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Old 09-17-2012, 07:10 PM   #31
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Re: Letting addicts around your kids

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Hmm, I understand the sentiment, but if we called 911 every time a drunk in our family fell asleep in a recliner then we would never get a holiday meal eaten. 3 of our family members simply do not ever go to sleep without alcohol and/or pills in their system. Calling the paramedics whenever we happened to see them do what they do every day anyway would just make us look vindictive and dramatic.

Falling asleep is different than being unconscious. When you hear of these young people dying, it is because they passed out and no one got them the medical treatment they needed to live. I wouldn't want to be around people who even go to sleep at family functions because they are drunk/high. I def. wouldn't allow my daughter to be exposed to it on a reg. basis. I have a lot of alcoholism in my family and I can't stand it.

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Old 09-17-2012, 07:54 PM   #32
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Re: Letting addicts around your kids

Ok, to be honest.....I would say easily no contact when they are using, whatever it may be. If they are super heavy drinkers and drink to get drunk then they wouldn't be able to drink anything. Dh and I drink occasionally, a couple of beers when watching a football game or a couple of drinks at a friends house or if we have friends over here for dinner. But, none of us or them drink and get crazy out of control..obviously they are not addicts.

We don't have anyone in our immediate family that we see regularly that are addicts though. One of my uncle's is a drug addict, but we never see him. Dh's dad is an alchoholic, but the kids have only seen him once and that was for breakfast one morning. My sis in law's father is an alchoholic, but my kids don't ever see him. I'm not sure what she does when he comes over, she has 3 little one's. I'm pretty sure she doesn't let him drink at all when he is over and obviously he is never left alone with the kids.
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Old 09-17-2012, 07:57 PM   #33
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Re: Letting addicts around your kids

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Thanks! I love the newbie squishy face phase, hehe.

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Old 09-17-2012, 08:00 PM   #34
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Re: Letting addicts around your kids

I don't think anyone is saying they expose their kids to drug/alcohol addicts on a regular basis. Seems like most are saying during family gatherings.
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:29 PM   #35
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Re: Letting addicts around your kids

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Wtf @ smoke for a lower birth weight?! Sounds like a winner there

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Ya, I know. He ended up being born at 36 weeks weighing 6#2oz without me ever smoking. I just hate to think of how my pregnancy could have been affected had I not taken care of my self. She has said many things that make me go

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Old 09-17-2012, 09:14 PM   #36
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Re: Letting addicts around your kids

My parents are both pretty bad alcoholics, but they only drink in the evenings. I didn't have a problem with my mom spending time with DS during the day, but when it got to the point where she was having us pick him up at the bar or DS started to mention stuff about them acting funny...we put a stop to them spending much time together. Basically only when I was able to be there to supervise. There were times, like on holidays, where we would be around them when they were drunk. We just used that as a teaching moment with DS. He understood, even at a very young age, why they acted funny, talked weird, or smelled gross (alcohol breath). We just kept the interaction between them to a bare minimum. Eventually we moved to a different state in order to get away from them, for many different reasons, but it was just a toxic relationship all around. We see them a couple times a year now.
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:54 PM   #37
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DH has immediate family members with addictions. I told him during my first pregnancy that they wouldn't go near my baby. I also explained that the nearest methadone clinic was 30 minutes away and did he really want to spend his paternity leave chauffeuring them to and from. When they asked about visiting, DH told them "DS is due in March, that gives you 4 months to get sober". DS1 is 5.5yo now and they've never met him or our younger two. They're not prohibited from visiting, they just know we expect sobriety and they've chosen their lifestyle over seeing our kids.

DH grew up in that environment and can spot it a mile away. He has family members that we do visit with and we don't stay long if he can tell they're high. We both have family members and good friends who drink to excess and its the same thing. He's made it known that anyone offering a drink to our kids will regret it. He's also honest with DS1 about what killed certain family members.

We don't hide it. We use the opportunity to show DS1 what drugs can do to a person. We also don't leave our kids unsupervised with ANYONE who has any kind of drug or alcohol problem.
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Old 09-18-2012, 12:14 AM   #38
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While I do know that my brother has a drinking problem, I havent spent enough time around him (or anyone with an addiction) to know the signs that they're high. Would anyone be open to sharing what signs you see? Is it an altered personality? Just a "feeling" you get? Just curious.
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Old 09-18-2012, 05:34 AM   #39
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Re: Letting addicts around your kids

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Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon View Post
While I do know that my brother has a drinking problem, I havent spent enough time around him (or anyone with an addiction) to know the signs that they're high. Would anyone be open to sharing what signs you see? Is it an altered personality? Just a "feeling" you get? Just curious.
I'm sure it depends on the drug and the person. My sister is an addict (heroin most recently but she has cycled through several different drugs over the last 10 years). But when actually high she tends to be very hyper, unable to stand still, fidgety, she talks a lot but never to us and the things she says bounce around from topic to topic. Then she suddenly just crashes. One minute she is up running around and the next she falls asleep in the middle of a sentence. But there are also signs that she is using and not clean (at the moment she is clean because she is trying to keep her kids and dss is involved). But when not clean she is moody, irrational, fidgety, she is on the phone and will randomly have to run out to "pick something up" she starts to look dirty, doesn't shower, wears long sleeves (to hide track marks), and loses weight. When her drug of choice was prescription drugs she was mostly just tired all the time, very mellow. When she used cocaine signs were pretty similar to the heroin.

As for original question we limit and my kids are never allowed around her when I'm not with them which sucks since she lives with my parents so they can never babysit anymore. If she showsup high we leave ASAP but if I can tell she is not currently high then I'm ok with my kids seeing her in limited and very supervised settings. I've lived with her addiction for the last 10 years and I know she isn't dangerous or violent and I want my children to know what addiction does to you. My oldest is almost 6 and knows that "auntie crashed her car 3 times because she does drugs" or that she can't be alone with her own kids because she did drugs. She has seen the consequences and we talk about it a lot. She sees that my younger sister and I have houses, husbands and that we are loving caring parents to our kids but my addict sisters kids are being raised by my parents. I want my kids growing up seeing that the choices she made at 14 years old doing what she though was just harmless teenage fun have led her to the point she is now.
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Old 09-18-2012, 08:16 AM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon
While I do know that my brother has a drinking problem, I havent spent enough time around him (or anyone with an addiction) to know the signs that they're high. Would anyone be open to sharing what signs you see? Is it an altered personality? Just a "feeling" you get? Just curious.
to echo the PP, the thing I notice most in people currently under the influence is being strangely tired/falling asleep and either being very moody and defensive or just not able to engage at all. someone in my fam was strung out on pain killers on Christmas and had to have her older daughter wrap gifts for the younger one because she kept falling asleep, then when the younger daughter opened the gifts her mom just couldn't muster real interest, it was clearly fake and she was obviously distracted. Last night our guest was extremely drunk and my hubby wad trying to explain why we don't want or baby to wake up, and guest got defensive and claimed we were judging him.

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