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Old 10-07-2012, 02:31 PM   #11
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Yes I try not to do it in front of the kids, but it's hard. My DH is very authoritarian w/the boys, which is tough b/c I think our 7 1/2 yo has ADD or some other type of special needs problem. I think DH has unreasonable expectations for behavior from our older son.
My 7yo has high functioning ASD and has been diagnosed with odd (though I don't like that one) and he can be very.....button pushing, if you will. I think DHs expectations for him are unreasonable as well but he doesn't.

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Old 10-07-2012, 02:35 PM   #12
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

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And would feel like you were overriding him or would he see your side and back off?
he backs off. im really sensitive to stuff like that i guess. i dont mind kids having consequences but i dont think its fair for it to be absolutely devastating

he's their stepfather so i think he is more likely to back down in regard to them but i dont think he's typically unfair to them. he gives them plenty of chances
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:50 PM   #13
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With my husband if I have to say something, it's usually to say, "what can it hurt?" Sometimes he'll tell my daughter she can't do something because that's his default. If she's asking to do something it's generally reasonable. It's when she doesn't ask that it's trouble.

We're pretty easy going with how to deal with discrepancies. Just say it and move on. My husband has called me out before too. Usually the rare time we say anything it's warranted.
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Old 10-07-2012, 03:20 PM   #14
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No we are on the same page
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Old 10-07-2012, 04:11 PM   #15
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I have a handful of times, primarily when my DH has punished them because he has unreasonable expectations for their ages, or became mad over a situation of his own creation. For example, he allowed our 3 year old to play with his hat for 2 days, then the 3rd day was ranting and raving about her playing with it, taking it away but leaving it within reach instead of putting it away. When she was distracted I politely reminded him he'd been letting her play with it, and he'd be better off putting it away in the closer. He was annoyed, but knew I was right. He's done the same to me when the situation warranted.
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Old 10-07-2012, 04:27 PM   #16
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

Of course! He's not perfect, and neither am I and we are partners in parenting and part of that includes helping each other improve our parenting. It's not about criticizing or insulting or not backing him up, it's about genuine questioning and understanding and so on.

It's no different than when you are at work and working with a group of people on a project and you have meetings to discuss ideas and put forth some ideas and decide not to pursue others. Same thing.
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Old 10-07-2012, 04:30 PM   #17
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Yes.

He likes blanket parenting and I like to take each individual situation and chose parenting decisions from it.

Ie...
Just a bit ago I asked dd to get something out of the car for me. She got distracted for a minute and played with the dew on the window. I saw it and just waited. Dh yelled at her to stop touching the window bcz a week ago I told her to stop bcz she was supposed to be puting shoes on to leave and we were late. So he just thinks "no window ever" even though its not even a big deal.

He's sensitive and gets moody and butt hurt and blames me. Then later we bring it up again and smooth things out...and usually he agrees with me.
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Old 10-07-2012, 04:33 PM   #18
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Of course! He's not perfect, and neither am I and we are partners in parenting and part of that includes helping each other improve our parenting. It's not about criticizing or insulting or not backing him up, it's about genuine questioning and understanding and so on.

It's no different than when you are at work and working with a group of people on a project and you have meetings to discuss ideas and put forth some ideas and decide not to pursue others. Same thing.
This is exactly what I think. Exactly.
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Old 10-07-2012, 05:58 PM   #19
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

yup, and probably do it too much in front of our 3 year old, but I sometimes feel like I CAN'T wait and dicuss it later just because the punishment is so unfair. My DH is spank happy.
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Old 10-07-2012, 06:04 PM   #20
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Re: Do you ever question your spouse/partner?

We both give each other advice on being a better parent/spouse/etc. and while it is hard sometimes. I think both of us typically take it pretty well, even if we get mopey about it afterwards because we are disappointed in ourselves for not doing something the right way the first time.
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