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Old 10-07-2012, 01:51 PM   #1
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Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

Not as in, did I marry the right person.

As in, your spouse handles a situation with the kids and you strongly disagree with how it went down. Do you question it?

We all know not to do it in front of the kids (you know, the 'show a united front' thing...) but what about afterward behind a closed door? Is it okay to do? How do they react? If you think it's not okay, how do you handle your feelings?

Not every disagreement is worth discussing IMO. But there are times when I feel something went too far and speak up (privately). Dh does NOT like it and typically gets mad and defensive and feels I'm treating him as less than their other parent. I don't see it this way and I genuinely try to make sure I'm not being aggressive or coming off as judgmental.

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Old 10-07-2012, 02:10 PM   #2
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

All the damn time! lol

He usually ends up agreeing with me. His negative reactions to the kids are usually because he's cranky, tired, etc. Then he realizes that he's made a mountain out of a molehill and will apologize to the kids. He did it just this morning. Same with me.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:13 PM   #3
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

I do it all the time, and he does it to me as well.

Typically it's a "you didn't see so-and-so do this before you punished so-and-so."

Or, "You punished so and so but did you see so-and-so was doing it to, and went unpunished?"

Or, if I think he's being too strict, etc. There are many things that I confront him on, mainly because a lot of the time, he doesn't have the WHOLE story, or know EXACTLY what happened.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:19 PM   #4
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

not typically, because he's very sensitive and doesnt take criticism from me very well but also his punishments are usually fair. but if ds1 had plans for awhile and was excited about doing it and for some reason dh decided that he couldnt go as punishment i'd likely suggest something else.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:19 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by Psychomom
All the damn time! lol

He usually ends up agreeing with me. His negative reactions to the kids are usually because he's cranky, tired, etc. Then he realizes that he's made a mountain out of a molehill and will apologize to the kids. He did it just this morning. Same with me.
Dhs overreactions are usually for this reason as well. But he never agrees.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:20 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by leyash
Or, if I think he's being too strict, etc. There are many things that I confront him on, mainly because a lot of the time, he doesn't have the WHOLE story, or know EXACTLY what happened.
How does he react to being criticized?
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:22 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by KaleidoscopeEyes
not typically, because he's very sensitive and doesnt take criticism from me very well but also his punishments are usually fair. but if ds1 had plans for awhile and was excited about doing it and for some reason dh decided that he couldnt go as punishment i'd likely suggest something else.
And would feel like you were overriding him or would he see your side and back off?
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:25 PM   #8
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I do every once in a while. It does not usually go over well lol

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Old 10-07-2012, 02:25 PM   #9
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

Yes I try not to do it in front of the kids, but it's hard. My DH is very authoritarian w/the boys, which is tough b/c I think our 7 1/2 yo has ADD or some other type of special needs problem. I think DH has unreasonable expectations for behavior from our older son.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:26 PM   #10
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

yes
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