Question for the Non-Santa Crew - Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community

Geckmumto3 · 10-05-2012, 08:57 PM

<---- starting with that guy because this is not judging anyone. I am genuinely curious, so if both Santa and Non-Santa people can be nice, it would be appreciated.

I am always interested in the Santa threads, because, like anything else in this parenthood gig, it is really interesting for me to try to understand the perspective of others. I love to people watch, so I guess reading the "hot button" topics on parenting forums is a version of people watching.

The one thing that always intrigues me is the comment that people want their kids to know that the presents come from their parents versus coming from Santa. I don't understand this and I want to try. I don't want to get into it too much. I worry that anything I type here might be taken wrong, and I mean no disrespect, in any way. I am honestly trying to understand. Do Santa or don't do Santa, own it, but please, appease my curiosity.

Why is it important to you, as a parent, to get the credit for the presents?

HeatherlovesCDs · 10-05-2012, 09:03 PM

This is not why we don't do Santa. However, I think from the perspective of wanting "credit" for the presents, it would be because you want your children to understand that you work for the things they get. They don't come from some outside source and they aren't free. Dad and/or mom have to actually work to make money to buy these things. It's about understanding and appreciating the value of where they actually do come from....hard work and sacrifice.

As I said, this isn't why we don't do Santa, but that is what I would think.

Geckmumto3 · 10-05-2012, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherlovesCDs

This is not why we don't do Santa. However, I think from the perspective of wanting "credit" for the presents, it would be because you want your children to understand that you work for the things they get. They don't come from some outside source and they aren't free. Dad and/or mom have to actually work to make money to buy these things. It's about understanding and appreciating the value of where they actually do come from....hard work and sacrifice.

As I said, this isn't why we don't do Santa, but that is what I would think.

That is a good point. Thanks!

Done at 3 · 10-05-2012, 09:08 PM

My mom and I had this conversation last year. We were talking about the gifts the boys were getting and I mentioned that their big gifts were from Santa. She argued that we should get the credit for them. I thought this was an odd way of looking at it. Their most desired gifts are always from Santa because "he knows what they really want most" and that's part of what always made it so special for me as a kid.

It never even occurred to me to be concerned with who got the credit for the gift. One day they will know the truth

and that everything was from DH and I anyway. I don't give gifts to get credit for them, I give them because I genuinely love seeing people enjoy things I've gotten for them. I put tons of thought into choosing really personalized gifts and their happiness is enough for me.

songbird516 · 10-05-2012, 09:14 PM

We don't celebrate holidays but when a present comes from a person, we make it clear who it came from and they always get a thank-you, and maybe even a card. Why would I teach my children to give credit to someone who doesn't exist? At worst it's a lie, and at best it's inconsiderate. Someone worked for the gift or the money to pay for it. I want my child to know who it really came from and be thankful.

KLeeCW · 10-05-2012, 09:19 PM

We do Santa, but we like to strike a good balance. We like the idea of the "magic" of Santa and all that goes with it. I also like the idea of my children knowing presents don't just materialize, but that there is work involved in getting them. I don't want my kids to feel entitled to Christmas presents. I also don't want them to disassociate that these gifts were picked/made/given with love from us. It's not really about credit so much as it is about teaching them to appreciate the hard work and effort that goes into getting presents. I don't feel like that explains it well, but hopefully you see what I mean. How we do it is that one present (usually the big gift) and the stocking are from Santa, one present is from Walter (our "Elf on the Shelf"), and the rest of the gifts are from Mom and Dad. DH is Jewish and didn't celebrate Christmas growing up (surprisingly, some Jews do celebrate secular Christmas). I wasn't sure how I'd approach Santa until I asked DH and he said he missed having the whole Santa idea and the excitement that went with it.

I have friends that are Mormon who do Santa, but flat out tell their daughter he isn't real. The way they work it is that they tell their daughter that while Santa isn't real, it is a way to pretend and use their imagination.

Geckmumto3 · 10-05-2012, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KLeeCW

We do Santa, but we like to strike a good balance. We like the idea of the "magic" of Santa and all that goes with it. I also like the idea of my children knowing presents don't just materialize, but that there is work involved in getting them. I don't want my kids to feel entitled to Christmas presents. I also don't want them to disassociate that these gifts were picked/made/given with love from us. It's not really about credit so much as it is about teaching them to appreciate the hard work and effort that goes into getting presents. I don't feel like that explains it well, but hopefully you see what I mean. How we do it is that one present (usually the big gift) and the stocking are from Santa, one present is from Walter (our "Elf on the Shelf"), and the rest of the gifts are from Mom and Dad. DH is Jewish and didn't celebrate Christmas growing up (surprisingly, some Jews do celebrate secular Christmas). I wasn't sure how I'd approach Santa until I asked DH and he said he missed having the whole Santa idea and the excitement that went with it.

I have friends that are Mormon who do Santa, but flat out tell their daughter he isn't real. The way they work it is that they tell their daughter that while Santa isn't real, it is a way to pretend and use their imagination.

I do get what you are saying, and this is pretty much how we approach it. I don't like the over-commercialism, over-entitlement of Christmas, but we do like some magic. Santa does stockings and one gift. Everything else is from Mom, Dad or siblings.

Thanks, everyone, so far for your insight.

Jen's_4 · 10-05-2012, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherlovesCDs

This is not why we don't do Santa. However, I think from the perspective of wanting "credit" for the presents, it would be because you want your children to understand that you work for the things they get. They don't come from some outside source and they aren't free. Dad and/or mom have to actually work to make money to buy these things. It's about understanding and appreciating the value of where they actually do come from....hard work and sacrifice.

As I said, this isn't why we don't do Santa, but that is what I would think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by songbird516

We don't celebrate holidays but when a present comes from a person, we make it clear who it came from and they always get a thank-you, and maybe even a card. Why would I teach my children to give credit to someone who doesn't exist? At worst it's a lie, and at best it's inconsiderate. Someone worked for the gift or the money to pay for it. I want my child to know who it really came from and be thankful.

Both of these. (although we do celebrate holidays) I have several reasons why we don't celebrate Santa and this is just a tiny one. But I do want the kids to know that those items have value and that someone who loves you worked very hard so that you could have it. Not that some fake-person delivered this to you because that's what he does. And you won't get any flames from me, OP.

An honest question isn't a bad thing and shouldn't draw flames! (But of course on DS, it might!)

RainandRedemption · 10-05-2012, 09:26 PM

For me it's not so much about getting credit for the presents... it's just that I don't understand telling my kids a big fabricated story about where the presents came from. I'm big on telling my kids the facts, and answering questions as thoroughly and honestly as I know how. Like I said i nthe other thread, I believe that there is enough magic in real life, I don't think we need to go looking for pretend magic to indulge in. Also, with Santa, the magic dies as they grow older. I want my kids to find the magic in life that continues past childhood and never dies.

I DO like pretend, and games, and such. I don't like the "story" or "game" of Santa so much because to me it seems like the Santa thing is more about commercialism than the magic. Why is the promise of STUFF a valid reward for "good" behavior. And how can you say the behavior is GOOD anyway when it's only driven by fear of being left out of the fun on Christmas morning?

While that isn't true for every family, it is for mine. "We'll, if you're acting like that maybe Santa won't come" or "uh oh do I need to make a call to santa?" or "I hope Santa's not watching". This type of manipulation and more I heard while growing up from family members. When my kids hear this I don't want them to feel all the things I felt then. I want them to raise an eyebrow and say...... "are you serious?"

EmilytheStrange · 10-05-2012, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeatherlovesCDs

This is not why we don't do Santa. However, I think from the perspective of wanting "credit" for the presents, it would be because you want your children to understand that you work for the things they get. They don't come from some outside source and they aren't free. Dad and/or mom have to actually work to make money to buy these things. It's about understanding and appreciating the value of where they actually do come from....hard work and sacrifice.

As I said, this isn't why we don't do Santa, but that is what I would think.

This.

I don't do Santa because he's not 'the reason for the season'. And because I don't do character things.

But as for credit, I guess I would agree with the quoted.

10-05-2012, 08:57 PM	#1
Geckmumto3 Registered Users Join Date: May 2008 Location: S. Ontario Posts: 5,171 Ratings: 8 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Question for the Non-Santa Crew <---- starting with that guy because this is not judging anyone. I am genuinely curious, so if both Santa and Non-Santa people can be nice, it would be appreciated. I am always interested in the Santa threads, because, like anything else in this parenthood gig, it is really interesting for me to try to understand the perspective of others. I love to people watch, so I guess reading the "hot button" topics on parenting forums is a version of people watching. The one thing that always intrigues me is the comment that people want their kids to know that the presents come from their parents versus coming from Santa. I don't understand this and I want to try. I don't want to get into it too much. I worry that anything I type here might be taken wrong, and I mean no disrespect, in any way. I am honestly trying to understand. Do Santa or don't do Santa, own it, but please, appease my curiosity. Why is it important to you, as a parent, to get the credit for the presents? Advertisement __________________ Kat ~ Mum to G (10), D (8) and O (5)

10-05-2012, 09:03 PM	#2
HeatherlovesCDs Registered Users Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 10,081 Ratings: 99 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Question for the Non-Santa Crew This is not why we don't do Santa. However, I think from the perspective of wanting "credit" for the presents, it would be because you want your children to understand that you work for the things they get. They don't come from some outside source and they aren't free. Dad and/or mom have to actually work to make money to buy these things. It's about understanding and appreciating the value of where they actually do come from....hard work and sacrifice. As I said, this isn't why we don't do Santa, but that is what I would think. __________________ Heather SAHM to 6 who are 7 and under, including 2 sets of twins and our last little miracle, a surviving identical twin, born Oct 2012!

10-05-2012, 09:08 PM	#4
Done at 3 Registered Users Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: NC Posts: 777 Ratings: 1 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	My mom and I had this conversation last year. We were talking about the gifts the boys were getting and I mentioned that their big gifts were from Santa. She argued that we should get the credit for them. I thought this was an odd way of looking at it. Their most desired gifts are always from Santa because "he knows what they really want most" and that's part of what always made it so special for me as a kid. It never even occurred to me to be concerned with who got the credit for the gift. One day they will know the truth and that everything was from DH and I anyway. I don't give gifts to get credit for them, I give them because I genuinely love seeing people enjoy things I've gotten for them. I put tons of thought into choosing really personalized gifts and their happiness is enough for me. __________________ Lindsay- wife to my Soldier & SAHM to Gavin 3/06 Liam 5/09 and Collin 8/12

10-05-2012, 09:14 PM	#5
songbird516 Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Virginia Posts: 6,164 Ratings: 36 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Question for the Non-Santa Crew We don't celebrate holidays but when a present comes from a person, we make it clear who it came from and they always get a thank-you, and maybe even a card. Why would I teach my children to give credit to someone who doesn't exist? At worst it's a lie, and at best it's inconsiderate. Someone worked for the gift or the money to pay for it. I want my child to know who it really came from and be thankful. __________________ Sara- mommy to Claire (01/10) and Micah (3/12) and someone new (10/14) Birth doula and life-long student of Everything! Need a doula in the central VA area? Let's talk! www.beyondbirthsupport.com

10-05-2012, 09:19 PM	#6
KLeeCW Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 647 Ratings: 3 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Question for the Non-Santa Crew We do Santa, but we like to strike a good balance. We like the idea of the "magic" of Santa and all that goes with it. I also like the idea of my children knowing presents don't just materialize, but that there is work involved in getting them. I don't want my kids to feel entitled to Christmas presents. I also don't want them to disassociate that these gifts were picked/made/given with love from us. It's not really about credit so much as it is about teaching them to appreciate the hard work and effort that goes into getting presents. I don't feel like that explains it well, but hopefully you see what I mean. How we do it is that one present (usually the big gift) and the stocking are from Santa, one present is from Walter (our "Elf on the Shelf"), and the rest of the gifts are from Mom and Dad. DH is Jewish and didn't celebrate Christmas growing up (surprisingly, some Jews do celebrate secular Christmas). I wasn't sure how I'd approach Santa until I asked DH and he said he missed having the whole Santa idea and the excitement that went with it. I have friends that are Mormon who do Santa, but flat out tell their daughter he isn't real. The way they work it is that they tell their daughter that while Santa isn't real, it is a way to pretend and use their imagination.

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