baby naps and toddler trouble- wdyd?

[bluedaisyma]

I have a 28 mo old and a 4 mo old. at 1st the baby slept through every thing, but now, as he is getting older, he deserves a few minutes of peace and quiet to fall asleep! He generally has 3-4 naps, 1 of which the toddler naps too. We co-sleep and he is amping up his naughty behavior lately. Just an example. If I am trying to get the baby to sleep and no one else is home, I will take them both upstairs (he won't stay, say, in front of the TV if I am not on the same floor with him) and he used to look at books quietly. Now, he will pinch me while I am nursing the baby (this is even when I am singing to him- the toddler- or offering to read books, etc), kiss the baby over and over (and getting more aggressive each time), sing really loud, kick the wall, shout, hit me, etc. Sometimes i stop nursing or rocking to deal with him, but then the baby starts screaming and I get so frustrated, like I feel like the baby doesn't ever get a minutes peace. I don't expect the toddler (or anyone in the house) to stay quiet the whole naptime or anything like that. Just for the few moments it takes to get him to sleep. He is used to sleeping through noise, but he is interested in stuff now, so the initial getting him to sleep needs to be relatively quiet. I mean we can read, or sing or watch TV, but getting kissed, kicked, pinched, etc....he can't sleep through that. Yesterday, I had it with the toddler and put him in the hall for like 3 minutes. It was for me to not scream something unkind and to cool off and let him know I mean business. Well, DH acted like I was the worst mom in the world bc " he could have been so upset and trying to break down the door, he could have then fallen down the stairs and broken his leg or something" (thanks for your support, a-hole). ANYWAY. Since we co-sleep, his room and the baby's room is one in the same. And if he had a room, would it be cruel to put him in it alone for a few minutes (I am obviously not a CIO person)? I mean, I could put him in the hall, or put him in one of his brothers' rooms....I feel that no matter what I try, until he can learn to not act out at those times, someone is gonna end up sobbing- most likely me- but I feel like the baby gets the short end of the stick every day with this nonsense.
My last resort idea (I just thought of it while typing, lol) is our library has these things called playviews and it's just like watching a movie on a phone (I don't have internet on my phone). They have a bunch of learning ones- sesame street, between the lions, etc and he has seen one. Maybe I can have some of those and he can watch them laying next to me while i take the few minutes to put the baby down? It could work for times I nurse him to sleep but other times, the baby falls asleep on me, I just need 2 minutes to run upstairs to lay him down. But then the toddler follows and wakes him up.
What do you do? Last time I had a 2 yr old and baby, I also had a 3 and 4 yr old so they just played together. Also, the baby ended up giving up naps early . Oh and even when someone is home, a lot of times, he still follows me and the people at home are useless :/
TIA!

[tesslouise]

I'm dealing with something similar...I have a 3-year-old and a 7-week-old and trying to pay attention to one at a time inevitably ticks off the other one.

Telling your toddler, "If you can't be gentle (quiet/respectful/whatever) with the baby, I will have to separate you" is absolutely reasonable and your husband's opinion is only relevant if he is present to distract the toddler for you. So no, I don't think putting your toddler in another room for five minutes is harmful.

I know my older daughter gets more obnoxious and aggressive with the baby when she's tired herself and/or desperate for my attention. Good or bad, it's still attention, right? So I scold her, and she throws things or herself, or runs off and sulks, or shrieks at me. It's an unfortunate cycle and sometimes separating the kids (or letting the older one run off and sulk--she usually goes in her room to read) is best for all involved. Then once baby is calm or asleep I can do something one on one with Rowan--bath, books, whatever.

[Van1300]

I am expecting #2 and have been thinking about what to do with my DD who is almost 3 during nursing. I have hear that a special toy box just for nursing is a good suggestion. Your toddler could have his own special box that you guys decorate together with books, games, toys, snacks etc. to only be used when you are nursing the baby. Call it the "Big Brother Box" or something like that. Make it all about him.

I'm going to try something like that and see how it goes

[bluedaisyma]

Originally Posted by tesslouise I'm dealing with something similar...I have a 3-year-old and a 7-week-old and trying to pay attention to one at a time inevitably ticks off the other one. Telling your toddler, "If you can't be gentle (quiet/respectful/whatever) with the baby, I will have to separate you" is absolutely reasonable and your husband's opinion is only relevant if he is present to distract the toddler for you. So no, I don't think putting your toddler in another room for five minutes is harmful. I know my older daughter gets more obnoxious and aggressive with the baby when she's tired herself and/or desperate for my attention. Good or bad, it's still attention, right? So I scold her, and she throws things or herself, or runs off and sulks, or shrieks at me. It's an unfortunate cycle and sometimes separating the kids (or letting the older one run off and sulk--she usually goes in her room to read) is best for all involved. Then once baby is calm or asleep I can do something one on one with Rowan--bath, books, whatever.

I totally agree with you. My DH was like, well you might as well put him in the closet, he can't get hurt in there. He obviously is clueless . I know he will outgrow it, but he is having a hard time adjusting and this behavior is a bit new.

Originally Posted by Van1300 I am expecting #2 and have been thinking about what to do with my DD who is almost 3 during nursing. I have hear that a special toy box just for nursing is a good suggestion. Your toddler could have his own special box that you guys decorate together with books, games, toys, snacks etc. to only be used when you are nursing the baby. Call it the "Big Brother Box" or something like that. Make it all about him. I'm going to try something like that and see how it goes

thanks! my issue is not when we are nursing downstairs, I can distract him then. It's when we are in our bed. Even with books and toys, etc, he has been getting a wild hair about him and doing stuff just bc he knows I am kinda stuck :/