012, 09:55 AM   #14
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It sounds like she isn't purposely being destructive. The above poster mentioned "fixing" and I'd suggest she's such a creative kid, she isn't recognizing boundaries to being creative. All the "destructive" episodes seem to be variations on crafting (cutting paper is somewhat destructive, no?) She's transforming things, and whether it's interpreted as creating or destroying could be hard for her to figure out.

It doesn't sound remotely ADHD, in which the frontal lobe doesn't turn on all the way and the person doesn't filter fleeting thoughts to discard some and act on others. All people under the age of 25 especially young children and adolescents have immature frontal lobes and don't filter as we wish. Nutrition and behavior mod don't increase blood flow to the frontal lobe, so stuff that's resolved that way is unlikely to be ADHD.

Compulsion is different from impulse too. Feeling strongly compelled to do something is different than doing it without thinking. Compulsion at its extreme is more on the anxiety planet than the ADD planet.

Still for the OP it sounds unlikely that a psych assessment is needed.

You might like the book, Parenting through positive behavior support. Punishment works, sort of, sometimes, with some kids, but has side effects and doesn't teach new skills. Positive behavior support works with the broadest range of children and results in a kid who learns to generalize one lesson to fit other situations.

More to the point you might want to start focusing on strict boundaries for her creative impulse. Make a scissor rule (scissors only cut paper), a crayon rule, etc. Don't tell her the million things to not do, just give her 1 or 2 things to do.

And maybe "only change your craft stuff."

For now a lot of her craft things might need to be off limits temporarily. Kids can't learn rules when presented with top many options, and are usually more creative with fewer anyway. Maybe you explain she is going to have limits for awhile because she's not following rules for being creative... For now at craft time she gets to pick 3 things, you give the rule for each thing, you remind her she can start having more things at each craft session when she follows the rules for awhile.

Then when she goes outside the boundaries, you explain she didn't follow the rules... Scissors are for paper, we don't make changes to the house or furniture... So, it's so sad but now the offending craft implement is in "time out" for a few days, or she only gets 2 items at craft time, etc. That certain privileges only come with certain responsibility is normal life, not an abstract tit for tat punishment or consequence.

I wouldn't put her under 24 hour surveillance, that seems it'd just make you both extra irritated. Focus on teaching her that you want her to follow her creative impulse, within acceptable boundaries, should bring a lot of rewards.
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Old 09-05-2012, 10:48 AM   #15
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It sounds like she isn't purposely being destructive. The above poster mentioned "fixing" and I'd suggest she's such a creative kid, she isn't recognizing boundaries to being creative. All the "destructive" episodes seem to be variations on crafting (cutting paper is somewhat destructive, no?) She's transforming things, and whether it's interpreted as creating or destroying could be hard for her to figure out.

It doesn't sound remotely ADHD, in which the frontal lobe doesn't turn on all the way and the person doesn't filter fleeting thoughts to discard some and act on others. All people under the age of 25 especially young children and adolescents have immature frontal lobes and don't filter as we wish. Nutrition and behavior mod don't increase blood flow to the frontal lobe, so stuff that's resolved that way is unlikely to be ADHD.

Compulsion is different from impulse too. Feeling strongly compelled to do something is different than doing it without thinking. Compulsion at its extreme is more on the anxiety planet than the ADD planet.

Still for the OP it sounds unlikely that a psych assessment is needed.

You might like the book, Parenting through positive behavior support. Punishment works, sort of, sometimes, with some kids, but has side effects and doesn't teach new skills. Positive behavior support works with the broadest range of children and results in a kid who learns to generalize one lesson to fit other situations.

More to the point you might want to start focusing on strict boundaries for her creative impulse. Make a scissor rule (scissors only cut paper), a crayon rule, etc. Don't tell her the million things to not do, just give her 1 or 2 things to do.

And maybe "only change your craft stuff."

For now a lot of her craft things might need to be off limits temporarily. Kids can't learn rules when presented with top many options, and are usually more creative with fewer anyway. Maybe you explain she is going to have limits for awhile because she's not following rules for being creative... For now at craft time she gets to pick 3 things, you give the rule for each thing, you remind her she can start having more things at each craft session when she follows the rules for awhile.

Then when she goes outside the boundaries, you explain she didn't follow the rules... Scissors are for paper, we don't make changes to the house or furniture... So, it's so sad but now the offending craft implement is in "time out" for a few days, or she only gets 2 items at craft time, etc. That certain privileges only come with certain responsibility is normal life, not an abstract tit for tat punishment or consequence.

I wouldn't put her under 24 hour surveillance, that seems it'd just make you both extra irritated. Focus on teaching her that you want her to follow her creative impulse, within acceptable boundaries, should bring a lot of rewards.
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Old 09-05-2012, 05:46 PM   #16
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

She went to school today. Made a crown. Came home and built a bird house out of some cardboard boxes and a plastic pop bottle she found in the recycle bin....its now hanging (with 10 or so other creations she's made) in the pine tree in our backyard. Then she made me a picture, sealed it in a box, wrapped it with tape and a bow, and presented it to me for my "birthday" (which is 2 weeks from now). She's supposed to be sleeping now but I hear her up there out of bed and know she's probably onto the next project. As of now, no destruction though

She is super creative.


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Old 09-05-2012, 05:47 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momofdestructobaby
She went to school today. Made a crown. Came home and built a bird house out of some cardboard boxes and a plastic pop bottle she found in the recycle bin....its now hanging (with 10 or so other creations she's made) in the pine tree in our backyard. Then she made me a picture, sealed it in a box, wrapped it with tape and a bow, and presented it to me for my "birthday" (which is 2 weeks from now). She's supposed to be sleeping now but I hear her up there out of bed and know she's probably onto the next project. As of now, no destruction though

She is super creative.
Napping at that age is probably few and far between. So I'd assume she's always going to
Play at nap.
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Old 09-05-2012, 06:28 PM   #18
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Re: WWYD if your 5 year old was purposly causing damage within the home?

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Napping at that age is probably few and far between. So I'd assume she's always going to
Play at nap.
Oh, its night here now. She's supposed to be in bed for the night (its 8:30pm), not nap
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Old 09-05-2012, 06:43 PM   #19
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Lol! Time change gets me every time!
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