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Old 10-04-2012, 12:36 PM   #11
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Re: Need to vent about my mother.

GL with the talk. I hope it goes well and she seesor can understand how you feel.

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Old 10-04-2012, 12:46 PM   #12
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I would have some pregnancy announcements printed up and I would mail them to all of your family members instead of going through your mother to have her spread the word, since that obviously isn't going to work out well.
Have someone take a picture of you holding a sign with the due date written on it or something cute. Show them how happy you are and how wanted this child is by your happiness. Dont let your mother ruin this special time with her insecurities.

There is absolutely no reason to hide and no reason to let your mother force you to hide by not telling your family members.
Do EVERYTHING you would have done, had this been a "traditional" pregnancy.
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Old 10-04-2012, 01:50 PM   #13
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Blah... now my mom wants to "talk" tonight. Either we're going to end up having out or she'll actually tell me she doens't want me to annouce at Thanksgiving.

I suspect my sister or my father of telling her I'm upset with her... though sometimes with more time to think she comes to odd conclusions... like i don't want you to annouce... on her own.

I'm not even really angry I guess... just really disapointed.

Aside from this mess she still seems to think i have no idea what i'm getting in to and even went so far at one point to say... you know you can't give the baby back right. Gee no mom... i thought if it was tough I'd just call the stork up to take it away. And this from the woman who had 7 sleepers when i was born because she figured 1 a day was enough. I'm sure i do ahve some unrealisitic ideas about it all... but really what first time parent doesn't.
I would tell her you appreciate her input but you want to announce it, so you will. It's really not her choice.

As for the other comments, I understand her concern but that's not helpful or nice. This will be my 3rd, and I can tell you from experience that NOTHING truly prepares you for having your own baby. I don't know how I would've managed with DH, and 3 grandmas in town. But lots of people do. It's never what you expect, and a reasonable part of parenting is pulling your hair out trying to figure things out. But none of that means you're not 100% capable of handling it. You've thought this through and planned as best you can. You might tell her it would be nice for her to show some support and confidence in you.

That being said, some of our worst critics as parents are our own mothers. Go figure.
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:02 PM   #14
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Re: Need to vent about my mother.

I'm so sorry that she's being like this to you. Certainly you've done nothing wrong and I had the same plan if I was in your shoes. Life just took a different route when I met DH.

I would announce it. Subtly if you want. Either send out announcement cards or do a sweet Facebook thing or whatever would be most comfortable to you.

I also wouldn't worry about the timing. If you're not showing - no worries. Doesn't make you less pregnant and excited. If you're 6months before they find out, that's fine too. There's still 3 months and like 50 years for them to love your child.

I know it's important to you that your mother announce. but, if she's not going to, then just do it. I think I would personally make up professional announcements or something (this coming from the person who made her own wedding invitations, so I might not). Maybe get a cute shirt that says 'Mom club - joining April 2013' or something subtle. Or even a shirt with the size and location of the shape of the baby just on it. Plain blue shirt or something with a 3inch fetus down near the bottom. Take photos, send them out. So sweet.

but your baby deserves to be celebrated and you know they will. If not before, then certainly once the baby is here and cute and cuddly and all that. So, worst case scenario is just a few more months of awkwardness.

Anyways, sorry that you're going through this and hope you come up with a solution that works for you.

ETA: I don't think I even had 7 sleepers and we were all fine and fully clothed. I know that's totally besides the point - but do not get all into that 'I need 20 of everything' mode cause you don't. You really don't. Unless you just want to spend the cash, in which case - go crazy!
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:13 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by slyeates
Ddc

I would have some pregnancy announcements printed up and I would mail them to all of your family members instead of going through your mother to have her spread the word, since that obviously isn't going to work out well.
Have someone take a picture of you holding a sign with the due date written on it or something cute. Show them how happy you are and how wanted this child is by your happiness. Dont let your mother ruin this special time with her insecurities.

There is absolutely no reason to hide and no reason to let your mother force you to hide by not telling your family members.
Do EVERYTHING you would have done, had this been a "traditional" pregnancy.
I we going to suggest this. It does away with the immediate reactions so you don't have to hear that and your mom won't be there to show her disapproval.
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:29 PM   #16
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Re: Need to vent about my mother.

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Originally Posted by EmilytheStrange View Post
ETA: I don't think I even had 7 sleepers and we were all fine and fully clothed. I know that's totally besides the point - but do not get all into that 'I need 20 of everything' mode cause you don't. You really don't. Unless you just want to spend the cash, in which case - go crazy!
Lol... no the 7 sleepers was it... absolutely nothing else. Or so the story goes.

I've talked to my sister since earlier... she made me feel marginally better simply by pointing out all she's trying to do right now is adopt a new cat and she is apprently getting all sorts of negativity from our mom for that too. So it's probably more internal stuff on the part of our mother then really anything we're doing.

I also came up with posibility three... that she will have come around and offer to tell the family... but really the window for advanced notice is sort of over dinner is Saturday and she's unlikely to talk to my Aunt again before then. If I annouce at dinner... well that would have always been me. But like i said i would have prefered if people had had a heads up to let them get the stupid comments out of their system before i have to deal with them.

My sister did make me laugh with "well really what's mom planning to do... spring you and baby on them at the first family even after april... she's going to have to say SOMETHING."
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:45 PM   #17
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My sister did make me laugh with "well really what's mom planning to do... spring you and baby on them at the first family even after april... she's going to have to say SOMETHING."
it's true

I guess I just don't see why anyone would ever have snarky comments to make. If I announced at a family gathering, I would get smiles and love. I am sorry that your family is not accepting? that seems like the wrong word.

but seriously, I hope your conversation goes well with your mom. She can call your aunt (or whoever) and be like 'remind me what time?' or something equally lame and then slide it in there 'oh - I also wanted to tell you that DD is expecting a baby in April!'.

she CAN tell before this weekend. there won't be a lot of time for the grapevine.. but she certainly CAN.
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Old 10-04-2012, 06:19 PM   #18
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Re: Need to vent about my mother.

Crashing your DDC from the March group

All I can say is I would have made the SAME choice if I was in your shoes. Honestly, I never planned on marrying but I always planned on children. I watched each parent go through 3 marriages and all were horrible. I never wanted to do it. Little did I know I would marry a wonderful man at 21 Before that the plan was always to get my life started and be a single mom by choice from a fertility clinic. Your mom just has to realize that times have changed, you have done nothing wrong and you are a responsible person. I would side step her and tell everyone yourself. Maybe make a cute announcement card? Congrats mama!
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Old 10-04-2012, 07:15 PM   #19
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I hope the talk goes well!
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Old 10-05-2012, 07:59 AM   #20
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Re: Need to vent about my mother.

Geez. Its not her life and she should be excited about a grandbaby to snuggle. Good luck. Hope it alk turns out good!!!!
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