Just need to vent....it's another spanking thread

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by leyash I don't think it's spanking or not spanking that has kids these days acting the way that they do. I think it's a lack of discipline, period. I can't tell you how many kids go to my kids' school that are so unruly, it's INSANE. Their parents will stand right there and WATCH them act out, and not even reprimand them. The kid gets away with it, and they push the line a little further the next time. All I'm gonna say, is that when my kid is 20 years old, breaking into your car, stealing your stuff, you're going to WISH I would have spanked his little tail. That's all. I think a lot of other parents need to have that mindset. We don't discipline because we ENJOY it, we discipline because it's our JOB as a parent. Disclaimer: Again, not saying that spanking is the ONLY form of discipline. I just think parents need to discipline their kids more, when necessary, how they see fit. Not IGNORE their children and let them do what they want, for fear of hurting their feelings, or someone else's.

EXACTLY.

My cousin's excuse for not disciplining her kid, ever (like, actually EVER - the kid HITS adults and takes their food from them, then eats it in front of them, while glaring at them... I could go on. He's quite a peach)... is... word for word.... "I don't want to hurt his feelings and upset him, then he might not like me."

I don't care if you do time out, if you take away toys, if you make your kids write sentences, if you make your kid wash your car, or if you spank your kid's toosh. Just please, for the love of goodness, DO SOMETHING!

Consistent discipline is really a necessary evil. It doesn't matter HOW you do it, but you MUST do it. If you don't do it now, you WILL pay for it later.

[leyash]

Originally Posted by Kiliki EXACTLY. My cousin's excuse for not disciplining her kid, ever (like, actually EVER - the kid HITS adults and takes their food from them, then eats it in front of them, while glaring at them... I could go on. He's quite a peach)... is... word for word.... "I don't want to hurt his feelings and upset him, then he might not like me." I don't care if you do time out, if you take away toys, if you make your kids write sentences, if you make your kid wash your car, or if you spank your kid's toosh. Just please, for the love of goodness, DO SOMETHING! Consistent discipline is really a necessary evil. It doesn't matter HOW you do it, but you MUST do it. If you don't do it now, you WILL pay for it later.

A lot of parents don't realize, that a child can't be criminally charged with anything until a certain age (some States say 10, some say 12). Either way, SOMEONE has to take the punishment for it. So, who is it going to be? The parents.

So, fine... don't discipline your kids (general you, not YOU), but when you are paying wads of money for things your kid broke, or hurts someone... just be prepared. It's your butt, not theirs.

[JennTheMomma]

I'm a non-spanker and I hate that argument as well. Non-spanking does not mean no discipline. My kids have consequences, they just aren't violent (yes I believe spanking, smacking, tapping, popping, etc are violent forms of punishment. Some more so than others).

I also dont' think kids today are any different then they were previously, nor do I think there is a lack of discipline. I read an interesting article that said that every generation says the exact same things about "kids these days" or "parents these days", and that they are normally the same, you just have a different view when you're an adult as opposed to when you were a kid.

My children are happy, healthy, respectful and independent and I've been able to do that without spanking of any sort and not yelling either. It's completely 100% possible.

[juliasmom]

I don't spank either and my parents didn't spank me or my 3 sisters. I discipline primarily by positive reinforcement, time outs and talking it out. I will never say I would NEVER spank any child of mine, because I believe you have to discipline in an effective way and if all else failed I would spank. However, I do think the gentlest, effective form of discipline is the best. I am truly disturbed when parents spank in anger and anyone who refers to it as "beating his/her a$$"...that makes my skin crawl. I have friends who spank and do so with a loving heart...I don't judge them for it.

ETA: Discipline shows in the manners and conscious of the child, so I let that speak for itself.

[Fairycat]

Originally Posted by JennTheMomma I'm a non-spanker and I hate that argument as well. Non-spanking does not mean no discipline. My kids have consequences, they just aren't violent (yes I believe spanking, smacking, tapping, popping, etc are violent forms of punishment. Some more so than others). I also dont' think kids today are any different then they were previously, nor do I think there is a lack of discipline. I read an interesting article that said that every generation says the exact same things about "kids these days" or "parents these days", and that they are normally the same, you just have a different view when you're an adult as opposed to when you were a kid. My children are happy, healthy, respectful and independent and I've been able to do that without spanking of any sort and not yelling either. It's completely 100% possible.

I almost completely agree with you 100%, the only disagreement is one previous poster mentioned 20 year olds having issues in the work place and moving back home, there is some truth to this. But the truth lies less in parenting and instead revolves around the culture as a whole, the tie in schools of "everyone is a winner" and "your special" type lessons that created a country of kids with the best self esteem of any other country, but
a lack of work ethic, and a belief they are so special, jobs should fight for them. I know
many people including myself who saw this in hiring postitions, but it's not all 20 year olds and I doubt it matters if they were spanked.

We don't spank I have never seen it work. The friends I had who were spanked tended to be sneakier and tended to talk to their parentsor trusted adults less when it mattered. I also love two of my friends teenagers so much! I have know both of these kids families since they were small. Neither family spanked and they are the kids I hope my kid grows up to be. So I get parenting advice from them. The teens of another few families who did not grow up so nice or together, one has a screamer for a parent and a very rare spanker, the others total spankers for parents, so don't taje discipline advice from them. Overall I do what works for us and seek help from those who have gone before me.

My nook hates me.

[happysmileylady]

I almost completely agree with you 100%, the only disagreement is one previous poster mentioned 20 year olds having issues in the work place and moving back home, there is some truth to this. But the truth lies less in parenting and instead revolves around the culture as a whole, the tie in schools of "everyone is a winner" and "your special" type lessons that created a country of kids with the best self esteem of any other country, but a lack of work ethic, and a belief they are so special, jobs should fight for them. I know many people including myself who saw this in hiring postitions, but it's not all 20 year olds and I doubt it matters if they were spanked.

I totally agree with this. I do believe it's an overall cultural thing of just what I think a previous poster mentioned..."I don't want to hurt his feelings. "

[jen_batten]

I am a spanker. I agree with the OP that it should be a choice and no one should push either tactic on the other parent. But much like OP gets tired of people pushing spanking, I get tired of people complaining about spanking and about spankers.

[leyash]

All of you that are saying kids aren't different these days...

How else do you explain the AMAZING rise in crime over the last 20 years? Crime rates are higher among 12-17 year olds than they EVER have been in the past.

[leyash]

Originally Posted by juliasmom I don't spank either and my parents didn't spank me or my 3 sisters. I discipline primarily by positive reinforcement, time outs and talking it out. I will never say I would NEVER spank any child of mine, because I believe you have to discipline in an effective way and if all else failed I would spank. However, I do think the gentlest, effective form of discipline is the best. I am truly disturbed when parents spank in anger and anyone who refers to it as "beating his/her a$$"...that makes my skin crawl. I have friends who spank and do so with a loving heart...I don't judge them for it. ETA: Discipline shows in the manners and conscious of the child, so I let that speak for itself.

I have to agree with this statement, wholeheartedly.

I have "friends" that say things like this, and it infuriates me. Do they think that I beat my children's a$$es as well? If that's what they call it, then that's obviously what they think I do...

When someone says they beat their a$$, it makes me think of two grown men fighting in parking lot, hitting in the face and everything else.

[happysmileylady]

Originally Posted by leyash All of you that are saying kids aren't different these days... How else do you explain the AMAZING rise in crime over the last 20 years? Crime rates are higher among 12-17 year olds than they EVER have been in the past.

Well first I don't believe that crime rates are ACTUALLY higher among teens, only that they are tracked and reported differently.

But also when talking about spanking, I wouldn't consider 12 to 17 to be KIDS, but TEENS.