Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-06-2012, 05:07 PM   #21
threelittlehoneys's Avatar
threelittlehoneys
formerly R***and**********
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 7,009
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I wouldn't tell them anything they can't handle. Depending on how they asked would be how I responded. My son plays "killing" and "bad guys", so it's come up in his mind, he knows those things happen. I assume the nature of the evil in the world becomes personal for everyone in different ways at different times, and if that were the time for my kids I wouldn't try to turn it into something it wasn't, although I would put it in the softest terms. If they heard some one say "sexual abuse" and asked me what that meant, I would tell them that we have parts that no one is supposed to touch except in certain situations. When someone touchs us in a situation that's not ok it's called sexual abuse. They'd learn a lot, but if a neighbor child had been sexually abused and killed I think a conversation about protecting ourselves, and good and bad touch, and being aware of bad guys would be called for.

If it's someone they don't know well though and wouldn't ask where they went then I might not say anything about it. But if asked I would try to be honest in ways they understand and arent too hard for them to deal with.

Advertisement

threelittlehoneys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:07 PM   #22
vatblack's Avatar
vatblack
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,583
My Mood:
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I am not sure I follow what you mean by a false perspective. Perhaps you need to give me an example?
__________________
Decided to close my ETSY store because of CPSA regulations that I was not aware of when I started out.
Don't want to change my avi. Love the design too much.
vatblack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:15 PM   #23
threelittlehoneys's Avatar
threelittlehoneys
formerly R***and**********
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 7,009
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Quote:
Originally Posted by vatblack View Post
I am not sure I follow what you mean by a false perspective. Perhaps you need to give me an example?
I just mean something that you, yourself, do not believe is true. Like with the neighbors dog dying, your child asks where the dog went. If you say "he went to a new home" you can say that's a true statement becaus eyou believe the dogs soul is in heaven or in the cosmos or whatever,. But if you know that now your 3yo thinks the doggy moved to a new town, then you're giving a false perspective
threelittlehoneys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:18 PM   #24
threelittlehoneys's Avatar
threelittlehoneys
formerly R***and**********
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 7,009
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
Possible? Absolutely. Lying as defined by the OP is a choice, therefore it's something a parent has control over. All you have to do is choose not to lie when the situation presents itself.

BUT, I don't necessarily think that's a healthy way to raise a child. I believe it's important to raise a child to experience common aspects of life, good and bad, and lying is, unfortunately, part of life.
But they'll learn about lying and dishonesty anyway. My kids know about lying and dishonesty, regardless of how straightforward I try to be with them
threelittlehoneys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:26 PM   #25
milosmama's Avatar
milosmama
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Northern Ca.
Posts: 559
My Mood:
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

I absolutely try to tell my child the truth all. the. time! I have no problem explaining things in terms I feel he can understand and if his questions go into an area that I feel either he can not understand or that isn't approporiate for him to hear, I tell him that. I have said "there are some parts of this topic/idea/issue that you will understand and parts of it that we will talk again about when you are older and will understand". I will also tell him that there are topics that are adult topics and are complex with lots of sides and parts to it that aren't easy to explain, so I will answer him in a way that I think he will grasp. He has never been anything but willing to hear what I have to say and accepted my answers.

As for hard topics like death and sex, I tell him as much truth as I can in a way that I feel will suffice his curiousity or interest in knowledge and in a way that won't bring in fear or cunfusion. For example, my mil died last year from cancer after battling it for several years. We all went to see her frequently during her illness and treatments and talked about what was happening every time. I told him that grandma was sick and trying to get better but we weren't sure if she would and that we were going to enjoy every visit we had with her and live and think about today. When she died, we explained to him that her body stopped working and that we wouldn't see her anymore but we would still feel her love. We didn't hide our grief, we didn't hide our tears. I would say "Papa is sad right now because grandma died, and he will need some time to work through his feelings".

When my partner and I fight, and he has heard (wich we obiously try to aoid but...), we explain that Mama and Papa love each other and will always love each other even when we argue. That relationships are like that, sometimes hard and that we argue because people get mad sometimes and thats okay as long as you still treat each other with respect and calm down to talk also.

Now, if someone gets murdered or something horrible happens to someone we know....no, I will not say "a man came in thier house and did xyz and hurt them, etc.". But I will tell him that sometimes bad things happen in this world, and that something happened to _____ and they died. That he has Mama and Papa to keep him safe and that we will always do whatever we can to make sure he is okay. I am sure he will have questions and I will answer them with appropriate information and with words of comfort and reassurance.

I believe that my son will rise to the occasion of my expectations. If I want him to be aware of the world, be always honest with himself and his family, then that is what I will try to show him. I want him to know that he can ask me anything, that I will always try to be truthfull and that I will expect the same from him. Now this works for us, but maybe not for everybody.

ETA: with the dog situation for example, instead of telling him that the dog moved to another place, I would use it as an example of truth and teaching. We have dogs and I want him to know that this is why we keep our dogs on the leash, in the yard etc. I want him to know that the road is dangerous and that poeple/dogs can get hurt there if we aren't careful.

Death, sex, lying, etc. are all parts of life. People and the world have both good and evil in them and I feel that if I raise my children understanding that, they will more easily adjust to reality. I don't ever want them to not know what is really going on around them or feel powerless in any situation as an adult. I believe that knowledge and preperation are power. I also want information to come from me first. I know it will be accurate and they won't have to go to someone else who might really scew the truth for them. They will find all of this out eventually, might as well be from me.

Last edited by milosmama; 10-06-2012 at 05:39 PM.
milosmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:28 PM   #26
vatblack's Avatar
vatblack
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,583
My Mood:
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

Yes, and as a teacher I lied like that all the time too. For example, you would teach that a sentence is always subject + verb + object, only to tell them the next year it is subject + predicate. Then, even later on... etc. It is necessary to edit information to what children can understand. If you don't they do not take it in.

ETA: And I totally lie about the Easter Bunny, Santa, tooth fairy... etc.
__________________
Decided to close my ETSY store because of CPSA regulations that I was not aware of when I started out.
Don't want to change my avi. Love the design too much.
vatblack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:34 PM   #27
JennTheMomma's Avatar
JennTheMomma
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 7,820
My Mood:
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

It is possible and I don't lie to my kids. If I don't feel good I tell them, if they ask me if something is real and it isn't, I tell them, if they ask me where babies come from, I tell them. I don't see the point in witholding information that they'll find out eventually anyways.
JennTheMomma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:39 PM   #28
threelittlehoneys's Avatar
threelittlehoneys
formerly R***and**********
seller
seller
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 7,009
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

milosmama~ everything you said is pretty much how I look at it too. Also, my son's name is also Milo. We must just think alike

Quote:
Originally Posted by vatblack View Post
Yes, and as a teacher I lied like that all the time too. For example, you would teach that a sentence is always subject + verb + object, only to tell them the next year it is subject + predicate. Then, even later on... etc. It is necessary to edit information to what children can understand. If you don't they do not take it in.

ETA: And I totally lie about the Easter Bunny, Santa, tooth fairy... etc.
Well that example I don't really consider lying. One teacher tells yo uone thing in grade 4 and you learn something on top of that in grade 5. Two different people, in a "strategy" effort to teach writting.

But the "edit information" part. I get editing, and adding to, and what not. But with things that children are naturally curious about and asking questions, if the answer they get is not truthful, and they build their understanding of the world around what they were told, then doesn't that uproot their security in their ability to understanding life when they find out that was just a childish, dream world way of looking at it?
threelittlehoneys is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:39 PM   #29
KaleidoscopeEyes's Avatar
KaleidoscopeEyes
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Springfield Missouri
Posts: 14,774
My Mood:
Re: Is it possible to parent your children without lying to them? Do you try?

as far as im aware ive never lied to my kids. i dont think that they have asked me anything that i didnt feel i could be truthful about but if they did it's simple enough to say that i will talk to them about that when they are older rather than flat out lie to them.
__________________
Super crunchy, atheist, vegetarian, liberal WOH and student mama to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wesley 16, Seth 9, Pandora Moonlilly 5 and Nevermore Stargazer 2, married to my awesome sahd artist hubby and partner to my amazing writer/techy boyfriend
KaleidoscopeEyes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 05:56 PM   #30
Celeste's Avatar
Celeste
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,683
My Mood:
We don't lie to our kids. ODD has walked in on us having sex and later asked what we were doing. I told her mommy and daddy were having some special time together and she needs to knock before walking into our room. She kept asking and I told her that it was private between mommy and daddy and none of her business. She's 5...I'm not going all out on a graphic answer. Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy are all pretend things we do for fun.
__________________
: Blessed wife to Jon, homeschooling Mama to Ava Catherine (1-6-07), Faith Olivia (3-17-09) , and Eli David (11-30-10), my sweet little guy!
Celeste is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.