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Old 10-10-2012, 01:35 AM   #11
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I was the other way around. I wanted everybody to hold my babies and coo over them. My SIL was very possessive of my niece (she still is) and it hurt and offended my mom a lot. She would give the baby to my mom but would take her back within a min saying a million diff reasons. Like as if my mom(or anybody else who held her) had claws and fangs. I offered twice to hold/rock my niece when she was colicky and SIL hadnt slept well in over 30h, both the times she thwarted my offers and I gave up. Didnt hold her at all unless my brother gave the baby. We all just gave up lest the baby became the object of tug-of-war...that was 12y ago.

And I had made up my mind way back then to not be like her when I had my kids. Because yes, infants are squishy and mommy wants to eat and drink them all the time, just like how they eat mommy up all the time! But you have to understand that the family also wants to cuddle the newborn, even if its for just a few mins because for over 20h of the 24h...it'll be with mom (assuming in all the baby is held by others for 4h..which is likely a LOT lesser than that since the baby gets carted back to the mom the second it starts to whimper)

If babyhood is such a short time for you (it IS. AGREED) its even shorter for your family because they get to see it for just a few hours when they visit. And all babies stir maternal feelings in most people (adolescents not included!)

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Old 10-10-2012, 05:13 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Bhavana
I was the other way around. I wanted everybody to hold my babies and coo over them. My SIL was very possessive of my niece (she still is) and it hurt and offended my mom a lot. She would give the baby to my mom but would take her back within a min saying a million diff reasons. Like as if my mom(or anybody else who held her) had claws and fangs. I offered twice to hold/rock my niece when she was colicky and SIL hadnt slept well in over 30h, both the times she thwarted my offers and I gave up. Didnt hold her at all unless my brother gave the baby. We all just gave up lest the baby became the object of tug-of-war...that was 12y ago.

And I had made up my mind way back then to not be like her when I had my kids. Because yes, infants are squishy and mommy wants to eat and drink them all the time, just like how they eat mommy up all the time! But you have to understand that the family also wants to cuddle the newborn, even if its for just a few mins because for over 20h of the 24h...it'll be with mom (assuming in all the baby is held by others for 4h..which is likely a LOT lesser than that since the baby gets carted back to the mom the second it starts to whimper)

If babyhood is such a short time for you (it IS. AGREED) its even shorter for your family because they get to see it for just a few hours when they visit. And all babies stir maternal feelings in most people (adolescents not included!)
I'm gonna have to say screw family here. Not their baby. Mom and dad decide how it is, end of story. I don't care if my wanting to protect my baby and keep him close upsets you. That is how it should be.

Op- in case it isn't obvious, I think your feelings are normal. Don't feel obligated to hand over the baby.
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:34 AM   #13
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Re: Selfish with your baby

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My first baby is 7 weeks old and I just absolutely hate when other people hold her. It makes me panic and cringe. I hate it. I want her with me all of the time and I guess just don't feel comfortable with other people taking care of her. Anyone else like this?
Our niece is holding her currently and I am just counting down the moments until she is back to me. Unfortunately she doesn't like to give her back
Yep, this has been me with all 3 of our children

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If you wear her, people cant hold her That was my trick so I didnt come off as rude. And I definitely dont think its rude to not let others soothe her....just say "sounds like shes hungry" and take her
Yes! My babies lived in wraps because it was hard to get them in and out fast...so just easier if they stayed with me

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Originally Posted by Bhavana View Post
I was the other way around. I wanted everybody to hold my babies and coo over them. My SIL was very possessive of my niece (she still is) and it hurt and offended my mom a lot. She would give the baby to my mom but would take her back within a min saying a million diff reasons. Like as if my mom(or anybody else who held her) had claws and fangs. I offered twice to hold/rock my niece when she was colicky and SIL hadnt slept well in over 30h, both the times she thwarted my offers and I gave up. Didnt hold her at all unless my brother gave the baby. We all just gave up lest the baby became the object of tug-of-war...that was 12y ago.

And I had made up my mind way back then to not be like her when I had my kids. Because yes, infants are squishy and mommy wants to eat and drink them all the time, just like how they eat mommy up all the time! But you have to understand that the family also wants to cuddle the newborn, even if its for just a few mins because for over 20h of the 24h...it'll be with mom (assuming in all the baby is held by others for 4h..which is likely a LOT lesser than that since the baby gets carted back to the mom the second it starts to whimper)

If babyhood is such a short time for you (it IS. AGREED) its even shorter for your family because they get to see it for just a few hours when they visit. And all babies stir maternal feelings in most people (adolescents not included!)
Here's the thing, it's not their baby. They don't have rights to hold the baby. Logically, I know everything will be fine, it's not that I am choosing to be selfish and just *want* to hold my baby, it causes severe anxiety for other people to hold them. I don't deny grandparents from holding them all of the time, but I am a nervous wreck while they are, I am not going to just *get over it* and let them hold the baby all of the time. They get some time, and then I get the baby back.

My babies are happiest with me, my IL's are not the type to give the baby back when they start to cry, they are the type that leave the room so the baby can't see me and try to calm them down themselves. Which only puts me into more of a panic.

So no, I don't think that anxious moms should have to hand their babies over just because other people might have their feelings hurt. It's not their baby!
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:39 AM   #14
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Yep! 2 babies...4 and 17 months and I still feel this way...

Wish I didn't so I could enjoy time without them.
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:42 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Bhavana
I was the other way around. I wanted everybody to hold my babies and coo over them.
I guess I was more like this. I liked when my extended family and friends wanted to hold my son as a baby. I liked that they were excited about him and loved him. To me, that was one of the fun parts of having a newborn. To see him bring joy to other people was a really great feeling for me.

However, I do think it is normal for mothers to be protective of their baby. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable and don't worry what anyone thinks.
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:45 AM   #16
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I should say too that my SIL is the exact opposite from me, she likes when other people hold my nephew especially when he is fussy, which is totally fine! Different people feel different ways. I wouldn't expect a mom to HAVE to hold her baby all of the time and act super protective just as I wouldn't expect an anxious mom to HAVE to give them over when they don't feel comfortable.
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Old 10-10-2012, 05:48 AM   #17
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Re: Selfish with your baby

I feel the same way with baby #5 as I did with baby #1 - the only difference is I don't have quite as much free time as I did with #1. But, I feel like I have appreciated that time and those protective feelings even more with each subsequent baby.

I did let people hold the baby if they came to our house and had washed their hands, but not THAT many people visited. My MIL isn't a real baby person, so it never mattered much on that front. We got really good at telling people we don't pass the baby around when we were at religious services, etc. Nothing personal, but we don't pass them around. Some people were a little put off, but its our baby and we have to deal with them getting riled up, being sick and everything else so we get to decide.
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Old 10-10-2012, 06:04 AM   #18
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I'm the opposite, I'll pass my babies off to whoever wants to hold them (within reason obviously). I actually think that is the reason why my children are so comfortable around others. We never went through stranger anxiety phases with them, and DD started daycare recently without shedding a single tear.

Although, nothing beats a good baby snuggle.
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Old 10-10-2012, 06:12 AM   #19
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With my first I wasn't. But with my second and third I was. Weird. Well our third is only 2 weeks but ya know---I can't even put her down I hate it so much.
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Old 10-10-2012, 06:13 AM   #20
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Re: Selfish with your baby

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I'm the opposite, I'll pass my babies off to whoever wants to hold them (within reason obviously). I actually think that is the reason why my children are so comfortable around others. We never went through stranger anxiety phases with them, and DD started daycare recently without shedding a single tear.

Although, nothing beats a good baby snuggle.
Likewise. When people are over, that baby is handed off so I can do wash, load the dishwasher, pick up toys, etc! I'm always grateful when someone comes and holds baby so that I can do all the things around the house that are getting neglected.
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