Balancing your needs with the needs of an intense baby

[Miss squish]

It sounds like some of these babies mellow out earlier than some.........I guess all I really need to look forward to is some personal space on occasion. My nephew was like my ds and it took him until he was almost 10 years (he will be 11 in a couple weeks) to mellow a little. He has some different sensory needs and it has taken a very long time to fuly identify those and for him to be old enough to recognize and respond to those needs without adult intervention. So I was prepared for that, but it's nice to hear it could be sooner.

I think part of the trouble maybe is dh doesn't spend much time with him other than the evening, which is when ds is the grumpiest and I'm trying to make dinner clean up etc and can't think when he's crying so I usually 'rescue' them. Bad habit. Dh works less in the winter, he just takes less business then due to the weather slowing him down, so I'm hoping when he can be home with him more he will observe successful techniques and have time to find his own as well.

Dh (well we can just call him that it's easier ) and I talked again last night after 45 min of ds screaming in the car when we got stuck in traffic. Which then made the rest of ds's afternoon and evening absolutely miserable. I have been going to a post natal yoga class, and ds comes with me. They have extra people to hold unhappy babies and ds is usually held as long as there is no one else sounding off, but in fuller classes that means I usually miss out on a lot of the practice. Dh is going to take ds to some antique car show () while I go to yoga alone. I hope it helps for at least a few days for me to have had that time.

Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange It's one thing to leave a 4.5 month old baby crying in a room by themselves. It's a completely other thing to leave them crying in the arms of someone who loves them. They will survive that. They will not be traumatized. Atleast with daddy.. auntie who loves them might not work as well or might work better! As someone who has had to swaddle and hold a screaming, crying infant, baby, toddler... even momma sometimes can't calm them down and all you can do is hold them. Think of babies with colic - they scream for hours in the arms of the people who love them and they turn out fine (DH was a colic baby and is quite cuddly and well adjusted). and you don't sound lame. You sound concerned. Which is the hallmark of a parent who is trying to be a good parent.

This. I know this is true. Thank you for reminding.

I will check out other recommended books for sleep. I have started to read the healthy sleep habits book but I always fall asleep before I get very far

Thank you all wonderful mamas for your suggestions and understanding

[umphreysmommy]

I will probably get flamed but for my kids I don't have any needs the first say 2 years of their lives. They don't do sleepovers, babysat, etc. babies under 1 are always with me except for shower or bathroom. I also believe a strong attachment is important and no I am not sheltering my kids in anyway. We are out everyday visiting people, going to the park, etc. my older daughter is now almost 3 and the most independent and happy child and was an extreme hi needs baby, she was constantly nursing, never had a bottle, binky or any other comfort items. We slept together and sometimes it was exhausting but it was my choice to bring babies into the world and IMO they don't understand why mom is not around to take care of them. For me the only source of my older daughters discontent was being put down alone so I just stayed with her. Lots of baby wearing, floortime, and just having her with the group. We took naps on me until she was about 18 months, thank god she was my first!

[SaraElise]

nm

Do what's best for your mental health, it does not benefit your child to be so stressed out and and exhausted you get to the point of resenting being around them.

I am very much an attachment parent (because it works best for us) but there are times you need a little break to do normal things without a crying baby who requires your constant 100% attention.

Crying with another responsible person for a short amount of time will not harm your child.

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by SaraElise nm Do what's best for your mental health, it does not benefit your child to be so stressed out and and exhausted you get to the point of resenting being around them. I am very much an attachment parent (because it works best for us) but there are times you need a little break to do normal things without a crying baby who requires your constant 100% attention. Crying with another responsible person for a short amount of time will not harm your child.

exactly.

It's nice that it fits some people's personality to do otherwise.

but happy momma will eventually equal happy baby. You have to do what's right for your family and not worry about other people who choose to go a different route.

[Miss squish]

Originally Posted by umphreysmommy I will probably get flamed but for my kids I don't have any needs the first say 2 years of their lives. They don't do sleepovers, babysat, etc. babies under 1 are always with me except for shower or bathroom. I also believe a strong attachment is important and no I am not sheltering my kids in anyway. We are out everyday visiting people, going to the park, etc. my older daughter is now almost 3 and the most independent and happy child and was an extreme hi needs baby, she was constantly nursing, never had a bottle, binky or any other comfort items. We slept together and sometimes it was exhausting but it was my choice to bring babies into the world and IMO they don't understand why mom is not around to take care of them. For me the only source of my older daughters discontent was being put down alone so I just stayed with her. Lots of baby wearing, floortime, and just having her with the group. We took naps on me until she was about 18 months, thank god she was my first!

I wouldn't flame you I just disagree. I'm glad that worked for you and your family but I can't do it. I have to find more of a balance.