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Old 09-22-2012, 02:58 PM   #21
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Re: Does anyone else feel like they are being shamed into weaning?

Let me just say if you do wean for other people you will regret it. I was pushed to wean my oldest when he was 2.5 I had been tandem nursing he and my second son for months and one day my dad said something to me that really bothered me (my oldest was nonverbal at this time due to vaccine reactions, he had been talking lots before his 1 year vaccines) and he said "of course hes not going to talk if he still has a boob in his mouth" it really got to me and not knowing better and desperate to try anything to get my boy talking to me again, I thought hey maybe he is right. So I pushed him to wean, he was only nursing 2-3x a day. I to this day regret that desicion and he is 13 years old lol. And guess what he didn't talk cause I weaned him (duh), he didn't talk til he was 3.5. So long story short don't do it to make others happy.


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Last edited by marliah; 09-22-2012 at 03:05 PM.
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Old 09-22-2012, 03:39 PM   #22
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Re: Does anyone else feel like they are being shamed into weaning?

How hard! It sounds like you have tried to let her know how you feel but have you told her how it is affecting your relationship with her? I have found that straight out honesty does go a long way "you know mom when you give me a hard time about breastfeeding it makes me not want to call you as much and is really changing our relationship. I value you but you are shaming me and I am not going to make parenting decisions based on shame. This works for us and I am not asking you do breastfeed him so can you just leave it alone!" I have had similar conversations before about other topics and in general laying the boundary down does a world of good. If she is not going to value your relationship enough to keep her mouth shut you deserve to know that. I am sorry you are going through it, no fun not to feel supported
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Old 09-25-2012, 10:43 PM   #23
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Re: Does anyone else feel like they are being shamed into weaning?

Originally Posted by iwiamandaiwi View Post
Seriously everyone in my life acts like I should be ashamed of myself for the fact that my son is still nursing a couple times a day. They make me feel like I am some sort of freak and I am abusing my child because I chose to nurse past 6 months ;( Even my husband voices his opinion on this. I wish that I had friends and family that understood why I choose to let my son self wean. I mean he is only 18m old for God's sake, it's not like I am nursing a 12yo or something! I think it is an unnecessary cruelty to force my son to wean when he is not ready. He may not NEED to nurse at this point but it is an huge emotional comfort for him and I just don't see any reason to suddenly yank that away from him. I was talking to my mom yesterday and I happened to mention something about the fact that my son nursed and she went into this big rant about how I was going to mess p my son and I probably already had ;( Even though I know that she is wrong it made me feel HORRIBLE! It's one thing to give your opinion but to constantly harass someone for their parenting choices is so cruel, especially when it is your own daughter. FOr the record, my MIL and step mom feel the same but they don't harass me about it. They just say something about it being weird whenever the topic comes up. I think that my husband only had his opinion against it because of his mom. I am just at a loss here, I mean you would think that the women in your life would be the most supportive and understanding. Is it like a generational thing? Did their generation think bfing was bad I just don't understand and I mean really you don't have to be cruel about it and tell me that I am harming my son ;( I am pregnant now and my son still nurses a few times a day. I am hoping that he self weans by the time the new baby arrives because it will seriously break my hear tif I have to force him to wean and then the poor guy would have to see me nursing the new baby and I feel like that would make him feel unloved and pushed to the side. It is going to be really hard for me and I just wish that I had family and friends who supported me and not people who think I am some gross freak for nursing my child at all ;(
yep, probably. These women were probably having babies in the 70s and 80s when women were burning their bras. just ignore them. their mothers were probably saying they were weird and child abusers for using bottles!
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:22 PM   #24
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Re: Does anyone else feel like they are being shamed into weaning?

Yep, once DS1 turned 1 I got some major comments. I stopped at 18 months due to that. This time, I want to nurse until 2 minimum.
K&K My little firecracker Lennon 10.09, crying before he fully emerged and My little sweetheart Indi 6.12, born smiling
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Old 09-26-2012, 04:59 AM   #25
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I hear about it all the time at work. My dd is 8 mo and I work full time which means lots of pumping for me. All my coworkers constantly tell me to quit and point out often how weird it is that I still breastfeed even though she had teeth. It makes me so sad to think about stopping.
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Old 09-26-2012, 07:54 AM   #26
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My mom is the same way. When dd1 was 4 mo old she said ain't it about time to get her off that tit. I said no mom I will nurse for at least a year. My mil called ss with dd1 and said I was starving her. I had a nurse at my house 4 times a week to weigh before an after to make sure I was feeding her. She had gain issues and a stupid ped who had me supplement and she was lactose intolerant that's why she wasn't gaining well.
Dd2 I was determined she has no bottles at all of nothing my mom and mil hated it. Mil wants them to have bottles so she can feed. She nursed till 14mo.
Ds3 bby is 7mo old and my other youngest child is 9 now. My mom came over the other day with my sd. Unannounced and sat down (they woke bby up) he wanted to nurse so I got my lol blanket and my mom said you ready to go. And after 5 min left. I could tell my sd was uncomfortable about her leaving so soon. Then she says to me in the phone her negibour daughter is nursing. She was all happy it makes me so mad. You just have to push through it and decide what's best for you and bby!!!
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Old 09-26-2012, 08:30 AM   #27
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Re: Does anyone else feel like they are being shamed into weaning?

Thanks ladies. The next time the subject comes up I think I am going to tell her that it is my decision and I don't need or want her opinion on it. And that if she won't let it go then I will not be calling her anymore. Same for anyone else who thinks I need their negative opinions.
Breastfeeding , Cloth Diapering, Babywearing Mommy, to Dylan Michael (September 2007) Aiden Edward (March 2011) and anxiously waiting for Katherine Sophia due in MAY!
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Old 09-26-2012, 09:20 AM   #28
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Re: Does anyone else feel like they are being shamed into weaning?

I'm sure you know we will support you here! Sometimes, you just need that validation from people who agree with you. I'm sorry you are having to deal with so many negative people.
Fortunately, I never had a lot of bad comments or anything to put up with. I let my babies self-wean, which was 17 months, 13 months , and then 30 months for my 3rd. I kind of helped with that last one, because I was feeling so exhausted and like I just couldn't keep it up. My daughter didn't really need it, it was just the routine and comfort of it. So, we made some new routines. We'll see how long #4 goes. I hope at least 18 months.
I remember one fun experience when my brother-in-law found out I was still nursing my DD at 2-ish (don't remember her exact age). He said, "Wow, I thought it was great when [his wife, my sister] made it 6 months!" and he just had this look of total awe.
Keep up the good work, Mama!
Wife to the best DH since 1997. CDing BFing Mama to #1DS 7/2002 #2DS 10/2004 #3DD 12/2006 and #4DS 5/2012. Missing my angel 2010
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