Thinking of getting DD evaluated for ADHD.

[Harmony96]

I'm scared. What if she has it? Will I feel like an outcast (since nobody in my IRL circle of friends has a diagnosed child)? I already know that DH won't want to medicate (he doesn't believe in chemical assistance for PPD or even regular depression, since he doesn't believe those conditions are "real"), so I don't even know what a diagnosis would "do" for us.

What if she does NOT have it? Today, again, I'm at a breaking point and near tears trying to get her to have even ten seconds of self-control. If there's not something else going on, then it just reflects on me as a parent, and the past few years with her have already made me feel awful about myself in that way.

[Done at 3]

I'm sorry my 7 year old was recently diagnosed and has since started medication and it has been life changing, not only for him but our whole household.

I can totally relate to your feelings regarding your parenting. Hugs. I felt that way for many years. I hope you find something that works for your family.

[mibarra]

A diagnosis will give you a starting point, help other professionals work with her, and you can look into strategies and ways to help. While ADHD has a bad rep, it IS a neurological difference in the way the brain functions. Medication is not the only solution, though when it works, it WORKS. There are other ways to deal with it.

[iris0110]

Originally Posted by mibarra A diagnosis will give you a starting point, help other professionals work with her, and you can look into strategies and ways to help. While ADHD has a bad rep, it IS a neurological difference in the way the brain functions. Medication is not the only solution, though when it works, it WORKS. There are other ways to deal with it.

I agree a diagnosis is a starting point, from there you can discuss therapy, educational support and medication if it would be beneficial for your dd. ADHD is neurological difference, like autism, bipolar or depression and I do think it benefits not only the child but the entire family when it is acknowledged. I grew up in a family that would not address my bipolar disorder and it made getting appropriate treatment difficult. To this day they can accept my epilepsy and my older son's autism but they do not understand my bipolar diagnosis. It only makes it more difficult now that my younger son has been diagnosed with mood disorder (which will change to bipolar as he grows).

Talking to a doctor and finding an appropriate diagnosis for your dd, whatever that may be, can help you move forward and hopefully stop blaming yourself. I know it is scary to think about medicating your child but medication is not the only option and it may be that she doesn't need it at all.

[Terra]

Andrea I'll be praying for you, your daughter and your family. And for your husband that if you find yourselves in the midst of the struggle the Lord will open his eyes to what is best for your child.

I was against medicating [not for the same reason] so we tried the traditional route first, behavior stuff, foods, etc. And TBH the meds have worked the best and I've seen a huge change in my son. Now he also is ASD so that has issues that meds will not help.

But yes, get her evaluated and that is a huge first step. I myself have a mood disorder and meds are what helped me immensely. Before that I had thoughts of leaving my family, driving away and never coming back, all those sorts of thoughts.

[*Peanut*]

I agree with pp. A teacher (who has an adhd son) told me that she wishes parents could TAKE a pill to make them feel the way their child does. Because it does not feel good to be out of control and hyper and then on top of it get scolded or punished for it all day long.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

[KaleidoscopeEyes]

how do they dx adhd?

[ktmelody]

Originally Posted by KaleidoscopeEyes how do they dx adhd?

There are guidelines in the dsm-iv. The child must have certain symptoms and behaviors.

We have a clinis here that diagnosis add and other childhood disorders. Its a full day eval then they go over results and a medication plan if you choose it.

[boysniris]

I'm in the process of having my 7 1/2 year old evaluated for ADHD. I felt a lot of the ways that it sounds like you feel -- especially that his awful behavior and lack of self-control reflected on ME and MY parenting. In fact, it was so bad having him full time this past summer that there were days I just wanted to shut him in his room and not deal with him, but then I felt so so so bad for feeling like that.

Part of what has made his problems so much more obvious to me, though, are that his 3 year old brother is starting to have better self-control. Our 3 year old is SO different from how his older brother was at the same age. When 3 year old gets a time-out, he learns from it. Time-outs would work for DS1, in the VERY short term, but then he would go right back to his naughty impulsive behavior. He is an exhausting little boy. I would love more kids like my 3 year old, but I could not deal with another like my 7 1/2 year old.

Does your DD go to school or do you homeschool? My son is in 2nd grade this year and he is having a lot of issues at school. A big one is that he can't seem to control himself when it comes to respecting other kid's personal space. He touches, leans, kicks, hits, puts-his-backpack-on, bothers, or otherwise finds ways to touch the other kids. He is at a Montessori school this year -- which he loves -- but he is having a really hard time staying on-task. He had this problem at traditional school, too, but I think Montessori is better in that they are not punitive to him for misbehaving.

Another issue is that he will not stay with the group. He has ran away from me, far from me, on multiple occasions -- one time last year, in first grade, I had to send out a search party in cars to find him. He doesn't stay with his class at school, and his teacher told me last week that she doesn't feel it will be safe enough for him to attend the field trip to Lake Tahoe unless I attend as his chaperone. I totally see where she is coming from, there's a high probability he will ditch the group and run off into the forest during their nature hike.

His behavior is such that I have to have a formal meeting with his teacher and an administrator every 3 weeks to discuss his progress and what we are all doing to help him be successful in school.

One thing that has been recommended is martial arts. I put my son into Taekwondo 4 days/week starting in March, and I have noticed some improvement in his behavior but he still has far to go. I plan to keep him there because he has fun; I consider it to be part of his education at this point. Is that an option for you--can you enroll your DD into some type of martial arts to see if it helps? It may not help right away, but it's a place to get a lot of practice at self-control.

As for your social circle, I think anyone who would judge you is not a real friend. I do not feel like an outcast for investigating whether or not my son has ADHD. It is starting to impact how he is treated by other children, and it's impacting his relationship with my DH (DH can't stand how our 7 1/2 year old acts and doesn't want to spend time with him).

I think, if nothing else, a diagnosis will help you better decide what to do. Maybe you will have more empathy for her outbursts or her lack of self-control. Maybe you will better be able to anticipate how she's going to act and what you could do to counter that. My DH thought I was spoiling my son by bringing him snacks or activities to help him behave, but now I think he's starting to realize that I am NOT spoiling him, he actually needs these things to help his self-control.

I don't yet know if we are going to go the medication route, but we are at least investigating the possibility.

Maybe, if you know she has ADHD and your DH refuses to consider medication, then HE can go to all the meetings, etc, for her poor behavior and he can tell them why she's acting the way she does.

[Suzi]

My son has been evaluated for aspergers twice and ADHD last year. He doesn't quite meet any diagnosis. The teachers always recommended evals for him. We didn't medicate since he didn't have any severe symptoms but he was struggling enough that we did change some things. Breakfast seemed to be the only meal of the day where he'd eat a lot so we started making power smoothies. We got rid of artificial favors and dyes at home. And we had to do some extra learning at home for math and reading that taught in a different format than he got at school.

He's in 2nd grade and this is the first year we got a glowing report. He came home one day all proud because his teacher changed their seating around and he is supposed to help the other kids pay attention. Last year he sat o a wiggle seat at s hook, which did help.

He still has some attention issues and socialization issues so we will have to stay pretty dedicated to keeping his diet balanced and making sure the tutoring at home is working nut he is making progress.

I would have her evaluated. They can give you some ideas on what approaches will help with your problem behaviors. Good luck!