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Old 10-07-2012, 04:56 PM   #11
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

Your title struck me (no pun intended) because I have written a blog post before on why I don't spank. I think about the person I am trying to raise; the adults they will one day be, and in no way, shape, or form does spanking them ever come to mind when I think about molding their characters. Welcome.

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Old 10-07-2012, 05:14 PM   #12
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

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Originally Posted by mibarra View Post
Always interesting to read others viewpoints. I think carefully considering our actions as parents and the consequences is vital. But sometimes it's also ok to seek out advice of experts in situations where our own personal experience and knowledge is limited for whatever reason, as long as we're careful in our choice of what constitutes an expert.


also, OP - welcome!

I think about the new boss who comes into an office and s/he has ideas and research that tells them to do certain things certain ways. Often times, it turns the entire office on it's head and ends up a mess. But when they talk with the people who have been there for awhile and have often seen other managers try the same ideas and have the same problems, they can give input on how things operate the smoothest. Working together - the people with realworld experience there and the new manager can make a plan that will work well.

So I definitely think there's a TON of value in listening to people who have BTDT. And there's value in trying different things because you think they will work.
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Old 10-07-2012, 05:43 PM   #13
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Well said!

We have a similar philosophy. Our responsibility and goal is to raise good little people. Happy, healthy, kind individuals with knowledge and balance of personality characteristics, who do as they see fit not just follow the leader. We acknowledge their strengths, encourage and work on weaknesses. Building a resilient mind and person, who can accept disappointments as well as being humble in their achievements.

We walk our own path. We digest information, we have discussions regarding issues and situations from big to small, and we discussed how we would like to raise our children long before we had children. We talked about what we didn't like her in how we were raised and what we did like, as well as what worked and what didn't. Our principles are sound and our execution is flexible. The objective always to raise a well rounded child. Each child being an individual has different needs that need to be met.
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Old 10-07-2012, 06:08 PM   #14
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

Great post. Fellow dad here, and I find myself nodding in agreement at not just your conclusions, but your insight as to why.
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Old 10-07-2012, 08:05 PM   #15
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Yes, great post!
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Old 10-07-2012, 08:18 PM   #16
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

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Great post. Fellow dad here, and I find myself nodding in agreement at not just your conclusions, but your insight as to why.
Thanks brother and I want to make it clear that this was what I was really trying to focus on. I've been a parent for about 9 months now, so to suggest that I know everything would be very foolish, and I am sure I will learn from many mistakes that I will make throughout the years. I find the reason for my choices to be far more important than the choices themselves because it will allow me to keep making better choices even after I make mistakes. I've been debating intense subjects ever since I was old enough to talk, I could argue against every single point I made and convince just as many people that I am right.

My post was 100% about my view of raising people rather than the general consensus I see of the majority that they are training a pet, extension of themselves, controlling a possession or correcting a lesser being.
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Old 10-08-2012, 01:02 PM   #17
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

OP, be sure and save these posts to read when your children hit their teens.

I am curious as to where this general consensus you see is. Society in general? On DS? Your particular circle of friends/family?
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Old 10-08-2012, 02:05 PM   #18
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

All three. I have never been one to get into deep conversations with strangers, however I have found that being a new dad people are more than happy to share their opinions on parenting with me. I've been putting my original posts (not my replys to people's replys) on my blog so they will definitely have a chance to see my journey through parenting.

Also, I have spent time around parents and children prior to being a parent myself in PA, VA, NC, TN, KY, CA and now CO as well as some limited time in Iraq, so I do not feel my views are based on a limited group of people that think in the same manner.

While no one would say that they feel their children are not people, actions speak louder than words. One of my easiest examples is circumcision, the answer usually given as to why it is in the best interest of the child is so that they do not feel ostracized by society, so that they look like daddy or for religious purposes. All three answers do not take into account what the child would decide to do as an adult. I do not remember as a boy, teenager or man comparing my penis to others. I remember having peeing races with my father, he was circumcised I was not, the fact that we were different never came up, and to this day I could not describe my fathers manhood. Religion is supposed to be a personal choice and freedom not a parent's choice, there are many men who convert to Judaism later in life and have themselves circumcised if necessary, I don't understand why the same option isn't given to our children to choose for themselves. None of the reasons takes the opinion of the person these acts are being performed upon into account.
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Old 10-08-2012, 03:27 PM   #19
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

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All three. I have never been one to get into deep conversations with strangers, however I have found that being a new dad people are more than happy to share their opinions on parenting with me. I've been putting my original posts (not my replys to people's replys) on my blog so they will definitely have a chance to see my journey through parenting.

Also, I have spent time around parents and children prior to being a parent myself in PA, VA, NC, TN, KY, CA and now CO as well as some limited time in Iraq, so I do not feel my views are based on a limited group of people that think in the same manner.

While no one would say that they feel their children are not people, actions speak louder than words. One of my easiest examples is circumcision, the answer usually given as to why it is in the best interest of the child is so that they do not feel ostracized by society, so that they look like daddy or for religious purposes. All three answers do not take into account what the child would decide to do as an adult. I do not remember as a boy, teenager or man comparing my penis to others. I remember having peeing races with my father, he was circumcised I was not, the fact that we were different never came up, and to this day I could not describe my fathers manhood. Religion is supposed to be a personal choice and freedom not a parent's choice, there are many men who convert to Judaism later in life and have themselves circumcised if necessary, I don't understand why the same option isn't given to our children to choose for themselves. None of the reasons takes the opinion of the person these acts are being performed upon into account.
I feel the same way about circumcision, but as parents we sometimes do have to make other choices in the interest of our children that others may not agree with or may think 'violate the childs rights'. For example, my older daughter is hearing impaired, with auditory neuropathy. We had the option of cochlear implants, which are considered by some to be unnecessary, even cruel. We made the choice on her behalf that oral language would give her the best access and options in life, and so we had her implanted. We did not ask her opinion, as she was 1 at the time. I could go into all the reasons why we choose this route (with a lot of consideration to her individual personality and likely outcomes), but there will still be people who think we 'violated her rights' by choosing to have the surgery, because she 'may not want them' when she's older. Circumcision, as a purely cosmetic procedure, is a different story in some ways of course. Though for some people it is truly a religious choice, that they consider similar to baptism. That makes the argument sticky legally speaking. Fortunately in many areas circumcision rates are going down.

I definitely agree as a parent we always have to keep in mind that a child IS a person, and should be treated as such in all ways possible.
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Old 10-08-2012, 03:57 PM   #20
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Re: Parenting style: Raising a person

The only parents opinions I would respect when it comes to a medical issue, especially with a special needs child, is a parent who is also of the medical profession or someone with a similar child who did at least as much research as I did. The choice was hearing or not hearing (I understand not at the same level), not pain or no pain. Had there been a non-evasive option to hear, like a prescription taken once a day for several years, and you chose to take the more antiquated method because that's what your parents had done I would think you were cruel.

I disagree with anyone that does anything, whether related to parenting or not, based on feelings, beliefs or thoughts when it comes to making a decision for someone else. Further, since this seems to be the basis for many people's reasoning, religion is protected in the country I live in as a personal freedom, I find it wrong to brainwash toddlers into saying "Jesus loves you" as this suggests that they understand that the planet we live in is part of a universe in which God created everything and because of the vast sins of men, sent his son through immaculate conception and that this man died as a martyr in order to ensure everlasting life for those who believe in this idea. A toddler does not understand most of the words I used in that last sentence. Religious beliefs are protected as personal beliefs. If the general view was that our children were people we wouldn't impose our own beliefs on them, instead we would allow them to make their own choices when they understood the complex concepts of religion by living the tenements of our belief system and sharing our faith through the evidence shown in how we walk through life.
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