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Old 10-03-2012, 12:40 PM   #11
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Re: Am I asking too much?

to answer your question- no, you are not asking too much. I make my 2 yr old clean up his stuff several times a day.

I like your idea of only structured art time until she can remember. you can do that with anything she forgets.

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Old 10-03-2012, 12:48 PM   #12
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Re: Am I asking too much?

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Originally Posted by SaraElise View Post
My 5 year old son doesn't have the maturity (not quite the word I am looking for, but I hope you get the point) to remember to pick things up the second he is done with them.

As others mentioned, it's like he is so excited by the next thing whatever it happens to be, that he stops what he is doing and moves on not even remembering that he was supposed to do something else first.

Secondly, it takes about 28 times to makes something a habit. So if she is used to just stopping what she is doing and moving on, that is her habit. To form a new one is going to take 28 times of doing it the right way.

I would say something the second she finishes about cleaning up, and catch her before she moves on to something else. It can take a while, but that helps her form her new habit.

I doubt she even knows she is doing this until you mention it to her.
This is a great suggestion. I will certainly try that...
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Old 10-03-2012, 12:50 PM   #13
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Re: Am I asking too much?

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Also, it seems you are a lot like me, in the sense that I KNOW what I need to do (ie throw it away cause I said I would) but it breaks my heart to do it, and I hate the stress and fit that come along with it.

There's nothing wrong with telling your kid that. I tell mine, "I really hate doing this! I really wish you would have just picked them up when I asked you so I didn't have to throw them away! I really hope you will listen next time because this makes ME sad, too!"

Probably not something everyone agrees with, but I do it.
Yes that is me to a T. I feel guilty throwing away a 4$ box of new markers and the tantrum. UGH...
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Old 10-03-2012, 01:05 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by clothdiapercrunchy

And you know, I know that. She doesnt take me seriously because I make idle threats. Im just tired of the same stuff over and over and have tried so many different consequences and nothing works and Im just so frustrated. We are going to put them away for the day and revisit them when she is able to follow the rules.
Follow through and you wont have to go through the same stuff over and over. You say youll throw them out, do it. After a time or 2 she'll do xyz b/c she knows mama means bussiness. Well it may take longer since you acknowledge you make empty threats but if you actually do what you say youre going to do she will start to believe you.

Eta-and Im with you. Id have a really hard time bringing myself to throw prefectly good markers out-but would b/c i said I would. I have worked really hard to think about an action that wont hurt me before I actually open my mouth

I do not think your asking to much of her at all. I reminded dd2(right before her 5th bday this summer) to cap her markers several times over a month or so and then-without warning-stopped, she left them uncapped again, they dried out, i said 'thats why you have to put caps back on', crying fit followed, I told her once she had enough money she could buy some more but I wasnt going to get her more b/c she didnt follow directions with the ones I bought and ruined them. The next time she wanted markers she did extra chores and bought them herself. We had a chat about how she needs to take care of her things b/c mama and daddy work hard for her to have fun things to do/play with-just like she had to work hard to buy her own markers. And if she doesnt respect her things, mom and dad wont be replacing them. Those markers always have lids on them now. This wk she got her 2nd-and last- reminder to cap her glue stick so it doesnt dry out. We'll see if she applies her marker lesson or if she'll need a reminder that mama aint playen.
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Old 10-03-2012, 01:14 PM   #15
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Re: Am I asking too much?

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Follow through and you wont have to go through the same stuff over and over. You say youll throw them out, do it. After a time or 2 she'll do xyz b/c she knows mama means bussiness. Well it may take longer since you acknowledge you make empty threats but if you actually do what you say youre going to do she will start to believe you.

I do not think your asking to much of her at all. I reminded dd2(right before her 5th bday this summer) to cap her markers several times over a month or so and then-without warning-stopped, she left them uncapped again, they dried out, i said 'thats why you have to put caps back on', crying fit followed, I told her once she had enough money she could buy some more but I wasnt going to get her more b/c she didnt follow directions with the ones I bought and ruined them. The next time she wanted markers she did extra chores and bought them herself. We had a chat about how she needs to take care of her things b/c mama and daddy work hard for her to have fun things to do/play with-just like she had to work hard to buy her own markers. And if she doesnt respect her things, mom and dad wont be replacing them. Those markers always have lids on them now. This wk she got her 2nd-and last- reminder to cap her glue stick so it doesnt dry out. We'll see if she applies her marker lesson or if she'll need a reminder that mama aint playen.
ITA! Asking a 5 year old to clean up after herself is not asking to much. She should put the caps back on her markers and put them away every single time she uses them. She should put her toys away, if not when she is done playing with them then at least at the end of each day. Both of my boys do and have since they were small, this includes my oldest who has ASD and my youngest who is bipolar. They do it because they know they have to and they know there are consequences if they don't. When you tell a child "I will throw your markers away if you don't clean them up" and then don't follow through all you are teaching her is that she gets many warnings and chances and if she throws a big enough fit she will ultimately get her way. I understand not wanting to throw away new markers, but if you aren't willing to do something then don't say you are going to do it. Eventually if she keeps leaving the markers out they are going to dry out or someone will trip on them and break them. What I would do is tell her once "when we are done with our markers we clean them up" like you did at the begining of the day. I might even let her know that if the markers don't get cleaned up they will go away. I have a special bin with a sign that says "Uh Oh Mommy had to clean up your toys. Don't worry you can earn them back by helping Mommy." It has a frowning smilie face on it. All toys that are left out at the end of the day in the playroom go into the bin and the bin goes on a high shelf. For toys to return the child who did not clean up has to do chores for me (and not their normal chores either, extra chores). It is incredibly rare for one of my kids to go to bed with the playroom messy or even with a few toys still out. They know the rules and they know I mean business.
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Old 10-03-2012, 01:34 PM   #16
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Re: Am I asking too much?

Maybe it would help get the job done more quickly & easily if you start smaller with cap needs to be replaced every time you use a marker (so before you go on to a new marker, the cap from the last one needs to be replaced). Once she is in that habit (and you may need to be on her to help her build it at first), then scooping them all up into a bin/pencil case isn't such a big deal when she wants to move on to something new. Plus, then even if she forgets, at least the good markers are getting dried out and you can simply put them away for the day/24hrs since they weren't taken care of.
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Old 10-03-2012, 01:38 PM   #17
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Re: Am I asking too much?

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I dont think this is too much to expect but really, probably the only thing she learned from this whole scenario is that mommy gives multiple chances and even if she says something, I can throw a fit and might get what I want anyway. You should have thrown the markers away like you said you would....otherwise dont even say it. I would give the markers a timeout for the rest of the day if she cant take care of them only because I wouldnt throw away perfectly good markers. There has to be some sort of consequence. In this case she colored and left stuff everywhere and really didnt get a consequence, right?
this was my first thought.

there was never a consequence for not doing it.
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Old 10-03-2012, 02:30 PM   #18
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Re: Am I asking too much?

We threw out all markers last year for this very thing (well, and writting on the walls). When markers were given for Christmas they only last a couple months and they got thrown out as well. We bought some for the beginning of the school year and while we still have this problem (with my 3.5 yo) my 5 yo KNOWS they are supposed to be capped and put away, and he knows they will seriously be thrown out if not, and he doesn't want that to happen. So he's got it now, he'll put them up.

With my 3.5 I just remind as many times as it takes and praise and encourage when she does it. Try to associate good thoughts and appreciation with the fact that she's being reponsible for her stuff.
So I see 3 options. Try to positively reinforce the cleaning up to teach her responsibility, or if she's being careless give a warning and they're gone at the next offense, or put them up where she can't get them/doesn't know where they are and has to ask you for them.

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Old 10-03-2012, 03:11 PM   #19
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Re: Am I asking too much?

hey - just a thought....at my kids pre-school they have a board and the caps are glued into holes on the board...then all the makers get put back on the caps cause it is kind of "obvious" with something like that sitting right there

here is a picture of one in plaster of paris - which would be even easier
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Old 10-03-2012, 06:17 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by ohgirlohboyohno
hey - just a thought....at my kids pre-school they have a board and the caps are glued into holes on the board...then all the makers get put back on the caps cause it is kind of "obvious" with something like that sitting right there

here is a picture of one in plaster of paris - which would be even easier
That looks super fun! That would definitely work for my son, too.
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