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Old 09-18-2012, 06:36 PM   #1
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Help needed with DS...regarding hitting and anger

DS will be 2.5 next month. For the most part he's a GREAT kid. BUT, he keeps throwing and hitting when he's mad and doesn't get his way. We are both fed up.
We don't spank nor will be flick etc.
We've tried redirection, telling him in a normal voice to not throw/hit just because he's mad, we've taken the toys away when he throws them, we've told him in a stern voice we don't hit/throw when he's mad and I think there is more that we've tried.

Please help.


Mama to Caiden the monkey 4/25/10

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Old 09-18-2012, 06:42 PM   #2
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Re: Help needed with DS...regarding hitting and anger

DD does this. She's always had a temper

Usually, I make her pick up whatever she's thrown. And then I tell her we don't throw our toys (or whatever). And when she hits, I grab her hand and tell her we don't hit.

I think it's a process. I think they're like 3 before they have proper impulse control and even then they're kids.

I personally just think you have to keep going at it and be consistent.

DD isn't very verbal yet, but I tell her 'I know you're upset, but you have to be patient (or whatever the situation is calling for)', etc. If she throws more of a tantrum, I look away and wait until she's done. I've found, with her, unless she can see me ignoring her tantrum, she doesn't understand that she's being ignored. And if she doesn't think she's being ignored, she continues. When she's done, I say 'are you done?' to indicate to her that it's a choice she's making.

but I don't know anything to do other than be consistent. She's almost 2 and is already in this phase.
SAHM to Magnolia May (09/10), Luke Russett (04/13) and expecting 11/16. Wife and best friend to my airman.
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Old 09-18-2012, 06:50 PM   #3
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Re: Help needed with DS...regarding hitting and anger

We do a toy time out for any toys that get thrown. You throw it, you don't get to play with it for the rest of the day. That usually makes an impression.

At this age, I would try to avoid saying "don't do xyz" or "no xyz". It is hard for little kids to hear those negatives before the verbs. We try to use positive what-to-do language like "use gentle hands" or "set it down nicely". We also work a LOT on catching them in the behavior we want to see and bringing it to their attention. If they are playing nicely say "I love how you are using your gentle hands!" or "You did such a good job setting that toy down nicely." We practice gentle hands and gentle touch when the kids are in a good mood.

Like the previous poster, I also ignore tantrums and then give a lot of attention (positive attention!) once the tantrum is over and the child is behaving nicely.
Jamie, SAHM to Rosemary 5/08 and Faye 9/10
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Old 09-18-2012, 08:10 PM   #4
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DS has been having a hard time controlling his temper recently, so I totally get how frustrating it is. Like PP I think consistency is key, as well as modeling the behavior you want them to emulate. For DS, we stop him from hitting whenever possible, and toys that are thrown get taken away for a short time after one warning. We try to use positive language (e.g. Gentle touches), and when DS is really having a hard time with it, we do a mommy/care provider time out, where we sit with him by himself (and hold him if necessary). He has been hitting much less the past few weeks, but it took many weeks of working with him to get through it.
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